Zugzwang
by HalcyonHellion
Summary: Ellie Trevelyan wasn't even supposed to be at the Conclave, let alone be the sole survivor. Now the rogue has the responsibility of being Thedas' only hope from impending doom. The Commander puts her determination to the test, gradually breaking down her carefully built walls. But when someone from her past places himself in her present, her world seems shatter..Slow burn/Slight AU
1. Chapter 1: Very Good Bad Thing

**Hello. **

**I haven't written anything substantial in ages and am a little nervous posting this, but I've had this idea nagging me for a while and I couldn't help myself. Hopefully everyone enjoys it! Constructive feedback is invaluable!**

**Disclaimer: ****I own nothing. I don't own Bioware, Dragon Age or any of its characters.**

* * *

The day had begun much like any other since he had accepted Cassandra's request and joined the Inquisition. The sun was just beginning its ascent into the sky but it still shone brightly through the singular, narrow window in his room, beckoning him to wake up the way it did every morning. Old habits die hard. When he was younger, he cherished any morning he got to sleep in but the day he was recruited as a Templar at the tender age of 13, his sleeping habits would forever be changed. Now, a decade and a half later, he still couldn't shake his routine of waking up at the crack of dawn.

Much to his chagrin, that did not mean he woke up well-rested. In fact, quite the opposite. The nightmares that plagued him were enough to make any person squirm, yet he endured them night after night, fragments of his past haunting him and twisting into unspeakable horrors. He hardly remembered what a good nights sleep was or if it even existed.

Yet he carried on, pledging himself to a cause he had become passionate about, convinced that it would actually truly help all of Thedas if they were successful. It was a weighty decision leaving the Order he had dedicated most of his life to, but not a decision he regretted. The memories of Knight-Commander Meredith were still vivid enough that in his mind, they could have happened yesterday. After that fateful day, the world needed the Inquisition. It would be their only hope at stopping the madness of the war.

He sleepily, yet dutifully put on his armor, the way he always did. He had to admit he was pleasantly surprised with how much he preferred his new, custom armor compared to the Templar metal he used to wear. While it took some getting used to not donning the telltale sword symbol on his chest, the lion-like outfit he now possessed made him feel more like an individual; a true commander.

Reaching for the door handle to exit his modest accommodations in the Chantry, he couldn't help but let out a strangled sigh, picturing all of the reports stacked on his desk eagerly awaiting his signature. Being appointed the Commander of the Inquisition's forces had proven to be more of a challenge than he had initially anticipated. The few recruits that had signed onto the cause were anything but seasoned soldiers, but he insisted on remaining somewhat optimistic. Everyone had to start somewhere. Though his patience was constantly tested, always silently reprimanding himself to be constructive not destructive when training. And, Maker's breath the paperwork was never ending! While the recruits would eventually start adapting and growing, the mountains of reports would only increase as the movement gained more traction.

As he walked out of the Chantry and made his way to the training grounds, everyone seemed on edge. More so than usual. Today was a bigger day than most for the small settlement of Haven. With the Conclave taking place today, everyone was in a frenzy. High ranking mages and Templars along with many Grand Clerics were gathered by the Divine in an attempt to establish peace between them.

The Commander stretched his neck out slightly, rubbing his hand across the back of it in hope of some tension relief as he approached the sound of clashing metal and would-be soldiers trying to prepare for the inevitable battles ahead. He could already feel the dull throb start to ache in his head, a daily trend that's only been increasing since he joined the movement. He knew it would only get worse.

It felt like he had barely blinked when a deafening rupture sounded and the Veil itself seemed to explode in a bright green aura, tainting everything the light touched in an eerie glow. He looked on awe-struck as he realized the source of the phenomenon was directly above the Temple of Sacred Ashes, the screams and cries being heard even from where he was standing. He swore under his breath and prayed they were ready for this.

* * *

It had been three days since the explosion at the Conclave. Three stressful, exhausting days. They still had no concrete idea as to what caused the Fade to open and all but obliterate the Temple of Sacred Ashes and everyone inside. The Most Holy included. But there was now a giant, viridian opening in the the Veil that was spewing demons left, right and centre.

While the enigma surrounding this ghastly catastrophe was in the forefront, what information they did have about the event was equally bizarre. When the hole had opened in the sky, a woman fell to the ground, baring a mark on her left hand identical in shape and colour to the rift that dropped her. No one knew who this woman was or why she was there at first. But she had the ability to seal the rifts that were now appearing all over Thedas. While at first Cassandra wanted her head on spike, the Seeker had to admit the mystery woman's ability to heal the wounded sky was remarkably helpful. And when Cassandra and others helped her stop the growth of the Breach that held itself above where the Temple was, they saw and heard the Divine herself implore the woman for help. Following that, they couldn't deny her innocence and released her from all blame. But since the stabilizing of that original breach, the woman had been unconscious. There was a question if she would even survive.

The Herald of Andraste.

While she was fighting for her life, her heroism earned her one hell of a title. One that was constantly on the lips of the residents of Haven, spreading like wildfire throughout Orlais and Fereldan, no doubt.

While Cassandra, Leliana and Josephine fully intended to utilize this woman in consulting for the Inquisition, the Commander wasn't so sure. He didn't even know what her name was. Didn't bother to ask yet, not when there was so much on his plate and they were still unsure if she would even wake up. Everyone seemed to be fussing over her when he was swamped making absolutely sure that their troops were as prepared as possible for more trouble than they had originally anticipated. Though they had lost many soldiers the day the chaos began, they received more and more troops each day since the incident at the Conclave and the word of the Herald had become more prevalent.

He let out a shaky exhale, his head in pain yet again, causing him to squint slightly as he observed the soldiers progress. Another day in a row and the sun was bright, though it was muddled by the green glow of the breach. The Frostback Mountains may be bitterly cold, but Cullen couldn't complain about the amount of sun. He stood at the training grounds, attempting to teach his recruits how to perform a proper Shield Bash. It was proving to be a more difficult task than it should have been. The Commander had hope that they would eventually be adept warriors, but it would take a lot of work on his part. He opened his mouth to bark critiques to the failing recruits when he overheard some voices behind him.

"Did you hear?"

There was a gasp, "Did the Herald finally awaken?"

Cullen heard a sound of affirmation. He turned his attention away from the training and glanced over at the Chantry. Fully aware of Cassandra's strict orders to have the Herald see her in the Chantry in the event she did come to, Cullen sighed as he figured he should probably be there for it as well.

Turning to his lieutenant, he rambled off a number of orders to carry out with the troops in his absence and began towards the Chantry. The small township was bustling more so than usual he noticed, as he walked through the heavy gates that led into the core of Haven. Everyone was all worked up about their Herald being alive and well after all. He wanted to have hope that this person may indeed be able to help them, but he was skeptical. After everything he's seen, everything he's endured… Despite his faith, it was difficult to believe in miracles. Although, Cassandra did speak of her proficiency in combat, wielding daggers the way a trained professional would. If nothing else, if that were the case, this woman could at least prove useful on the battlefield.

Cullen's mind waged a silent war as he speculated on the pros and cons of who this woman really was, what she could mean and what she could do. By the time he made it to the War Room in the back of the Chantry, there was no trace of this Herald. Or Cassandra for that matter. He did, however, find the spymaster and ambassador near the back of the room.

"I'm sure you've been informed the Herald has awoken, Commander?" The cloaked red-head asked him as he entered the room and joined them at the North end of the table.

He nodded, "I have." He spotted the giant tome on the table. He recognized it immediately. Cassandra had showed it to him when he arrived here from Kirkwall. "Does this mean the Inquisition has finally become official? What of the Chantry?"

The Antivan sighed, "As suspected, with the death of the Most Holy, the Chantry has denounced the Inquisition and, thanks to the debut of the Herald of Andraste and our acceptance of her, they have dubbed us all blasphemous heretics. The good news is that the Herald has agreed to join the cause, however. She still looks a little worse for wear, but her and Cassandra should be joining us shortly."

Leliana spoke, "The mark on her hand needs more power to seal that breach properly. I've suggested to Cassandra that we should approach the rebel mages to help."

Cullen looked at her incredulously, "And what of the Templars? They would be just as useful, if not more so. Going to the mages when the Veil is in the broken state it's in is asking for trouble. Do you realize the abominations that could come of that?"

"Of course we know, but what we don't know for sure is that the Templars would actually be able to use their abilities towards this cause."

The Commander exhaled in frustration, pinching the bridge of his nose. How could they not see the danger that would put them in? He had done so much to change his way of viewing mages since leaving the Order. He fully admitted he had a hard time trusting mages after his years serving as a Templar. Cullen had witnessed the absolute worst of what could happen to them, the power they held that was so often abused. He refused to write them off as a whole anymore. But putting them right in corruption's path was not worth the risk, not by a long shot. He rubbed the back of his neck, irritated, though opted for silence in place of fuelling the argument when he heard two pairs of footsteps approaching.

His honey coloured eyes flashed up, widening and it took every fibre in his body to keep his jaw from dropping. He was accustomed to working with women, skilled and strong women whom he respected. But as Cullen gazed upon the Herald for the first time, he was blatantly aware that he had never worked alongside someone like her before.

_Maker's breath, she is beautiful._

He swallowed hard and darted his eyes away so that it wasn't obvious he was gawking. He tried to fix them on Cassandra as she opened her mouth to speak.

"May I present Commander Cullen, leader of the Inquisition's forces."

It was only then that he allowed himself to make eye contact with whom he was being introduced to. He knew he needed to act professional, which meant not fumbling awkwardly for words. As breathtaking as she was, he couldn't possibly permit that to take precedence over the issue at hand. He cleared his throat, "Such as they are. We lost many soldiers in the valley, and I fear many more before this is through," he admitted honestly.

The Seeker gave introductions for his two other colleagues as he inconspicuously attempted to study her features. Her eyes seemed solemn and distant. He supposed he couldn't really blame her with what the last few days have given her. Her blonde hair, lighter and more ashen than his, hung in soft waves down to her small waist. Although the clothes she was wearing were borrowed and not meant for her, they still managed to accentuate her curves. Realizing he was staring at her body, he brought his eyes back up and to his horror, her eyes were on his. Immediately looking away he gulped, already feeling the blush start to creep up his neck. He was too engulfed by embarrassment to notice her cheeks develop a soft, rosy tinge as well.

It was her voice that brought his eyes back to her. "Impressive titles you have," her tone seemed sincere but held a hint of another emotion the Commander couldn't quite recognize. Mirth, perhaps? "It truly is a pleasure to meet you all, though. I'm Elizabeth Trevelyan, but please just call me Ellie. Only my mother actually calls me Elizabeth." She scrunched up her nose when she mentioned her mother, the expression making Cullen flash a lopsided smile.

"I mentioned the mark you have needs more power to close the breach for good," Cassandra explained.

"Which means we have to approach the rebel mages for help."

"And I still disagree," Cullen interjected, not hiding the bitterness in his voice, "The Templars could serve just as well."

A sigh emitted from the other warrior in the room, "We need power, Commander. Enough magic poured into that mark…"

"Might destroy us all. The Templars could suppress the Breach, weaken it so…" Cullen countered, firmly convinced the Templars would be a safer idea. Only to be interrupted by Leliana whose theory was just as speculative as his. He wasn't shaken though, "I was a Templar, I know what they're capable of."

The small admission of his past had earned him a look from the newest member of their ranks. He cautiously returned it, noting the curiosity written across her delicate features. Just as quickly as their eyes met, she looked away, regarding Josephine as the ambassador spoke to her directly regarding the Chantry's stance.

"The Chantry has denounced me? Took them longer than I thought," she mused with one of her eyebrows quirks up.

Meanwhile, the Commander's eyebrows furrowed, "Shouldn't they be busy arguing over who's going to become Divine?"

As Josephine continued citing the Chantry's reason for turning their back on the Herald, Cassandra made mention of Chancellor Roderick's involvement. Cullen could barely suppress his urge to roll his eyes at the mention of the name. He could only imagine the distasteful picture the Chancellor painted to his fellow brothers and sisters, influencing their opinion based on a title that she didn't choose for herself, instead of the real problem at hand.

When the ambassador made it undeniably clear that approaching the mages or Templars was not an option at the moment, the attention turned back to the Herald as she spoke, almost sheepishly, "Just how exactly am I the Herald of Andraste?"

"People saw what you did at the temple, how you stopped the Breach from growing," Cassandra answered, "They have also heard about the woman seen in the rift when we first found you. They believe that was Andraste."

Elizabeth's eyes widened at the clarification. And as Leliana and Cassandra carried on, the reality of what the people now believe Elizabeth to be seemed to sink in.

Cullen eyed the woman thoughtfully, "It's quite the title isn't it? How do you feel about that?"

Her gaze locked on his when he addressed her. He felt his breath hitch in his throat as her eyes bore into his but was determined not to let it show. "Well, between falling out of a hole in the sky, my hand glowing, fighting who knows how many demons, and taking a three day nap, it's not the craziest thing that's happened to me this week," she offered him a lighthearted smile, "It is still a touch unsettling though."

A short, satirical laugh escaped the Commander, "I'm sure the Chantry would agree."

The spymaster and ambassador brought the conversation back to seriousness, and despite trying to keep her humor, it didn't take a genius to see that the Herald was ill at ease with her new found fame. "Why are they so worked up about me? Aren't they more concerned about the breach? The real threat?"

"They do know it's a threat," the Commander assured, "They just don't think we can stop it."

When Cullen addressed the young woman, she again made eye contact, an unreadable expression on her face. Even after the other counsel members began talking, she held his gaze. He was almost certain by this point his blush was visible. He shifted uneasily, and looked at his feet. By the time he looked back up, her light-coloured eyes were no longer looking at his. He made a mental note to figure out exactly what colour her eyes were one day.

The Herald had hesitantly agreed to travel to the Hinterlands to meet with Mother Giselle, despite just being told of the Chantry's opposition to her and they all urged her to try to expand their movement's influence in her travels. Cullen knew all too well that with the Chantry's denunciation, they would need all the help they could get.

The Herald's first War Room meeting had come to a conclusion, and Cullen was secretly wishing it hadn't. He refused to let an exceedingly attractive woman distract him from his duty, but he couldn't help but admit that he looked forward to having her as a colleague. Though he tried to convince himself it was purely for the Inquisition's benefit.

As they were about to dismiss from the room, she glanced around at all of them, offering an appreciative smile. Cullen returned it, silently reassuring her, even if he knew they had a long battle ahead of them, a fight no one was certain they could win. One by one they trickled out of the room, the Commander being the last one out, securely shutting the door behind him. He turned to make his way out of the Chantry, heading back to the training grounds when he caught sight of the Herald walking ahead. To his shame, he was all to quick to notice the sway of her hips as she walked before snapping his eyes away. He groaned.

_Maker, help me._

* * *

**So? Thoughts? Concerns? Please let me know. This chapter was obviously in Cullen's POV but most of them will not be. **

**A couple notes: I am Canadian. Meaning I spell things the British way (colour, centre, etc.)**

**The title of the story is a term used playing chess. Feel free to look it up if you're curious****.**

**Thank you for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2: Ready To Start

She longed for a moment of peace and quiet. Ever since Ellie had regained consciousness, her life had been a frenzy of activity, people pulling her in every direction. She had begun to fully comprehend the impending danger she was in. No. The impending danger the world was in.

To think that she played a key part in the solution made her feel almost helpless, not ready to take on the role of hero. To be informed people were starting to believe she was sent by the Maker and acted as Andraste's hand made her nauseous.

The first chance Ellie saw to slip away into her modest private quarters was seized at once. The wood-framed structure was quaint and simply furnished, animal hides being the main source of décor. With Haven being newly established, she wasn't exactly expecting to stay in a palace. Part of her was surprised they let her stay at all.

She heard the door open and close quietly behind her and Elizabeth directed her gaze to the same elven girl she had awoken to earlier that day. Ellie couldn't help but feel sorry for the timid young girl; it was obvious she'd been a servant her whole life. If not worse. She nearly shuddered at the thought. Slavery was something she had zero tolerance for and jumped at every opportunity to put an end to any miserable slaver's life.

This morning, after some gentle coaxing, she discovered the servants name was Malia. When the elf had realized the Herald was in the room, she startled, "Your worship! Forgive me, I didn't know you came back."

"It's quite alright, Malia. And please, call me Ellie," the rogue requested softly.

"Of course, Lady Ellie," came the prompt reply as Ellie held back correcting the formal title kept before her name.

"Malia, if you have a moment, would be able to get me some water for a bath? Or show where I can fetch the water?"

The elf nodded and hastily scurried out of the room to get bath water for the Herald, clearly opting to ready the bath herself instead of letting the Herald. Ellie couldn't help but sigh. It had been many moons since someone waited on her. And while she flatly rejected her nobility and everything that came with it years ago, her body ached to soak in hot water. Despite essentially resting for three days, she was still exhausted, sore and felt grimy. Luckily, the mark on her hand no longer throbbed. It still felt… Odd. A dull sensation pulsing from it that she couldn't quite explain. But so long as it didn't hinder her from holding her weapons, she could live with it.

Malia returned quicker than expected with a bucket of visibly hot water, behind her were a number of other servants carrying their own buckets to fill the copper basin. Ellie thanked them sincerely and waited until they all departed to start shedding the clothes she found herself in this morning and slip into the soothing water. She was acutely aware that while she was in her comatose state, someone attempted to sponge bathe her. It would explain why she was no longer wearing the light armour she remembered wearing when she fought her way to the temple to stabilize the breach. While she was thankful for whoever took care of her hygiene when she couldn't, it was no substitute for a real bath and feeling thoroughly clean.

She washed herself in relaxed, languid movements as she reflected on the sharp turn the course of her life had taken. The events of the last few days were a hazy blur. Of course, she was out cold for three days of it and she still couldn't for the life of her remember what exactly happened at the Conclave or what events led to the rift opening in the sky, scarring her hand in the process. She did remember waking up after allegedly falling out of the breach, pain coursing through her body which stemmed from her glowing palm.

What came next was all too predictable. She was imprisoned, blamed for the death of hundreds and creating an opening for creatures of the Fade to seep into their realm. She rolled her eyes at the thought. Luckily, she was cleared of that blame. At least by the people who had originally sought to keep her locked up for the rest of her days.

What the Seeker and the rest of them didn't know was they weren't the only people who lost someone in the explosion. Of course the murder of the Most Holy was tragic, especially to the Divine's left and right hands. But after seeing Cassandra's anger towards her, she'd rather die before she divulged that her own brother was one of the casualties. Even after she cleared the air with Cassandra, that piece of information would stay quiet for the time being. And she wouldn't allow herself to be consumed with grief, not when she had to be the very definition of strong and was thrust into the company of people she felt inclined to trust. But she knew better than to do that so soon. Or ever. Ellie prayed her brother was at the Maker's side. That was all she could afford right now.

Going from being a shamed prisoner to being proclaimed the Herald of Andraste was a plot twist she didn't see coming. It was difficult to wrap her head around her new title, what it implied for her. While she had been associated with groups and other people in the past, she preferred to work alone. She was by no means accustomed to having people value her opinion or rely on her abilities the way they did now. She had to admit though that her recently acquired colleagues seemed competent and pleasant enough to work with, albeit not always seeing eye to eye with one another.

The Seeker was the first one she had been acquainted with. When she got past the fact that Cassandra was the one who had given the order to have her locked up, Ellie could see the genuine passion she had for the cause and her true intentions to remedy the state of the world. She understood her shock and loss, and she could forgive Cassandra for taking it out on her if it meant the Inquisition would work. Ellie desperately wanted to believe it would. She saw it as their only hope now.

Leliana and Josephine she had less of a developed opinion about yet. Although, she had already mentally fortified herself to keep her guard up around the spymaster. Because Ellie's profession employed a high level of secrecy, sabotage and detective work, she respected others who had the same skills. But the absolute last thing the Herald wanted was to have someone digging around her past. Ellie was a fiercely private person and she would not take too kindly to anyone sticking their nose in her affairs.

And then there was the Commander. Ellie didn't hide the smile that crept across her lips at the thought. As soon as she saw him, she instantly guessed he was a Templar. Maybe not officially anymore, as he so kindly hinted in the War Room. But his posture, the way he carried himself and how he had the face of a man who had endured far too much in his years were all telltale clues to his ties to the Order.

There was no denying he was attractive. But Ellie had dealt almost solely with men for the better part of her life. She was used to occasionally working with men who were not good looking and men who were very good looking. The rogue had learned how to be focused and collected in the midst of a pretty face. And Commander Cullen did have a dangerously handsome face. His sculpted jawline, peppered with light stubble. Golden blonde hair that was cropped in a way that kept the curls out of his face. Earnest, albeit broken, amber eyes and that white ribbon scar that ran through the right side of his top lip. She could see how any girl with properly working vision would swoon over the military Commander, though she had a suspicion he rarely, if ever had acted on it. She was well aware of the Templars rules of fraternization and devotion. He also didn't seem to be the type of Templar she'd heard horror stories about regarding their elicit behaviour.

Regardless, she'd be damned if she let him be a distraction. Or worse, get attached.

_Never again_, she vowed to herself, _Not after… _She refused to give into the memories that were starting to surface.

Swiftly, Ellie submerged herself entirely underwater, attempting to drown any old anxieties of her past. When she came up for air, she ensured any soap or shampoo was rinsed off and got out of the copper tub, wrapping a soft towel around her body. Ellie glanced over to the table by the bathtub as she dried herself off. Noticing the hair brush, oil that would make the length of her hair soft as silk, and she even spotted some cosmetic items as well. She silently thanked the Maker that the majority of her new colleagues were women. She previously may have usually been around all male company, but she always made the effort to be feminine when she could. Who says you can't kick some ass and still look good while doing it?

Satisfied with the moisture being wiped off her skin, she dabbed a couple drops of the minty smelling oil in her long hair and worked the brush through til her mane was free of any tangles or knots. Ellie inspected the makeup that was left for her. Various shades of eyeshadow, eyeliner and blush were found that she immediately started picking through. There was lipstick at her disposal, but unless she truly wanted to impress someone, she didn't bother with the stuff.

_And we don't need to start impressing the pants off the handsome Commander. Yet… _

Smoky eyes, dewy cheeks and muted lips were Ellie's calling, her go-to for her makeup choices. It hadn't failed her yet. The fine, blonde hair was already starting to dry in waves. Peering over her shoulder to an armoire she had spied earlier. She curiously made to open it to see what clothing had been left for her.

Much to her surprise, the threads seemed a little more suited to her than the clothing she had loaned from Maker knows who up until this point. She held up a long-sleeved Samite tunic before noticing the undergarments meant for her. As she dressed, she was a little unnerved as to just how well these delicate clothing items fit the ample curves of her breasts and hips. She didn't even want to know who took her measurements without her knowledge. Shaking her head of the idea, she finished dressing. The sienna leather pants had laces going up the sides for her to adjust them to her liking. She was grateful for the feature. Her combat skills depended on her agility and ability to move freely so the more her outfits resembled a second skin, the better for her. She slid on a matching leather jacket over the tunic as well as leather boots that were a few shades darker than the rest of the leather she donned.

She couldn't argue that the clothing she was given fit like a glove, and was thus infinitely more comfortable than what she wore previously that day. Though it would be to Malia's dismay, Ellie did her best to clean up after herself. She strived to be self-sufficient, she needed to be to stay alive before she had wound up here.

There was a lot to do before her party and herself left for the Hinterlands in a couple days. If Ellie had her way, they wouldn't waste time getting there. But the Seeker insisted she take a couple days to regain her strength. Ellie hated feeling useless and was determined to find something to accomplish between now and then.

Exhaling, she knew exactly where she was going to start, or more specifically who she would start with. The residents were still gawking at her every time she walked by, whispering in hushed voice that they thought she couldn't hear. Bracing herself, she made for the door that exited into Haven and led herself into the town.


	3. Chapter 3: Burn

**Hello! I really hope everyone is enjoying this far. I've been having a lot of fun writing it. I do have a number of chapters written already so as it stands at the moment, I will be posting quite frequently. Reviews are most helpful so if you have any kind of constructive criticism, I'm all too happy to hear it. **

**Onward!**

Ellie let our a muffled curse when the frigid temperature of the Frostbacks touched her skin. Why they decided to hold this monumental meeting in the middle of the mountains was beyond her. A few feet ahead of her front door, a guard stood posted, fully clad in heavy armor. She sent a respectful nod in his direction, which he returned. Why they needed to post a guard outside her quarters she didn't know; she was more than capable of protecting herself. But, a little extra caution couldn't hurt, she supposed.

Her footsteps were light, trying to avoid making a crunching sound in the snow and gravel as she made her way through the township, using her skills to slip into what shadows she could to get to her destination with little notice. The reason simply being she didn't need anyone else fussing over this hour. Or this day. She finally ascended a few stairs to reach where she had intended to go, catching sight of the hairless elf whom she was seeking. She felt she owed him gratitude after allegedly keeping her alive before her mark was stabilized. But there was more she wanted to glean from a conversation with him.

While Solas' theories to what the breach was and how her mark affected it proved to be useful when they journeyed up the mountain pass to the Temple, and even though his demeanour had thus far been calm and peaceful, she couldn't help but feel that this non-circle Mage with his, so far accurate, theories being present when all of this transpired was a little convenient. Of course, people thought it wasn't coincidental for Ellie to be there either, the sole survivor of the Conclave. She at least knew why she was at least attending the Conclave. But she didn't know anything about Solas other than that he was an apostate. Yet he seemed to know a great deal about what was happening. He shrugged it off as educated guesses up in the mountain pass. But Ellie was almost positive there was more to it than that.

Mages, apostate or not, never truly bothered her on a individual scale. Despite what may have tied her to the Templars, she felt that not all mages were inherently evil. They just had the misfortune of being more susceptible to becoming evil.

_It's not what you are, it's what you do,_ the words of wisdom echoed through her head.

She caught the eyes of the elf as she approached him outside the apothecary, his lean frame standing tall. As she approached she became aware of just how striking his features were, all sharp angles and distinct lines. All except for his shockingly supple-looking lips. Ellie felt guilty for wanting to jump to such harsh conclusions about him, but her instincts were rarely ever wrong.

He tipped his head to acknowledge her presence, "The Chosen of Andraste, a blessed hero sent to save us all."

Ellie couldn't help but assume there was an underlying bite in his words. Luckily, she was fluent in the language of sarcasm and condescendence. She did grow up amongst nobility, after all. "Sounds rather dashing, doesn't it? Riding in on a shining steed."

The elf made an innocent comment about riding in on a griffon, to which she quirked her brow. At least he kept his remarks interesting. He proceeded to relate to her how he'd studied ancient ruins and the Fade, piquing her curiosity. "Every Great War has its heroes. I'm just curious what kind you'll be."

She ignored the backhanded remark and questioned him on his studies, though she was at a loss to how someone could willingly sleep among ancient ruins steeped memories of death and betrayal. She was too old to believe in ghost stories but she'd rather steer clear of sharing a bed with demons.

"I will stay then," the Mage concluded, "At least until the breach is sealed."

Ellie tilted her head slightly in question, "Was that in doubt?"

While she understood that he was an apostate surrounded by people who would rather clip his wings, she bet that for sure he'd want to stay, if only to sate his intrigue in the mysterious breach. She had been skeptical that he would be here for anything other than selfish reasons. The cynic in her always won out. But as long as he fought on their side, she would not dismiss him for his motives. At least, not for now.

But that didn't mean she wasn't going to keep digging. As she approached the subject of the rift again, he noted that whatever created it was an artifact he was keenly interested in. Even if his words were non-committal, she had a hunch he was more invested in his 'theory' than he wanted to let on.

"You don't think whatever created the Breach was destroyed in the blast?"

Solas gave her a look, "I will not believe it was destroyed until I see the shattered fragments with my own eyes."

_And there we have it, folks,_ mused Ellie as she fought the urge to gloat, knowing all to well that denial usually only happened when someone was emotionally involved. But she felt the need to stir the pot one more time, "Whatever the artifact was or wherever it is now is not a priority at the moment."

He cleared his throat subtly, "Yes of course, the main priority is sealing the breach. Besides, it's a moot point. Leliana and her men have scoured the source of the blast and found no trace of the artifact."

_So, he had already taken the initiative to have it found. Interesting._

"Well, Solas, I'm sure if it's still as in tact as you claim, it will turn up eventually. I did actually stop by to thank you for your help of keeping me alive while this mark was still spreading. It won't be forgotten," Ellie changed the subject with earnest. She was genuinely happy to be alive after all. "I'll talk with you later."

As they bid adieu, she regarded his eyes for split second. The windows to the soul. She had always sworn you could tell the most about a person by their eyes. And as she walked away, she was disappointed to not be able to read his clearly. It could have been a sign that three days of being knocked unconscious had made her rusty. But the thought of not being able to discern the underlying truth in his eyes at all worried her. She had gotten her answers about his motive. But she was certain there was more to it than that. That was seldom a good thing.

Ellie shivered involuntarily. Whether it was from the brisk climate or her train of thought, she didn't know. She wandered back down the steps toward a series of tents that were pitched, hoping to find a certain dwarf she had met along the mountain pass as well. Varric had done the opposite of give her bad vibes. In fact, in the short time she fought alongside him, she felt something of a kindred spirit in the fellow rogue.

_And that chest hair! _she mused, almost giggling at the thought.

He smiled a friendly grin at the Herald as she approached, standing up from the crouched position he had in front of the fire. "So now that Cassandra's out of earshot, are you holding up alright? I mean you go from being the most wanted criminal in Thedas to joining the armies of the faithful. Most people spread that out over more than one day," the archer teased.

"I'm just happy to still be standing here in one piece," Ellie admitted with a smile. It was half true at least.

"And I'm surprised you survived Cassandra's rage," he offered with a short chuckle. But then his expression turned a little more grim, "For days now, we've been staring at the Breach, watching demons and Maker-knows-what fall out of it. 'Bad for morale' would be an understatement. I still can't believe anyone was in there and lived."

Ellie ran a hand through her hair with a sigh, "Honestly, I can't believe it either. I wish I knew what happened. Why I had to be the only to make it out of there," she cast her gaze downward at the ground. She felt guilty for being the only survivor. Maker knows there was someone more worthy there than her to be saved. "It's not fair. Not to those who didn't make it," her voice held sorrow.

Varric seemed to sense there was more to the story than she was letting on, "What did bring you to the Conclave anyways?"

Her eyes snapped to his. She still wasn't too sure she wanted to divulge that yet or not. When it came to trusting people with her personal issues or thoughts, Ellie was beyond timid. Sure, her and Varric had hit it off already. But Ellie knew about the dwarf's writing hobby and she wasn't entirely sure she wanted this to be a topic for one of his novels. Time would have to tell with how trustworthy he could be in that regard. In the meantime, the art of telling half-truths was one Ellie was too fond of. "I… Was trying to get in touch with someone there. How I ended up in the centre of everything, I have no clue."

Apparently noticing her discomfort at the subject, he didn't push it further, much to Ellie's relief. Instead he offered condolences, to which she thanked him and he changed the topic, explaining why he decided to stay, even though the Seeker and him weren't exactly best friends.

"Whatever this Breach is," Ellie started, "It must be sealed. All I can hope is that this thing," she gestures to her hand, "Can assist with that. If not, I don't know what will happen."

Varric offered her a half smile, "I would suggest running at the first opportunity. I've written enough tragedies to know where this is headed." He looked up at her, and her grey eyes met his in understanding. Everyone knew the road ahead looked grim. But if they had even the faintest chance of stopping it, they needed to try. "Look," the dwarf's voice shook her from her thoughts, "If you're up to it, stop by here later and I'll save you a drink. The world might be going to shit, but we might as well not let good whiskey go to waste."

Ellie laughed, "After all of this, Maker knows I deserve a drink! I'll see you later Varric," she turned toward the gates, blowing a kiss in his direction as she was descended the stone staircase. She could here him chortling as she walked away.

If there was one thing she wanted to accomplish before the sun began to set, it was making her rounds to have real, one on one conversations with her new-found comrades. She barely knew them as it stood, but if they were to work together cohesively, despite normally working alone, she knew she needed to make an effort to change that. It's not like she was just another number in the ranks. Ellie was given a true purpose and responsibility to this movement. She might as well make what she could out of it.

With Solas and Varric out of the way, her next stop would be where the training grounds were. She didn't need a map to find them, just had to follow her ears out of the city walls.

She could guess that the Commander would be there and she mentally prepared herself for talking to him. The wooden gates creaked closed as she exited the Haven township, immediately spotting the curly blonde hair shining above a glorious, fur-lined duster. She absentmindedly wondered how soft it felt.

_The duster, Ellie, not his hair…_ She reminded herself.

His back was to her as she approached him, steadily watching his recruits practice. "You there, that's a shield in your hand, block with it! If this man was your enemy, you'd be dead!" He growled at one of the soldiers, then turned to his lieutenant to give further instructions for their training.

It wasn't until she was standing right beside him that he noticed her presence. His golden orbs widened slightly at the realization, but quickly recovered, "We've received a number of recruits," he informed her, getting right to business, "Locals from Haven and some pilgrims. None made quite the entrance you did."

She noticed this the amusement in his tone as a smirk made its way across his scarred lip. "At least I got everyone's attention," she countered with her own playful tone, flicking her eyes to his. It was one of the first time he met her gaze and held it, making her stomach flutter ever so slightly.

His coy expression never faltered, "That you did."

_Andraste's fat ass, that didn't help,_ she lamented to herself as the flirty banter, which she did not expect when she went to talk to him, caused her more delight than she wanted it to.

But as swiftly it began, Cullen returned to the original topic of discussion, "I was recruited to the Inquisition in Kirkwall myself," he began relating as he walked towards the other end of the grounds. Ellie followed, matching the man's lively pace. "I was there during the Mage uprising," he continued as one of his seconds handed him a report, evidently needing the scrawl of his name. Ellie remotely noticed the Commander was left-handed. "I saw firsthand the devastation it caused. Cassandra sought a solution. When she offered me a position, I left the Templars to join her cause. Now it seems we face something far worse." The Commander turned to face the woman.

"You mean with the Conclave being destroyed and the giant hole in the sky?" She let out a short, humorless laugh, and then looked down at her feet. Out of guilt or nerves, she wasn't sure. "Everything's a mess," she conceded quietly.

"You don't still feel you're the cause?" He asked in genuine concern.

The uneasy look she gave him spoke for her. "We will find out who or what did actually cause this, Lady Trevelyan," she held back a wince at the formal use of her name but did not correct him before he carried on, "Which is why, among other things, we're needed. The Chantry lost control of both the mages and the Templars. Now they argue over a new Divine while the Breach remains. The Inquisition could act when the Chantry cannot," the fervor building in the former Templars voice, "Our followers would be part of that. There's so much we could…" He stopped his sentence short, shaking his head, becoming self-aware to his own vehemence. "Forgive me, I doubt you came her for a lecture."

Ellie couldn't help but be charmed, the Commander's enthusiasm being a rather endearing quality. "No, but if you have one prepared, I'd love to hear it," she teased flirtatiously. Perhaps more forward on her part, but he didn't seem put off.

A soft chuckle escaped his lips, "Another time perhaps."

Her silver eyes locked with his amber ones, offering no other words, just simply a smile.

He held her gaze for a few seconds before breaking it shyly. He cleared his throat, grasping form something to say and Ellie could almost swear his face was turning a lovely shade of pink.

_The Commander of the Inquisition? Blush? Absurd! _

"There's still a lot of work ahead," he finally said. His attention was turned as one of his inferiors approached him for something. She did her best to hide the unsolicited disappointed feeling because of it. "As I was saying," he commented wryly, his smirk returning to his face.

She twisted her body so her back was to him as she made to leave, but not before craning her neck back to him one last time, "Oh, and Commander?" His focus instantly shifted back to her at her voice's use of his title, "Please call me Ellie. Lady Trevelyan is my mother." She winked at him and started sauntering back to Haven, remembering to swing her hips just a little as she walked onward, not looking back. If she had, she would have clearly seen the wide eyes of the Commander follow her figure closely, his mouth slightly ajar in both disbelief and awe, and a rosy flush of colour his face.


	4. Chapter 4: Gold Lion

Ellie was easing into her new life in the Inquisition far more seamlessly than she had anticipated. She was good with change for the most part. Her life to this point consisted of a lot of changing scenery, people and purposes. She was on the road a lot, didn't actually have her own home. Not that she was destitute by any means but she had to travel frequently and never saw the practicality of having her own dwelling. The life of an assassin was a transient one.

Yet now that she had slipped into a new role indefinitely, she wasn't sure how'd she'd adjust to having a stationary location. She had surprised herself so far.

Ellie supposed that if she did ever start to feel stir crazy, at least she would be off adventuring here and there. In fact, she left for the Hinterlands at sunrise tomorrow with Solas, Varric and Cassandra. She didn't have much for personal belongings so it's not like she had much to carry with her. The clothes on her back, two daggers, and a place to lay her head were all she needed.

The rogue examined the weapons she had at her disposal since she had acquired them after the Conclave. She knew they would do the trick, and she had the blacksmith ensure they were razor sharp. But as she gripped the handles, not feeling quite comfortable yet, she knew she'd have to break them in a little before they left tomorrow.

Since she didn't have any pending tasks to fulfil at the moment, she made her way to the sparring dummies amidst the training grounds. As she rounded the corner out of the gates of Haven, a short-haired brunette was quickly spotted with dummies as well, striking blow after blow to the inanimate object. Absentmindedly twirling her blades deftly in her fingers, giving them their own little warm up, she wandered over towards the grounds.

As Ellie approached the Seeker, she made a pointed effort to avoid meeting the gaze of a certain Commander who she spied out of the corner of her eye. She refused to admit his attention excited her but, more importantly, she would not allow a handsome onlooker to hinder her sparring.

Cassandra knew the Herald was only a few feet away from her, but that didn't stop her from driving her longsword into the fake, plush figure emitting a noise of disgust. Ellie had understood what such vigorous training usually meant. Stress, frustration, hatred. Weapon wielding was a good outlet for anger.

"Are you alright? You seem worried."

The warrior snorted, "Is it that obvious?"

Ellie shrugged, "Oh, just a little."

Cassandra stopped taking her rage out on the dummy for a moment, opening about about the anxiety she had over the choices she made since the Inquisition started, since the catastrophe at the Conclave. "One day, they may write about me as a traitor, a madwoman, a fool. And they may be right," she finished with a sigh.

The smaller woman of the two could empathize with the other's concern. It couldn't be easy making weighty decisions that would affect the entire organization, that could affect all of Thedas. "You had to make the decisions you have Cassandra, you didn't have another choice."

"Didn't I? My trainers had always accused me of being too brash, saying I must think before I act. But I see what has to be done and I do it." She turned her eyes to meet Ellie's, "But you, I misjudged. I cannot afford to be so careless again."

Ellie offered a knowing smile in an attempt to reassure the worried Seeker, "It's not like you had no reason to suspect me, Cassandra."

"I wanted to make someone pay for what happened at the Conclave. Anyone." Her voice was strong and determined as she turned to walk away. But she stopped, regarding the Herald again with a question, "You've said you don't believe you're chosen. Does that mean…. You also don't believe in the Maker?"

A loaded question. Ellie wanted to hope someone was sitting on the throne of the Golden City. But she was too jaded to say she was firmly convinced. All she did know was that there was no way in hell she would accept being 'chosen.' Not when so many others were lost in process. "I don't know," she admitted honestly.

Cassandra let out a huff, "I suppose it doesn't matter now. But I need to believe that the Maker put us on this path. Now it's just a matter of seeing where that path takes us." With that the Seeker left the training grounds altogether to slip back within the walls of Haven.

The Herald simply shrugged as Cassandra disappeared from sight and began stretching her neck and limbs to prepare. She glowered at her target, exhaling, before she sprang forward, blades drawn. She sank the metal into the stuffed cotton, then immediately retracted them and began a violent dance of spins, kicks and slashes. Someone of her expertise needed to learn how to be lightening on their feet, striking a blow, then moving, always staying three steps ahead. Granted, she would probably be more challenged if she was facing a moving target, but right now she just needed to get her heart rate up and feel the surge of adrenaline with every move she made.

After what only felt like a couple minutes, though realistically was probably closer to a half hour or more, the dual-wielding woman was finally starting to get in her zone, imagining who that target could actually be, which gave her the momentum to keep going. Until she heard a familiar voice behind her.

"Poor sod didn't stand much of a chance, now did he?"

Breathing heavily, she whirled around to meet the owner of the speaker only to find that he was much closer behind her than she anticipated. Her eyes travelled up to meet gold ones, that were only a few inches away and she involuntarily gulped. She became acutely aware in that moment of just how tall he was. He practically towered over her small frame, the top of her head barely reaching his stubble-covered chin. A smirk played on his lips and she suddenly felt self-conscious about the fact that she had sweat on her face and her hair was a tousled mess. But she could still play his game.

"Commander," she spoke a little louder than a whisper, the hint of seduction in her tone sliced through the works like a knife. When his eye contact nor his smug look didn't falter, she wet her lips before daring him, "I don't suppose you'd be so kind as to be this dummy's replacement? Hitting an unmoving target gets quite old after a while."

He chuckled, "Perhaps another day."

She was the first to back away slightly. With heat already flowing through her veins from her workout, she felt as though her nerves would short-circuit if she remained in such close proximity to him. Ellie still faced him however, a playful expression drawn in her features, and a hand placed on her hip, "How odd. The Commander of our army not willing to spar. Afraid you'll tarnish that shiny armor of yours or afraid you'll get your ass handed to you?"

It was the first time she heard the Commander laugh. Really laugh. A smooth, masculine sound she was determined to make happen again one day. Sooner rather than later, preferably. "I promise you, we'll have a match one day and we will see just whose ass gets handed to whom."

Ellie shook her head laughing as she tugged her daggers out of the sparring dummy and secured them to the holsters across her back. When she turned to face the Commander again, his smile was softer but he still had that coy twinkle in his eyes.

"Walk with me?" He requested softly, nudging his head north, a direction that, past the recruit's tents was free of people. She nodded and they began walking casually towards the tree-line.

In her peripheral, she noticed how his gloved hand was fixed on his hilted sword. A typical warrior's gesture. "You seem to have you're hands full with the new recruits," Ellie observed, breaking the silence as she was unsure as to why Cullen wanted to wander out here with him.

A silent chuckle, "You have no idea. They're eager to learn though, I'll give them that. Their ambition is there."

"Is there any particular reason we're out here?" Ellie asked, trying not to sound like she had better things to do. She probably did but whatever they were, they could wait.

"I…" His hand rubbed the back of his neck, "I suppose not. Forgive me, I needed a small reprieve from barking orders. If you have something else that requires your attention…"

Ellie held up her hand, "Not at all. I don't mind being a distraction." At his silence, she glanced over to see a blush creep across his cheeks.

_How in the world can he go from sultry to shy in a matter of seconds?_

"Tell me about Templar life," she offered, awkwardly trying to change the subject.

"I'm afraid if you're wondering about the Order's current affairs, I can't tell you more than you already know. Anything else, I will answer as best as I can."

She thought for a moment. "What made you decide to join the Order?"

"I wanted to help and protect people. The Order seemed like best opportunity to do that. I practically begged them to train me. They humored me at first, but I must've shown promise. Or at least a willingness to learn. The local Knight Captain spoke to my parents and convinced them to let me join. I was thirteen when I left home."

Ellie's head turned towards him, "Thirteen? That's still so young."

"I wasn't the youngest there. Still, I was eighteen before they let me take full responsibilities. The Order sees you trained and educated first."

His explanation made sense. Memories of her brother flooded her mind. He was not much older than Cullen had been when he decided to leave for the Order. His choice devastated her parents. And her, though, as she was at the tender age of ten at the time, she wanted to believe it was for the greater good. That he would be a hero. "How did your family take it? Did you miss them?"

"Of course," he admitted softly, "But there were many my age who felt the same. We learned to look out for one another."

The notion of camaraderie made her heart feel better about her brothers choice; he wasn't alone. This was one of the first times Ellie had had a relaxed conversation with a Templar.

_Or.. Former Templar,_ she corrected herself.

She was ever so curious about the organization, mostly because she yearned to know what could've happened to her brother after he had left home. But conversing with the attractive Commander was a bonus she couldn't pass up.

"What did your training consist of? Lots of beating practice dummies senseless?" She quipped, referencing her earlier activities.

He smiled that dazzling smile of his as he looked at her.

_Andraste, preserve me,_ her mind groaned, silently chastising herself for having these relentless ideas.

"There was some training that involved practice targets, but most of our combat and battle training used real, moving targets," he teased her.

She gasped in mock offence. "Well I would've had a real target if he wasn't too much of a pansy to fight me," she countered, reaching over to give his arm a playful shove.

And there was that laugh of his again, "It wasn't just all combat training," he said matter-of-factly, "We had to memorize portions of the Chant of Light, study history, and improve mental focus."

"Ah, studying and reciting the Chant. Sounds a little more like your cup of tea," she snickered, knowing he was wearing his trademark smirk. "Seriously though, did you enjoy your training?"

"I wanted to learn everything. If I was going to give my life to this, I wanted to be the best Templar there was."

"You were a model student then? I should've guessed."

He grinned, the smile transferring into his tone, "I tried to be. Didn't always work out that way though. Watching as a candle burned while reciting the Chant of Transfigurations was not the most exciting task. I'll admit, my mind sometimes wandered."

Ellie made a noise of comprehension, "I can't really blame you. I am curious as to what typical Circle life was like, I would imagine it was fairly regimented."

The Commander snorted, "I hardly remember the last 'typical' day in the Circle. But it did involve a lot of routine. For instance, there were certain rituals that required a full guard. Like a mage's harrowing. I've attended a few. For the most part you just have to be present, but remain alert to act if needed."

She nodded in understanding, "I can assume mages didn't take too kindly to your watchful eye?"

He shrugged, "They pretended to ignore that presence but they were always watching us just as closely." He sighed and Ellie glanced at him, drinking in his expression. It seemed remorseful or something along those lines. "Mages and Templars may be at war with each other, but to see so many of them killed all at once…" His sentence trailed off and she now understood why he bore that look. "We're finally getting the full manifesto of who were supposed to be there. Informing the deceased's families is never an easy task."

Ellie stopped dead in her tracks, the shocking realization ceasing her body's will to move. "You're the one who's dealing with the list of those who were lost?"

Cullen stopped a few paces in front of her, then angled himself to face her. The look on his face was cautiously mystified, "I am."

She opened her mouth to speak but snapped it shut, not sure if she should reveal the information about her lost brother. It felt like his eyes were burning into her, willing her to speak. She gazed up at him, concern etched on his face. "I would like to ask something of a favour of you then, but I would prefer it to stay between us," she offered, nervously chewing on her bottom lip.

He took a step closer to her. "Of course. What is it, Ellie?"

Her skin prickled at the use of her name, the first time she'd ever heard it fall from his lips. It sounded lovely. And it broke what resolve she had left to keep this secret. "I, um…" She tripped, not knowing where to start, "The reason I was at the Conclave was because I was trying to track someone down." She dared to look at Cullen who was staring intently at her. She was wringing her hands now. Another nervous tick.

"My older brother left when I was young to join the Order as well. The day he left was the last day I ever heard from him. I had tried contacting him when he was at the Circle in Ostwick but he never wrote back. I assumed he wanted to leave us all behind and after a while, I think I somewhat accepted that." She took a deep breath, the admission being more difficult than she had anticipated, "I stopped trying after I discovered he had been transferred out of the Free Marches. But when the Mage rebellion began, I needed to find him, to make sure he was okay."

The Commander took another step near her, sensing where this might be going.

"I heard from a number of sources that he would be at the Conclave. I didn't actually see him there but…" she trailed off, looking at her feet.

Another pair of boot-clad feet came into her view, opposite hers. She clenched her eyes shut for a brief second before she flashed them up to lock with Cullen's.

"So," her voice was quiet now, timid, "If you find a Cain Trevelyan on that list, will you please let me know?" Again, she bit her lip and looked back down, not able to hold his eye contact any longer.

His eyebrows knit together. "I will let you know at once," he breathed, reaching out a gloved hand and gently placing under her chin, tilting it back up so she was gazing at him once more. "You have my word, Ellie," he vowed, releasing his hand from her face.

He backed a way a touch, giving her some space. She shot him an appreciative smile. "Thank you, Cullen."

He nodded back, pausing a moment while she regained her composure. She wasn't a crier, not by a long shot, but that didn't mean she was heartless or didn't feel emotional pain. She was just better at keeping it hidden.

"Is that why you're so curious about the Order?" the question jilted her out of her thought.

"Partially. I also realized that you being a Templar once was one of the only things I actually knew about you." The confession made the Commander smile softly. "There is one more thing I wanted to know about the Templars though, if you don't mind?"

"By all means, ask away."

She waited a moment, considering if she should really ask. "Do Templars have to take vows of celibacy?"

When Cullen appeared to choke on thin air at the question, Ellie knew that it was so worth asking.

"I beg you're pardon?"

Her eyebrow quirked up, "You heard me, Cullen."

The dumbfounded look was still evident on his face and she watched as his cheeks changed colour. He cleared his throat, "Well, uh, Templars can marry, for starters, though there are some rules around it. Some may choose to give up more to prove their devotion, but it's, um… Not required."

Ellie was enjoying this perhaps too much, "And what about you, Commander?"

"Me?" He asked, incredulous, "I, uh, no. I have taken no such vows. Maker's breath, can we speak of something else?"

Ellie couldn't hold back the howl of laughter any longer, revelling in the embarrassment of her advisor. "As you wish, Commander, that's all I wanted to know," she choked out between laughs as they made their way back towards the training grounds, a smile slapped on her face for the rest of the day, and a blush on his.


	5. Chapter 5: Little Talks

**Just wanted to take a quick minute to thank everyone who has read up to this point so far! Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.**

**Thank you!**

**This chapter is a little shorter than the others but it was the only logical place for me to stop it between this one and the next.**

**Please enjoy and review! :)**

It had been almost two weeks since Ellie and her merry band of followers had left for the Hinterlands. In some ways, Ellie was happy this was the first place she had to go with her party. She had spent a lot of time in these hills, so she was quite familiar with the layout. It took some awkwardness out of the rest of the journey when she actually had an idea of where they were going. Fereldan honestly almost felt more like home than the Free Marches did.

To say that Cassandra, Solas, and Varric all together were well-matched in personalities was a gross underestimate. They tolerated each other, at best. Cassandra with her no-nonsense attitude, Solas' melodrama and condescendence, and Varric with his satire that kept everyone on their toes and Ellie within her sanity. But they were all more than adept at carrying out the work at hand, which Ellie was thankful for. It made the babysitting worth it.

Between finding and exterminating secret apostate hideouts and hidden Templar camps, closing who knows how many of those Maker-forsaken rifts, and helping farmers and other country folk when she could, Ellie was exhausted. But at least the effort proved fruitful. Other than that warm, fuzzy feeling you get from helping people, she managed to acquire a number of valuable items and was able to persuade Horsemaster Dennet to help the Inquisition.

The Herald had had dealings with the Horsemaster in the past. There was no doubting that he had some of the best steeds in the country and his contribution and expertise would prove very useful.

It also helped that she talked him into letting her have one of the stallions herself. She had always loved riding horses. It was one of the few joys she took with her from her childhood in Ostwick. The glamor and nobility she was all but too happy to leave behind, but any time her mother took her to the stables to go riding were some of her only fond memories of the place. Of course, she wasn't too impressed that her mother insisted on riding like a lady; legs together on one side, all prim and proper. But it was something.

The group was making the trek back to Haven, they were almost there in fact. Ellie, perched atop her black horse, she rode at a slow pace while the rest of her company was riding behind her on borrowed horses from the stock that would be supplied to the Inquisition.

"I wonder if we'll be getting any miniature ponies as well? It would be perfect for you, Varric," the Herald pondered out loud in an attempt to provoke the dwarf.

"Shut it, you! I can ride a normal horse just fine."

"Oh, I know that. But just how many of us did it take to get you up there?" She held back a snicker when Varric scoffed.

"No one helped me up here!"

"That's right, didn't you manage to find a step ladder?" Cassandra piped in unexpectedly, to which Ellie roared. She had been learning that every once in a while, the Seeker would surprise them with a well-timed, witty comment.

Varric grumbled a response as they rounded the corner, Haven's walls coming into view. A smile was plastered on Ellie's face.

_Only because you can sleep in a normal bed tonight and have a proper bath, Ellie_, she reminded herself, _has nothing to do with Cullen. _

They reached the stables just south of the city walls, dismounting their horses. The other three members of the party gathered their wares and made to head to their respective dwellings. Ellie was taking a little more time, giving her new horse, whom she decided to name Zephyr, a quick brush before heading towards her new home.

Maker, I need a bath, Ellie thought to herself, running her fingers through her disheveled blond locks.

As she departed from the stables, Zephyr gave a small whinny, causing Ellie to look back at her. With her head turned in the opposite direction from where she was walking, there was an audible _clang _followed by a _thump_ as Ellie fell gracelessly to the ground, presumably walking into some large, metal structure of some sort.

_I don't remember any metal pillars being right in the middle of the road… _Propped up on her elbows, she rose to a sitting position and opened her eyes to see a pair of dark brown, leather-clad legs in front of her.

_No, please, no,_ she beckoned as her eyes trailed upwards to see who the legs belonged to. Her fear was realized when she was met with the familiar face of the Commander, his annoying smirk plastered on his face.

"You would think with your intelligence and combat skills, you would at least have the mind to watch where you're going," he teased, stretching out one of his hands to help her get back on her feet.

In her stubbornness and embarrassment, she swatted his hand away, refusing to be any more pathetic than she already felt. "And you would think that with your chivalrous and noble background, that you would have the decency not to mow down an unsuspecting young lady."

The Commander chuckled lightly, then crouched down and slid his arm around Ellie, hoisting her back up to her feet. "I hardly mowed you down, I was just standing here. You walked into me." He looked at her, kindness in his warm eyes though his voice was laced with mockery.

Though she was now standing firmly on her feet now, her gaze had locked with his and she stopped breathing altogether, especially with his arm still tight around her waist. She blinked, unsure what to do. His eyes were gentle but unrelenting and she felt herself almost start to panic.

"I, um," she started, unsure of where she was even going with her sentence. "I should probably get home."

He looked down, nodding with a small smile of disappointment, releasing his grip on her torso. "Would you mind if I walk you there? There is a matter I would like to discuss with you."

The request caught her a little off guard, but she complied. Her nerves were already shot now, what more damage could be done?

"While you were gone," he spoke softly, so as not to be heard by passersby, "I did find that name you were looking for among those who didn't survive the Conclave." He paused, regarding her countenance before continuing. "We held Last Rites for those lost. I can imagine you would have preferred to be there for it but I couldn't postpone it any longer. Not without raising suspicion. There was a vigil of sorts, candles lit for all who had perished. I made sure to light one on your behalf."

Ellie drank in his words thoughtfully. It was a bittersweet moment. She was relieved that her brother's soul was finally laid to rest and that Cullen had been compassionate enough to both keep her secret and honor her brother. But she knew now for certain that Cain was gone and that thought made her heart sink right through her.

They reached the door to her abode, and before she went inside she turned to the Commander. "Thank you, Cullen," her voice genuine, she briefly placed her hand on his arm, her eyes looking as if she were about to fall apart at any moment. He gave her a sad smile as she broke away, retreating to the privacy of her home.

She shut the door behind her and leaned back on it, taking deep breaths to calm herself. She hadn't cried in years and she didn't want to start now. When she felt she had gained a semblance of composure she made her way to her bed, only to find a small bouquet of wildflowers with piece of folded paper beside it. Reaching out, she took the paper and opened it.

_'Dear Ellie, _

_I am truly sorry for your loss. Please let me know if I can be of any help. You have my deepest sympathies. _

_Cullen'_

As she read the words, her eyes welled up. The gesture was the breaking point for her resolve, and for the first time in a long time, Ellie broke down and mourned.


	6. Chapter 6: Torn

_Knock, knock_

Ellie heard the sound of someone rapping on the door to her home. She had just finished getting herself put together from stepping out of the bath. She was dressed and had her regular choice of makeup on but she was still trying to work out the tangles in her hair. Gradually running her comb through her long locks, she walked to the door, swinging it open to find a messenger.

He bowed his head quickly, "Herald, your presence is required in the War Council room immediately."

Ellie nodded her head in understanding and the messenger departed. It had been just over a month since the Conclave and Ellie was getting used to being summoned into council meetings by now. In some ways, their reliance on her was still an odd concept but she was slowly coming into her own within her role.

It felt warmer than normal out today so, having adjusted to the climate in the Frostbacks, she decided to skip wearing her jacket and simply sported her usual leather pants and a fitted cotton, long-sleeved shirt with a neckline that was a little lower than what she normally wore. It showed just a hint of her ample cleavage, but that was enough in her opinion. She wanted to keep some of the mystery, after all.

While it wasn't as cold as it had been, the wind was still biting with her hair still wet, so she weaved it into a basic side braid and left her house to meet her fellow council members in the Chantry.

She hadn't seen much of Leliana, Josephine or Cullen in the past week or so since she'd come back from the Hinterlands. Not outside of War Council meetings and other Inquisition-related issues, anyways.

She had convened with Josephine quite a bit lately, it would seem, if only to settle squabbles with Orlesian nobles who had come to lend their influence to the Inquisition. It was a petty necessity to Ellie. She was well versed in dealing with high society and used that to her advantage, which she was certain Josephine was grateful for.

Leliana was considerably more distant towards the Herald. Why, Ellie had no idea. Perhaps because they possessed a similar skill set, one that makes you keenly observant and secretive, though Leliana's network was far superior to Ellie's. Ellie was cautious around her, as she probably would be indefinitely.

The Commander had been truly swamped with work. New recruits seemed to appear every single day, varying degrees of training between them. It was uplifting to see so many pledge themselves to this movement, but it kept Cullen rather preoccupied. Ellie refused to admit she was disappointed. The only time she had seen him outside the War Room was a few stolen glances and shy smiles from across the training grounds and when she witnessed him expertly diffuse Chancellor Roderick's raucous opposition to the Inquisition.

Not to mention Ellie's travels kept her busy or absent quite frequently. Most recently she had just come back from the Maker-forsaken Storm Coast. Ellie would take the chilly mountain air over being perpetually drenched from their continuous rain.

Ellie had been to the Storm Coast once previously in her life, though it was many years ago. It was actually where she had landed when she originally came to Ferelden after leaving the Free Marches. As it turns out, Ellie was prone to getting sea sick, so when they had arrived at the Coast, she was all too happy to be on solid ground. At that point, she could have cared less how rainy it was as long as she didn't have to set foot on another boat again for a very long time. But even then, she didn't stick around the area too long, yearning to not be sopping wet all of the time.

This time around, she was so fed up with the weather there that she cut the trip shorter than they had originally intended, but they still managed to acquire a new companion and his mercenaries. Iron Bull and his Chargers.

She couldn't help but think that Iron Bull was the most fitting name she had ever heard. The Ben-Hassrath was a talented warrior, as were his men, and their assistance would be invaluable. What amazed Ellie was that he was unlike any Qunari she had ever met before. The ones she had encountered previously were controlled, emotionless and unfriendly. Iron Bull was the exact opposite. He laughed easily, made dirty jokes and lewd comments galore and loved his alcohol. It was a nice change, Ellie concluded, and she heartily welcomed him into the Inquisition.

Ascending the front steps, Ellie opened the Chantry doors with an audible creak. She could hear voices from the back room from the entry way.

_That's never a good sign…_

"Having the Herald address the clerics is not a terrible idea," Ellie heard the distinctive accent of the ambassador as she walked into the room.

The three must have been getting quite involved in the debate as the tension in the air was thick and none of them did much to acknowledge Ellie as she entered the meeting.

"You can't be serious!" Cullen spat incredulously. Josephine kept her unshakeable diplomatic demeanour while Cullen was obviously worked up about the situation. Ellie quietly observed. She wasn't about to jump into a heated discussion with little information. Even if the argument was about her, apparently.

"Mother Giselle isn't wrong. At the moment, the Chantry's only strength is that they are united in opinion."

Cullen groaned in frustration, but instead of countering, he began pacing, rubbing the back of his neck. Ellie realized he seemed to do that often, either when he was nervous or stressed. Other times he would pinch the bridge of his nose. Everyone had a tell when it came to their anxiety levels.

"And we should ignore the danger to the Herald?" came the voice of the spymaster, passive-aggressively taunting Josephine's logic.

Ellie sighed. "I'm standing right here, you know."

"You're right," Josephine surrendered, "Let's ask her."

The Herald considered her wording for a moment "I'm not worried, it is just talk after all. But," she paused thoughtfully, "This may not actually help at all."

"I wouldn't be so quick to underestimate the power of their words, Herald," Leliana said, "An angry mob will do you in just as quickly as a blade. But she's right, Josephine. Her risk is too high for something that could very well not be helpful."

Ellie heard footsteps approach behind her, seeing Cassandra come into view on her left. "I will go with her. Mother Giselle said she could provide us names? Use them," she ordered Leliana.

The spymaster gave her a look of derision, "But why? It's nothing but a…"

"What choice do we have, Leliana?" The Seeker interrupted, already exasperated, "Right now we can't approach anyone for help with the Breach. Use what influence we have to call the clerics together. Once they are ready, we will see this through."

Cassandra's words were the final ones of the debate. Together they would go to Val Royeaux immediately to attempt to peacefully reason with the Chantry. Their party would set forth tomorrow morning.

Ellie knew this mission was a necessary evil. She despised Val Royeaux. Her parents would take her and her brother their every summer because that's where her aunt Tatiana lived. So each summer Ellie and Cain were forced to endure countless hours of boring dinner parties and galas, shopping in overpriced markets and were almost constantly scolded for not having perfect manners at all times. It was a beautifully structured city, she would give it that. But she was very aware that the same behavioral pretense there remained.

The council members filtered out the room slowly. Ellie was left staring at the giant map of Orlais and Ferelden that was on the table, completely lost in thought. A large hand placed tenderly on her shoulder jilted her from her headspace.

She turned her head to see golden eyes focused on her. He looked at her silently, an unreadable expression on his face. She kept holding his gaze, unmoving for fear that he might break contact.

"Please," he broke the silence with a concerned tone that ranged barely over a whisper, "Please be careful."

With that, the Commander retreated out of the War Room, leaving Ellie staring after him, stupefied.

The sooner they got back from Val Royeaux, the better.

Ellie arrived back from Val Royeaux absolutely livid. The ignorant, self-righteous attitude of the Chantry was one thing. She was not expecting a warm welcome from them. Their disrespect and self-serving lies were more slanderous than she was expecting, though. It clouded any sense of reason they may have had.

But it was the Templars that set Ellie off. Their pompous display was beyond abhorrent as far as Ellie was concerned. She didn't want to judge the entire Order from the Lord Seeker's actions, but it definitely dampened her inclination towards asking the Templars for their assistance to close the Breach.

When Grand Enchanter Fiona approached Ellie as they exited the city, reaching out on behalf of the rebel mages, the Herald felt even more inclined to approach the mages. They sought her out, whereas the Templars completely rejected her.

Ellie immediately called a War Council meeting upon her return to Haven. She paced in the back of the War Room waiting for the other members. She knew she needed to quell her frustration, to make this decision rationally. She didn't want to act as the Chantry and Templars did, blinded by their own hatred that they refused to see what the real danger is.

Cullen was the first to arrive in the room, followed closely by the other three women of the council. When he saw the countenance of the Herald, he must have sensed her agitated state for he shot her a wary look.

The door closed shut and Ellie related the events of Val Royeaux as calmly as she could, with Cassandra backing up what had transpired.

"That said," Ellie spoke clearly, and glanced at the Commander, curious as to how he would react to what she had to say next, "I am going to Redcliffe to meet with the mages."

If her announcement stirred anything within Cullen, it did not show on his face at least. "So you've made your decision then?" He asked, the irritation in his voice showing through ever so slightly.

"I have not committed to anything yet, Commander," Ellie replied matter-of-factly. "But unlike the Templars, they have reached out to us. We at least owe them a listening ear."

"That may be, but you would base your decision and view of the Templars on the actions of a few?"

Ellie gritted her teeth at the implication. "If it were just a few random Templars that did what they did, I wouldn't be as concerned. But this was the Lord Seeker, not just some nobody."

"There must be something wrong with the Lord Seeker," Cassandra interjected, "He is known to be a reasonable man. There has to be more at play behind what he did. I agree with Cullen that we should not base the decision solely on that."

The Herald held up her hands, gesturing for them to stop. "Like I said, I haven't made my decision yet, I haven't committed to either of them one way or the other. I simply want to hear the mages out and talk to them myself. Is that really so problematic for you?" She had to hold back glaring daggers at Cullen when she spoke.

They all shook their heads. With the argument settled, the meeting was adjourned and the council members had begun to leave, but Ellie had not moved from the back of the room yet. Instead, her arms positioned on the table, holding herself up as her head hung low, eyes closed.

"Commander Cullen," she heard him stop, "A word please?"

She listened as the door closed and she took a deep breath before raising her head to regard the Commander. He returned her gaze, his arms folded across his chest.

Ellie bit her lip before speaking. "I would have hoped that you, of all people, would know that I wouldn't jump to such rash and extreme conclusions of the Templars as a whole from one incident." She paused and waited to see if he had anything to say in return. He kept quiet so she continued. "You know of my brother, and you must know that I hold you, Cullen, in very high esteem and have respect for you and what the Templars represent," she dared to make eye contact at the admission, "But just as I cannot judge them negatively by the actions of a few, I also cannot excuse all of their transgressions because I know of two of their best men. I hope you can understand that." Her voice had become softer then, willing him to understand.

He kept his defensive stature as he regarded her, his amber eyes wandered over her figure briefly then went back to stare at her silver ones. She just stood there, waiting for him to say or do something. At this point she was silently cursing herself for being so brazen.

"Forgive me," he spoke, causing her focus to snap back to him, "I do understand your point, and I apologize for slighting your character. You have done much to earn my respect as well and I do not want you to feel as though this choice has tarnished that opinion."

She froze as he dropped his crossed arms and began walking around the table to face her, "I will not stand in the way of whatever decision you ultimately make. All I am asking is for you to understand why the Templars would be a safer choice in closing the Breach. I have seen... The most horrifying, unspeakable things when mages are corrupted and turned into abominations and the tendency for that to happen occurs more than it needs to. I do not hate mages as a whole, nor do I believe them all to be bad."

He was standing directly in front of her now, mere inches away from her. Her breathing seemed to halt altogether and she could only hope the effect of his close proximity wasn't showing in her eyes as he looked into them.

"But with the weakness in the Veil caused by that Breach, I fear the mages will not be able to defend themselves against demons and that would put us all in very grave danger. I can't let that happen. Not to the Inquisition. And not to you."

She could feel goosebumps rising on her skin as he reached out with a gloved hand and cupped her cheek. It felt like an eternity as his warm eyes bore into hers. She felt paralyzed, unable to move or speak as she looked up at him. She cursed herself again, but this time for becoming so vulnerable under this man's touch.

Then, in an instant, his hand left her face to rub the back of his neck as he stepped back. Without another word, he all but fled the room, leaving the dumbstruck Herald alone in the War Room, picking up the continuously breaking pieces of her normally strong, guarded heart.


	7. Chapter 7: Snap Out Of It

**Hey everyone! Big thanks again to all who have stuck with this story so far. A huge thanks to Princess Of Mirkwood2 who gave me my very first review! Made me one happy camper.**

**Also, I'm going to be away for a few days so this is my last update until next week sometime. Should hopefully get some writing done while I'm gone at least :)**

**Enjoy!**

When Ellie arrived back to Haven after visiting Redcliffe, she was distraught. Never in a million years did she think the mages would succumb to being slaves to a Tevinter magister. The very notion made her feel sick to her stomach.

Literally the only perks Ellie has had since she went to Val Royeaux was the fact that she recruited three more companions to their cause. Two of which, she acquired while in Val Royeaux.

Vivienne was the first new person to join the Inquisition. Admittedly, Ellie was hesitant to accept her help. The First Enchanter was the poster child of everything Ellie hated about Orlais. She was pretentious, haughty and ostentatious. Ellie could not deny her talent in wielding magic, however and Vivienne's connections and influence could be of great value to the Inquisition. So, Ellie suppressed her personal preferences and recruited her. She did have a hard time picturing Vivienne sleeping in a tent and travelling for weeks though.

They also managed to recruit a member of the Friends of Red Jenny, a petite elf named Sera who ran her mouth more than Ellie did. Sera was a rogue who fought for those who were always caught in the middle of chaos. But she expressed, albeit in her own slightly confusing way, that she desperately wanted to order restored in Thedas. Her marksmanship was astounding though and, despite her impulsive and reactionary ways, Ellie welcomed her to the cause.

The last person they managed to secure was actually in the Hinterlands, on their way to Redcliffe. There had been a rumour that there was a Grey Warden near their established Upper Lake Camp. She convinced her party to take a minor detour to see for themselves and they were not disappointed. Blackwall was a lone Grey Warden who had been trying to recruit members of his own to join their ranks. Without there being a blight, however, he was having little success. His expertise with his sword and shield, as well as the perseverance that came with being a Warden was an asset.

Unfortunately, Ellie barely had time to exchange pleasantries with her three new companions before going to Redcliffe. Of course, she could have chosen to take some of them along but she had a gut feeling that this meeting may not go as well as she had planned, so she opted to take the three members she was already familiar with. Minus Cassandra. She was starting to warm up to the Seeker slowly, but even Cassandra had to admit that she lacked tact when dealing with people. She chose to bring Iron Bull instead, another warrior who looked like the very definition of intimidating.

Her gut feeling was always stupidly accurate. The mages turning themselves into slavery and the magister Gereon Alexius who made Ellie's skin crawl was not the surprise she was expecting. Ellie had had encounters with Tevinter slavers in the past. None of them ended well. For the magisters, anyways. When she had seen first hand the destitution of the slaves under their command, heard the horrific stories of those who had escaped, it had a profound effect on the Herald and she would always do what she could to fight for those who could not.

_As long as you don't get too hung up on any of the slaves again,_ Ellie reminded herself before shaking her head in an attempt not to dwell too much on that subject. It was the one she fought the hardest to keep locked in the farthest corner of her mind.

Even though Ellie had all but just got back to Haven, she was already starting to mentally prepare herself for going back to Redcliffe. She had made up her mind on whose help to seek. Now it was a matter of getting the rest of the council members on board.

_Easier said than done…_

Her footsteps barely made a sound as she walked down the long hall of the Chantry. Stepping lightly was a habit, due to her training as a rogue, and it was handy as hell.

When she opened the door to the back room, the council members had already convened, waiting for her presence. They had already been informed of the events that transpired in Redcliffe and the Venatori threat that posed a grave danger to the rebel mages, as well as to the Inquisition. She paused, bracing herself for the inevitable argument that was about to happen.

Ellie inhaled deeply, "We're going to work with the mages."

As suspected, Cullen was the first to speak up, "We don't have the manpower to take the castle," his tone was more neutral to the subject than Ellie had predicted, "Either we find another way in or we give up this nonsense and go get the Templars."

_Ah, there's the Cullen we all know!_

"Redcliffe is in the hands of a magister," Cassandra replied, "This cannot be allowed to stand."

"The letter from Alexius asked for the Herald of Andraste by name. It's an obvious trap." Ellie suppressed an eye roll at the ambassador's words. It didn't take a genius to see that she was being set up.

"Well isn't that kind of him," Ellie's voice oozed sarcasm, "What did Alexius say about me?"

"He's so complimentary that we are certain he wants to kill you," Leliana offered lightheartedly.

Ellie did actually roll her eyes time, "You don't say?"

There was an irritated mumble from Josephine that Ellie didn't quite hear. Her focus was on the Commander when he piped up again.

_Purely for his knowledge of Redcliffe and military tactics_, Ellie convinced herself, _Nothing more…_

"Redcliffe Castle is one of the most defensible fortresses in Ferelden. It has repelled thousands of assaults." The Commander turned his gaze upon the Herald, "If you go in there, you'll die."

He sounded both concerned for Ellie and angry that she was even considering this, and for a fleeting moment, Ellie felt an inkling of an emotion she hadn't felt in years.

"And we'll lose the only means we have of closing these rifts. I won't allow it." With the conclusion of his sentence, Ellie instantly felt like an idiot.

_Of course that's why he wants to keep me out of harms way,_ she thought bitterly, _how could I have fooled myself into thinking anything else?_

Crestfallen, she ripped her gaze from the Commander and turned her attention to the spymaster.

"And if we don't even try to meet Alexius, we lose the mages and leave the hostile foreign power on our doorstep."

Josephine interjected, "Even if we could assault the keep, it would be for nought. An Orlesian's Inquisition army marching into Ferelden would provoke a war. Our hands are tied!"

"The magister…" Cassandra started, only to have the Commander finish her sentence.

"Has outplayed us."

Ellie sighed. While her counsellors had valid points, Ellie would not be backing down from this one. Her mind was made up, and that was that. "We can't just give up! There has to be something we can do."

To her surprise, Cassandra had been the one backing her up in this debate. "We cannot accept defeat now. There must be a solution."

Ellie ran a hand through her blond locks, racking her brain for a course of action they hadn't thought of yet. "Where is the Arl of Redcliffe? I'm sure he would help us get his castle back."

Josephine was quick to shut down that suggestion.

"Wait!" Leliana declared, "There is a secret passage into the castle, an escape route for the family. It's too narrow for our troops but we could send agents through."

As far as Ellie was concerned, that was the only plausible strategy they'd had thus far.

Cullen clearly wasn't as convinced, "It's too risky. Those agents will be discovered well before they reach the magister."

"That's why we need a distraction," the spymaster countered, "Perhaps the envoy that Alexius wants so badly."

The Commander nodded, the wheels in his head finally turning, "Focus their attention on Ellie while we take out the Tevinters. It's risky, but it could work."

Ellie nearly smiled that the entire table was finally beginning to agree on something when the door unexpectedly opened. To the Herald's astonishment, the intruder was none other than the Tevinter mage she had ran into during her first visit to Redcliffe. Dorian was his name, if she was not mistaken, and he had actually been of great help to them while they were there. He provided a ruse to distract the Venatori cultist so he could meet them in the Redcliffe Chantry. Inside the Chantry was a rift, one that distorted time around itself. Once it was closed, Dorian proceeded to inform them of what was really going on and the reality of the danger they were in.

Dorian was also very good looking with a distinctive moustache he pulled off so well it probably made every man jealous. The only problem with his appearance was that he was obviously aware of his attractiveness as well. His grandstanding took some adjusting to, but he was clever and his wit was razor sharp.

He strode into the room, shoulders back and a cocky smile on his face. "Fortunately, you'll have help," he announced, shooting a wink to Ellie that made her grin openly. She was too distracted by the mages display that she didn't notice the scathing glare Dorian was receiving from the only other male in the room.

A guard approached behind Dorian, looking as worried as ever. He tried justifying how Dorian managed to make his way into the War Room. Ellie quietly reassured him that it was alright, and excused the guard. The door to the room shut once more and Dorian stood next to Ellie.

"Your spies will never get past Alexius' magic without my help. So if you're going after him, I'm coming along."

Cullen managed to stop sneering at the mage to turn his focus to the Herald, "The plan puts you in the most danger. We can't in good conscience order you to do this. We can still go after the Templars if you'd rather not play the bait. It's up to you," he uttered softly.

In Ellie's mind, there was no turning back now. They had a solid plan and now they had an addition source of help and insight in dealing with the magister. "We must stop Alexius. If we don't face him now, I fear the Venatori threat will only grow stronger." She turned to Dorian, "How soon can you be ready to go?"

The Tevinter laughed and flashed a dazzling smile, "My darling, I was born ready."


	8. Chapter 8: Famous Last Words

**Hi everyone! I'm back! Thanks to everyone that's kept reading in my absence. Hopefully this chapter and the ones to follow satisfy!**

**Much thanks to everyone who has reviewed/followed/favorited so far. Means the world to a lil ol' writer like me.**

**Onward!**

The Herald and her three companions made it Redcliffe. She never thought there would come a day that she would admit something like this, but she really rather enjoyed the company of a Tevinter mage. He wasn't like the vast majority of them, not by a long shot. Sure, he was confident and vain, but he abhorred what the Imperium stood for now, the corruption that took place and the secrecy that festered. He also had one of the strongest hates for blood magic she had ever seen, especially from a mage. Aside from his steadfast values regarding magic and his homeland, he was ridiculously fun company, Ellie concluded. He always made her laugh, was quick to throw in a clever remark and he flirted constantly. Not just with Ellie either. It didn't bother her at all, he wasn't exactly her type in that sense, but it made for good entertainment. Especially when he tried making a pass at Solas once.

Along with Dorian, Ellie decided to bring Iron Bull for his brute strength and Solas. She concluded that if they would be dealing with mages, magisters and whatever creatures from the Fade that brought, it was best to fight fire with fire.

When they had reached the castle, she had only brought Solas and Iron Bull with her. They couldn't know that Dorian was with them just yet. They tried refusing the rest of her party entrance. That idealistic expectation of theirs died rather quickly and the three of them were escorted to Alexius.

The throne room of the fortress gave Ellie chills. It was near empty except for a few guards and Alexius sitting on his throne with his son at his side. There was a fireplace behind the magister, the only source of light in the room, and it cast a shadow on the whole of Alexius' figure which only added to creepiness.

The Venatori cultist smoothly said that he would make an arrangement for the mages that would benefit everyone. Ellie had to hold back a laugh. Fiona had entered the room before she good, a fierce look on her face, all but demanding that she has a say in the fate of her people.

Ellie told the magister blankly that the Grand Enchanter deserved to have a voice in their negotiations.

"The Inquisition needs mages to close the Breach and I have them. So what shall you offer in exchange?" Alexius asked proudly, as if he had the upper hand.

Ellie replied with a devilish grin, "Why, absolutely nothing, of course."

Stunned by her response, the magister didn't have time to formulate a reply before his son Felix addressed him, "They know everything, Father."

"Felix," boomed the dark voice of Alexius, "What have you done?"

Ellie grimaced. She hated solving family disputes, but she conceded this once, "Your son is concerned that you're involved in something terrible."

The magister scoffed, "So speaks the thief! Do you think that you can turn my son against me? You walk into my stronghold with your stolen mark, a gift you don't even understand, and think you're in control? You're nothing but a mistake!"

This man was seriously starting to piss Ellie off and she did not bother hiding behind a straight face or sugar-coated words any longer. "If you know so much, why don't you enlighten me? Tell me what this mark on my hand is for."

"It belongs to your betters, you wouldn't even begin to understand its purpose."

Felix pleaded with his Father to reconsider his path, to back down. Alexius would have none of that, judging by his facial expression.

"He sounds exactly like every sort of villainous cliché everyone expects us to be," Dorian spat as he strode into the room, glaring daggers at his former mentor.

The magister sounded thoroughly surprised at Dorian's arrival, and of his apparent stand in all of this. Alexius spoke of the part he had offered Dorian in his extremist views and actions, saying something about an 'Elder One' and bring Tevinter back to its former glory.

Ellie looked incredulous at his ignorance, "That's who you serve, the one who killed the Divine? Is he a mage?"

"Soon he will become a god! He will make the world bow to mages once more!" His words and tone were becoming more and more fanatical and unhinged with every syllable he spoke. Ellie's mind was racing both in confusion and determination.

"You can't involve my people in this!" cried Fiona.

Dorian stepped in along with Felix, imploring Alexius fervently once more to not carry on with this madness. The way they pleaded with him made Ellie's heart ache. To have to all but get on your hands and knees and beg someone you cared for to stop toying with danger was sobering to watch. Alexius confessed that he had the best of intentions, saving his son's life, when signing a deal with the devil, but he was not about to turn back from his decision now, despite Felix trying to persuade him otherwise.

"Seize them, Venatori! The Elder One demands this woman's life."

As his command rang through the hall, they were met with the distinct gurgling sound of men having their throats slit. The Inquisition's agent had apparently made through the secret pass and killed the Venatori guards in sync. The look on Alexius' face was priceless.

"Your men are dead, Alexius," Ellie growled through clenched teeth.

The magister replied with whispers of her being a mistake and, with a mysterious amulet in his hand, started conjuring a rift. Dorian was quick to act and spun his own magic to disrupt his fellow Tevinter's actions. The amulet flew out of Alexius' hand and opened up some kind of portal to the left of the room. It didn't look the the rift Ellie was used to dealing with but it still held that eerie green aura around it.

She couldn't comprehend much else after that because then the world around her went black.

* * *

They were back, thank the Maker, they were actually back!

When they landed back in the Redcliffe Castle, in the correct year this time, Ellie was so happy and relieved she could have kissed someone, anyone, even Solas. She scrunched her nose at the thought.

_Okay, maybe not Solas..._

The portal Alexius opened had sent her and Dorian forward through time. One year ahead, to be exact. And the future that awaited them if Alexius' plan has been followed through was terrifying. Beyond terrifying. She couldn't let it happen if there was some way to prevent it.

After some harrowing discoveries and grisly battles, her and her new favorite sidekick managed to reverse what the amulet had done and sent them back from the future, enabling them also to take Alexius as a prisoner.

She still didn't even know who this Elder One really was and yet Ellie had never been more determined to stop someone.

They had arrived back in Haven and Ellie had been unusually quiet the whole way there. Iron Bull and Dorian offered some reassuring words to her, and even Solas gave her a nod of approval, but she still felt this sickening feeling in her stomach. One that wouldn't go away no matter how hard she tried.

The convoy of the Inquisition, now with the addition of the rebel mages, brought relief to Ellie's comrades. They got what they went for and came back alive. When she passed Cullen on his way to the War Room for a briefing, he beamed at her upon knowing she was back and in one piece. But when he caught sight of the hollowness in her silver eyes, though she gave a failed attempt to match his joyful expression, his smile faltered considerably as he disappeared into the Chantry. Ellie had already advised her cohorts she would need a minute before she could join them.

She slipped into her house, breath shaky as she fought back tears. Ellie was not an emotional person and she cursed herself for becoming increasingly less calloused. The horror of what the world's future could become was more than she could handle, and the fact that a large portion of preventing that outcome fell mainly on her shoulders was a burden she didn't know she could bare.

_But I must try, if only for my own sake, I must try._

Her face was buried in her hands when she heard the door creak open. She didn't even bother looking. Yet she felt a warm hand on her shoulder and the comforting words of a voice she had come to recognize instantly.

"That future will not come to pass, Ellie," Dorian assured her, "I know, if anyone can see to that, it's you. Do not doubt yourself."

She inhaled deeply and tilted her face to be able to see Dorian behind her. His eyes held a caring that she hadn't seen in him before. She extended an appreciative look to him and placed her dainty hand atop his.

He gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze, "Come, let's go talk to the rest of the council. They deserve to hear what happened from us."

He released her shoulder and instead, offered his arm which she accepted gladly, linking hers with his. Dorian's affirmation of her abilities gave her the inner strength she needed to pull herself together and continue on.

The two kindred spirits walked arm in arm to the Chantry but just before they got to the front steps, she noticed Dorian's attention wane out of the corner of her eye.

"I'll meet you inside in a moment, darling. Alright?"

She simply nodded and they broke apart. When she entered the doors of the stone structure, her three advisors were in the middle of a heated argument. Again. This time in the Chantry's main hall.

"It's not a matter for debate," she heard the Commander's firm, infuriated voice, "There will be abominations among the mages and we must be prepared."

Ellie walked to take her place among the council just as Josephine began speaking. "If we rescind the offer of an alliance, it makes the Inquisition appear incompetent at best and tyrannical at worst."

Cullen turned his temper towards the Herald, "What were you thinking, turning mages loose with no oversight? The Veil is torn open!"

Ellie was taken aback by the Commander's vitriolic criticism, but was swift to stifle any appearance of her reaction. "Give them their freedom for now. If they prove later they can't handle it, then impose restrictions."

Apparently that answer was not sufficient to the former Templar, "And how many lives will be lost if they fail? With the Veil broken, the threat of possession is…"

"Look," Ellie interrupted with a fire in her eyes and speech that the Commander had not yet seen. She had put up with enough today. "For generations mages have been allowed no freedom or tolerance. Yes, they are dangerous and can become worse at any time. But have you thought that maybe, just maybe, if mages were viewed as equals with equal rights as the rest of us and given a noble, honest purpose without having a Templar breathing down their necks, they might actually be grateful enough to respectfully cooperate and behave." The Commander was clearly not expecting her fervor and appeared to be thrown off, especially when she practically growled the word 'Templar' at him. "I know things may not play out this way, but can please, just this once give the mages a chance to prove they are not all the monsters that everyone wants them to be?"

Her conviction made everyone fall quiet for a moment, thinking about the grand scheme of things, not just the worst case scenario.

Cassandra was the first to break the silence, "While I may not completely agree with the decision, I support it. The sole purpose of the Herald's mission was to gain the mages aid, and that was accomplished."

"The voice of pragmatism speaks," Dorian mused as he made his presence known, much to Ellie's relief, "And here I was just beginning to enjoy the circular arguments."

"Closing the Breach is all that matters," Cassandra concluded.

Ellie nodded, "I agree. We should do that as soon as we can."

"We should also look the things you saw in this dark future. The assassination of Empress Celene? A demon army?" Leliana suggested thoughtfully.

"Sounds like something a Tevinter cult might do. Orlais falls, the Imperium rises, chaos for everyone," Dorian quipped with amusement, shooting the Herald a charming grin.

She actually managed to quirk the corners of her lips back at him, the first time she'd genuinely smiled all day.

Something that didn't go unnoticed by the Commander. He sighed, "One battle at a time. It's going to take time to organize our troops and the mage recruits. Let's take this to the War Room. Join us, none of this means anything without your mark after all," he addressed the Herald, softer this time with a warm smile on his face.

She appreciated the friendliness but she still was not sure he would hold the same sincerity if it weren't for the glowing mark on her hand. Still, trying not to speak through gritted teeth, she acquiesced, "I'd be more than happy to."

"I'll skip the war council," the mage chimed in, quaintly assuming he was actually invited, "But I would like to see this Breach up close, if you don't mind?"

Ellie's eyes widened, her face beaming at the implication, "So then you're staying?"

Dorian raised an eyebrow, "Oh, didn't I mention? The south is so charming and rustic. I adore it to little pieces."

"There is no one I'd rather be stranded in time with, future or present," Ellie confessed, albeit in a sarcastic light, but there was a reality to her words.

He chuckled and shot her a wink, "Excellent choice! But let's not get stranded again any time soon, yes?"

There was an audible exhale to Ellie's right, she turned to the source who announced he would begin making preparations to march to the summit.

The group broke apart, busying themselves with their news tasks. Ellie made to leave the Chantry but a masculine voice stopped her in her tracks.

"May I have a word, Herald?"

Ellie stiffened at the use of her title as opposed to her name from the man whom she specifically requested to call her Ellie. It made her feel a mixture of being an object rather than a person and like feeling she was a child about to be scolded by her mother. Neither of which made her look forward to a one on one with the Commander.

He gestured to a small, empty room near the front of the Chantry. She silently obliged and entered the room, which was filled simply with some bookshelves and a sofa. She reluctantly sat, as he gently closed the door behind them.

Truthfully, Ellie had been trying to diminish whatever she had been feeling towards the Commander. Ever since the first time he let it be known that he was more concerned about the mark and what it could be used for, she'd given up on trying to flirt with him or pay him anymore attention than was necessary. But now, being in a room just with him as he sat on the sofa beside her, less than an inch of space between them, her hard work seemed to be for nothing.

She sat straight while the Commander leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees, hands clasped together. "It would seem," he uttered delicately, uncertainty in his tone, "There has been a misunderstanding between us and it's causing some tension."

Ellie blinked. "Oh?" Was all she managed to reply.

He moved his head to face her and sighed. "When I was a Templar, I was blinded by my hatred towards all mages. I didn't think of them as people, just walking time bombs and I treated them like that," he paused rubbing the back of his neck, "When I left the Order, I knew that belief, that stigma, had to change within me. I do think I've made progress in that regard, but I still struggle with it."

He stopped to observe her, drinking in the features of her face and searching for her reaction. Honestly, she was surprised by his candor. "I appreciate you telling me that, Cullen."

He gave her a faint version of his lop-sided smile before hanging his head back down, "The choice you've made to ally ourselves with the mages is not one I would have made. I don't think that's being bias, it's being necessarily cautious. But forgive me if I've made it sound like I'm taking it out solely on you."

Ellie bit her lip. She didn't want to lash out on him even though he definitely did make it seem like he was taking it out on her. Two wrongs didn't make a right, after all. "I do understand your cause for concern. And I know that with you're background as a Templar, accepting this decision is probably very difficult for you. But please, Cullen," she gingerly placed her hand on his arm, "Trust me on this one."

At her plea, he glanced at the feminine hand that she held on him then met her eyes. The moment seemed to suspend itself in time as they gazed at each other, not moving. Ellie felt like she couldn't breath and she silently cursed the beauty of his golden eyes.

"As you wish, Ellie," the words came out as a whisper. Then suddenly he broke away and stood up, opening the door just a bit before turning back to her, "Thank you for hearing me out and clearing the air. I will support your decision."

"I'll do my best to not let you down," the Commander nodded in reply and was about to leave but Ellie's voice halted him, "Oh and one more thing. If you call me anything but Ellie again, I will have your head on a pike."

He laughed at the joking threat as she smiled sweetly at him. He exited, leaving Ellie still sitting in the room by herself, drowned in confused thoughts about the man and where exactly she stood with him and where he stood with her. She knew what she secretly hoped, but still refused to become vulnerable.

_Not again,_ she resolved adamantly as she got up and left the building.


	9. Chapter 9: Tattered Line Of String

**Hello! I couldn't resist posting this chapter right away. We're starting to get to the good stuff! This chapter is in Cullen's POV.**

**Another sincere thanks to the influx of people that began following this story after the last chapter. **

**I would also like to thank Gidgeygirl for her review of Chapter 8! Your feedback was seriously appreciated and I'm a rather big fan of Dorian myself, he's a fun character in the game and equally entertaining to write :D**

**Enjoy! **

* * *

_She did it. It actually worked…_

Cullen couldn't help but smile, observing as the Herald along with help of the mages, actually sealed the Breach. It was a momentous victory, not just for Ellie or for the Inquisition, but for all of Thedas.

Up until this point, he had still been conflicted about allowing the mages to help. He wanted to trust Ellie, to share her ideals regarding their involvement. But between his own past dealings with them and the amount of other former Templars he had under his command in the Inquisition who only kindled his underlying panic, he couldn't commit to being anything more than neutral and diplomatic towards them, at best.

_But,_ the Commander marveled,_ she was right._

Her faith in their abilities was well founded and there hadn't yet been a single instance of possession. Now that the Breach was sealed, they no longer needed the mages, per se, but he felt more at ease having them around if they happened to stay. He would still keep a watchful eye though, ensuring his mental focus was sharp if he needed to act but prayed it would not come to that.

He was honestly a little nervous about using his abilities now. He knew it could be done with enough determination and control. He didn't need lyrium. But there was a dark part of him that still craved it so badly. When he had resolved to quit using the blue substance as he joined the Inquisition, he hadn't had a strong urge to use it again, at least not more than you would expect from someone going through withdrawal. But when the mages had been allied with the Inquisition, his resistance nearly waned. With the effects of withdrawal getting increasingly severe, he felt both exhausted, pained and tormented with each passing moment. He wasn't sure how he was able to endure it, or if he could.

He grimaced, clenching his fists, _I can endure it, and I will._

Back at Haven, morale was higher than he had ever seen it. As soon as they stared arriving back, they were greeted with drinking and dancing from everyone who had stayed home and saw that the foreboding green hole in the sky was gone. The troops and mages took full advantage of the festivities, gathering around a large fire and celebrating. It was heartwarming to see everyone enjoying themselves together as equals. Cullen doubted it would last past this evening, but it was an optimistic change, if only temporary.

The Commander casually walked through Haven, getting his hand shaken occasionally by one of his elated soldiers. As Cullen moved through the thrall of people, he noticed the absence of a particular person, the one whose very actions was the source of their joy this evening.

Stepping away to get the best view, he scanned the crowd, meticulously searching for her doll-like face and her halo of light hair which he had noticed she had worn in a neat ponytail today. He furrowed his brow when he couldn't seem to find her, but just as he had almost given up hope, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. Low and behold, to his delight it was the Herald, standing off in the distance alone, quietly observing the celebration.

He couldn't help but grin at the sight of her and slipped through the people to stand beside her. As he approached, he noticed the faint troubled look that graced her pretty features. She was leaning on her side against a few stacked wooden boxes, arms crossed over her torso. Cullen silently placed himself next to her as nonchalantly as possible. He hated how starting a simple conversation with this woman made his palms sweat.

She didn't seem to acknowledge him being beside her. He rubbed the back of his head anxiously, trying to think of some brilliant thing to say. He didn't possess the wit and charm that Tevinter did, the one whom Ellie seemed to take such a shine to. He fought a snarl at the thought.

"Not one for parties?" He offered, trying not to sound too shaky.

It was then that she regarded him, the corners of her rosy lips curling as she met his eyes. "Normally I am," she responded lightheartedly. But then her tone changed, becoming more serious, "Finally closing the Breach was a huge victory, but after what I saw in Redcliffe, I fear that there are still darker things we need to worry about. We're not out of the woods yet I don't think."

He observed her silver eyes, how they seemed haunted, almost vulnerable as she spoke. "What happened at Redcliffe, what you saw in the future… It must have been truly horrific to have you, of all people, shaken up still."

"Maker, Cullen. If you would've seen what had happened," her distressed words had his full attention as she opened up to him, "There was red lyrium everywhere! Everyone in the dungeon was being exposed to it, to the point that it began to actually grow out of them. People would literally turn into red lyrium and then they would harvest it. When we found Solas and Bull, they looked so sickly and Leliana had been tortured almost til the point of death. I don't even want to know what happened to you." The last sentence she spoke was so quiet, Cullen almost didn't catch it. When he did, his stomach tightened at her concern for him and he had to remind himself that now was not the time.

"Ellie," he placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I'm sorry you had to go through that, I wish I could've been there to do something, to keep you safe. But we will not let that future happen. I won't allow it."

She simply nodded, biting her lip.

He paused before he next spoke, trying to be certain it would be the right thing to say, "Is there anything I could do to cheer you up and at least enjoy tonight a little bit? We are all celebrating because of you, after all."

She returned the smile that played on his scarred lips, though hers looked more like a smirk. Her eyes flickered mischievously down his body and back up to his face, "Dance with me?"

His eyes grew wide and he almost choked on the air at her request, "I, um.."

The Commander's fumbled words were interrupted by the loud echoes of bells and both of their attentions were snapped towards the hill facing Haven. Without wasting a second, they both sprang into action. She left his side as he began sprinting towards the closed front gates.

"Forces approaching, to arms!" The Commander yelled to his troops.

By the time the Herald had made it back to him, Cassandra and others in tow, he had already received word from the watchguard as to the danger that threatened them.

_Maker, why did Ellie have to be right?_

The Seeker called to him, wanting to know who was attacking them and how urgent the situation was.

"One watchguard reporting. It's a massive force, the bulk over the mountains," Cullen did his utmost to sound as calm as possible so as not to raise unnecessary alarm, but their situation did not look good.

The ambassador approached, "Under what banner?"

He swallowed, "None."

"None?" Josephine asked in disbelief.

He watched as Ellie took a few tentative steps towards the sealed entrance, blades drawn when the gates started banging. There was a voice outside, pleading with them to let him in. When the guards looked at her hesitant to do anything, the Herald moved forward and opened the gates herself.

Cullen swiftly ran after the impulsive girl, sword drawn and ready to kill anyone that would dare harm her. They were met with a half dozen freshly made corpses and a thin man wearing a giant, floppy hat.

"I'm Cole, I came to warn you, to help," he reached out to Ellie and Cullen resisted the urge to take a swing at him before he continued speaking, his voice pleading, "People are coming to hurt you, you probably already know."

"What is this? What's going on?"

The boys voice became low, "The Templars come to kill you." At the admission, Cullen clenched his fist.

_No, they can't be,_ he grit his teeth. "Templars?" The Commanders voice boomed as he stalked towards this Cole person, but before he took out his anger on him he turned towards Ellie, "Is this the Order's response to our talks with the mages? Attacking blindly?" He was in utter shock they would do such a thing.

"The Red Templars went to the Elder One," Cole whipped his head back to Ellie, "You know him? He knows you. You took his mages. There!"

They followed Cole's pointing finger up to a ridge near the base of the mountain. Cullen couldn't believe his eyes when he recognized the face next to this 'Elder One.'

_Samson._

"He's very angry you took his mages," Cole said sheepishly.

"Cullen," Ellie's voice begged, "Give me a plan! Anything!"

"Haven is no fortress. If we are to withstand this monster, we have to control the battle," he advised her with the absolute disposition of a military commander, "Get out there and hit that force. Use everything you can!" The Commander drew his sword and left to give orders to the mages and recruits, warning them of the perilous leader at the helm of the opposing army.

_Andraste, preserve us all…_

* * *

Cullen was certain that this would mean the death of them all. He had watched the fiery ball being hurled into the mountainside, causing an avalanche that wiped out a significant amount of the attacking forces. There was premature applause when that blighted beast appeared, throwing any control they had regained in the avalanche out the window.

His mind was racing but he remained objective, not satisfied with accepting defeat until those bastards had thoroughly worked for it. He was in the Chantry, the only structure in the town that might offer some safety so they could come up with some kind of plan while the world outside was violent chaos.

He rounded the corner to the main hall when the wooden doors flew open revealing Ellie. He made a sound of relief. They may be destined to die this evening, but having her in his sight made him feel more reassured somehow.

"Herald, our positioning is not good," he announced softly as he drew closer to her small frame, "That dragon stole back any time you might have earned us."

"I've seen an archdemon," Cole spoke up, "I was in the Fade, but it looked like that."

Cullen was losing patience with the soft spoken boy, "I don't care what it looks like, it's cut a path for that army. They'll kill everyone in Haven."

"The Elder One doesn't care about the village, he only wants the Herald."

Ellie didn't hesitate, "If it will save these people, he can have me." The Commander winced at her words.

Cole hung his head, "It won't. He wants to kill you. No one else matters but he'll kill them anyway. I don't like him."

Cullen made tight fists in his hands, not bothering to hide his utter frustration with Cole's childlike words, "You don't like..." He scowled and pinched the bridge of his nose, not bothering to finish his thought. Instead he turned fully towards Ellie, his eyes holding more emotion than he intended to show, "Herald, there are no tactics to make this survivable. The only thing that could slow them was the avalanche. We could turn the remaining trebuchets, cause one last slide."

She sighed, "We're overrun. To hit the enemy, we'd bury Haven."

He stepped closer to her, "We're dying. But we can decide how. Many don't get that choice."

The Commander's eyes didn't leave Ellie's, even when the Chancellor spoke up, saying that he knew of a secret passage in the Chantry that could lead them out of Haven before it was covered in thick snow. It wasn't until she broke their gaze to draw closer to Roderick that he refocused his attention to the dying man as well.

"What about it Cullen? Will it work?" The Herald turned back to him, willing this solution to be plausible.

He shrugged, not able to resist coming close to her again as she addressed him, "Possibly. If he shows us the path." He paused, "But what of your escape?"

Her body faced him but her head was cast downwards, her silence giving him his answer.

His eyebrows furrowed and his amber eyes felt as though they were filled with sadness. He didn't want to let that happen, it took every fibre in his body to stop her from going. But deep down, he knew it would be the only way to save what was left of the residents of Haven.

"Perhaps you will surprise it, find a way?" He offered hopefully.

Her gaze still cast down, he watched as she did that adorable thing where she chewed her bottom lip. Knowing that he would not see that again, not see her again hit him like he had taken a hard blow to the stomach.

Suddenly her stormy grey eyes flicked upwards to him. In a sweeping motion, she took a half step forward, closing the distance between their bodies, raising herself on her tiptoes and tilted her face up to the side of his. Her lips landed softly on his stubble covered cheek and she held them there for a few slow seconds before she removed them. He barely had time to register the heat creeping up his neck at her action before she moved her mouth by his ear.

"Goodbye Cullen, it's been an honor," she whispered to him before spinning around and making her way back out of the Chantry, not looking back.

He had to fight with himself inwardly not to run after her, to pick her up and carry her somewhere safe, somewhere he could protect her. He blinked hard, banishing the overwhelming grief of her fate as he tried to savor the lingering sensation of her warm lips on his skin. If he failed to get these people out of Haven, she would have sacrificed herself in vain and he would not have that. Not now.

_Goodbye, Ellie._

* * *

It was a miracle that they had gotten out of Haven safely before it collapsed under the avalanche. It was even more astounding that they had been able to help so many of the residents to safety as well. Not all of them made it, but it was better than nothing.

_Ellie…_

His mind constantly drifted back to her, what she gave up just so that they could have a chance. Even though they were alive, everyone at their makeshift camp was miserable. Cullen stepped away from the bickering that kept ensuing between himself, Josephine, Leliana and Cassandra. Everyone was angry, everyone had different opinions on what to do next and where to go from here. From his life spent as a soldier, he was all too aware how caustic infighting could be. If this Elder One didn't kill them first, the infighting would most certainly be their demise. Up until now, they had someone to mediate and balance the advisors out. But now, she wasn't here anymore.

Though he knew it was foolish, there was a small part of him that held out hope that she had somehow made it out, that she was still alive and making her way to them. To him. Arms crossed over his armor-clad chest, he stood at the very edge of their camp, facing the narrow pass they had come through to get to this spot. He watched as two scouts arrived back to the left side of the camp, frozen to their core by the looks of it. Both Cullen and Cassandra had insisted that they organize a search party for the Herald. They knew it was a long shot, but they had to try. They owed her that much at the very least.

His frown grew when the scouts returned empty-handed. The stress building in him, he pinched the bridge of his nose until he heard the crunching sound of someone beside him in the snow. He glanced to the source and met the deep brown eyes of the Seeker.

"I should be the one out there looking still," he muttered just loud enough for her to hear. He had already been out twice himself, but the freezing temperatures meant that no one, not even someone as determined as he, could stay out there for too long before needing to thaw out by the fire.

Cassandra nudged her head in the direction of the pass, "Let's go then."

He nodded, following her away from the camp. The two made there way in silence, both sweeping their eyes over every nook and cranny of the vast white terrain. Cullen was a few steps ahead of the Seeker as he entered the pass when he could swore he heard something. Footsteps. Footsteps that were in front of him, not behind him. Hand on the hilt of his sword he rounded the corner to see a small figure just collapse in the snow. A figure with a glowing hand.

Cullen bolted towards her, "There! It's her!"

His shout was followed by the thankful words of Cassandra who was now just behind him. He knelt down beside her and quickly glanced over her body, checking for any obvious wounds or heavy bleeding. When he found none, he gingerly took off his fur-lined pauldron, placing it over her like a blanket, and picked up her unconscious form in his arms. He leaned his cheek on her forehead. It was ice cold and he quickened his pace to get her back to camp and to a heat source as fast as he could muster in the deep snow.

Whispers and murmurs spread as the camp saw who the limp form was in the Commander's arms. Her companions stood as well and Cullen specifically asked for Solas as he ducked into an empty, fully-walled tent.

Not wanting to let her go, Cullen held her as he slid onto the only cot in there. Now that he was in a sitting position, he unhooked the arm that was under her knees and used it to arrange the wooden storage boxes behind the head of the cot, leaning back onto it so he was better able to adjust her in his lap.

Solas apparently immediately understood his purpose in the tent as soon as he entered. Right away he began spinning his magic to heal her as best as he could. Dorian also poked his head in the tent, having obviously caught wind of Ellie's survival.

"Maker, she's actually alive," he breathed in wonder. Cullen was about to ask the flirty Tevinter to leave when he had begun conjuring a small fire in the middle of the floor space in the tent. He seemed to pay special care to make sure it wasn't large enough to catch the tent on fire, but enough to warm the air and hopefully bring life back to the frozen Herald.

"Commander," the elf addressed him evenly, "If I am to properly identify or treat any visible wounds, you need to put her down."

Cullen's eyes held a fierce determination, "I am not letting go of her," he growled, his tone so sharp he wasn't questioned further, though he could tell Solas wanted to.

Solas stood straight, then finally clasped his hands behind his back, "I believe she will be fine, her pulse is growing stronger. She doesn't seem to have any lasting damage internally. And judging by what I can actually see, externally she has nothing more than some bumps and bruises." He stopped to eye the Commander, "If you notice any injuries, please let me know at once. Keep her warm, let her rest and when she awakes, give her this," he placed a vial of red liquid on the bed that Cullen recognized instantly. He simply nodded and mumbled a thanks to the elf for his help.

Cullen focused his eyes on the fair skin of the woman in his arms. He gently moved her, adjusting her so that her feet were just barely dangling off the edge of the cot, close to the fire, and she was sitting on his lap, nestled between his solid arms and chest with her head resting in the crook of his neck. He pulled the furry cloth around her tightly, ensuring she would warm up soon.

He was so wrapped up in making sure she would be comfortable, he forgot there was still another person in the room. Until heard a throat clear, that is. His eyes snapped to Dorian.

"May I offer a suggestion?" Cullen glared at the mage but made no signs of protest. "If you're planning to canoodle her all night, I would advise at least giving her some body heat." The Commander's eyes widened at the implication and Dorian sighed, "Not that kind of body heat! Your bloody armor, for Maker's sake. If you want her to thaw out, you're not going to do it with her pressed to your cold, metal chest."

Cullen's eyes lit with realization, giving Dorian his cue to leave, which he graciously did closing the tent flap shut behind him. Now that the Commander was left alone with the motionless Herald in his lap, he tried to figure out how to take off his armor without jostling her around too much. Using the hand that wasn't supporting the bulk of her weight, he fumbled to undo the clasps of his arm and shoulder armor, gently wriggling himself free. Next he worked on his chest plate, which was a little trickier as the ties were under his armpits. As he released the bindings, he kept glancing at Ellie, checking if she was still okay, that she was still breathing. Finally, he felt the final clasp unbuckle and he slowly pulled the chest piece off of his, making sure not to mage her head more than necessary.

Now that he was down to just wearing the soft leather of his jacket, he pulled off is gloves, letting them fall to the pile of his armor on the ground. He held her close to his body, arm enveloping her frame to restore her heat.

As he heard her shallow breaths, he began cursing himself for letting this happen to her in first place. He could only hope she could forgive him.

Cullen sat with her cradled in his lap for over an hour. He was steadfast, being attentive to her well-being. As Solas said, her pulse did grow stronger as time went on. He was elated with that at least. Occasionally he would rub his hands over her limbs, warming them up so her body could focus on the core of her and her vital organs.

After two hours had passed, he was starting to get worried she wouldn't recover after all. He desperately wanted to remain hopeful and his grip on her never waned because of it. Brushing a thin strand of her hair out of her face, he felt her stir as she began to regain consciousness. A grin spread on his face.

_Maker, thank you!_


	10. Chapter 10: Tongue Tied

A fog clouded Ellie's mind as she slowly began regaining consciousness. She shifted, acutely aware she was in a sitting position, but other than that she was warm. She had almost forgotten what warm was. The Herald was still exhausted and she didn't want to open her eyes yet all, enjoying the comfort of being cozy and allowed to rest. As she nestles into whatever she's sleeping in, she feels thick, soft fur tickling her neck. She moves to pull the fur up closer to her face, emitting a contented sigh as she does so.

She is settled for a but a moment when her brain actually begins to kick in.

_Where am I? _

Refusing to panic and act blindly, her eyes shot open revealing a man's leather-clad chest that she was leaning on and the one-of-a-kind pauldrons that were draped snugly across her body. Her breath caught in her throat as she hesitantly rose her face to be met with kind, golden eyes. It was then that Ellie clued into the fact that she was sitting in the Commander's lap.

_Well, shit._

He met her gaze with a gentle smile, "Welcome back, Ellie."

Her eyebrows knit together in confusion, "How did you get here? Where are we? What happened?"

The Commander chuckled lightly at the barrage of questions, "We're still in the Frostbacks, we set a makeshift camp after we got far enough away from Haven."

His eyes gazed upon hers as realization dawned on her, "You made it out…"

"We did, Chancellor Roderick proved to be useful after all. What's more miraculous is that you made it out. We thought for sure you were gone," he replied, concern evident in voice.

She offered him a small smile, "I did what you told me to, I took him by surprise. Firing the last trebuchet caught the bastard off guard and I was able to slip away. But then I fell into some kind of old passage way. I'm not sure how I survived that fall, but at least I wasn't buried alive," she paused, remembering her confrontation, "What of Corypheus? Are we safe here?"

Cullen tilted his head, "Corypheus? That's who this Elder One is?" Ellie nodded in response. "We have not run into any trouble since our escape and have seen no signs of him."

Ellie exhaled, "That dragon carried him off before the avalanche could reach him. He came for this," she brought her glowing left hand out from under her makeshift blanket, "I doubt that's the last we'll see of him."

Cullen nodded thoughtfully, "I think you're right, but what's important right now is that you're safe."

"Thank you, Cullen."

"Uh, well we're all relieved to see you alive," he deflected awkwardly.

She laughed quietly at his misunderstanding, "No, I mean, thank you for what you did back in Haven. Your bravery and ability to think and act quickly saved a lot of lives."

He frowned, "We still lost so many, if only I could have.."

"Cullen, if it weren't for you, more could have been lost. A lot more. Do not blame yourself for this."

"We still could have been more prepared, we could have fortified the buildings, found that escape route before," he lamented, unconvinced of how much worse it could have been.

She sighed softly, "There will always be things we could have done better. But Corypheus is the reason for all of this, and none of us knew that until now. There was no way we could have suspected what we were up against. We can only move forward and learn from the past."

His brown eyes were staring into the fire, "You're right. I won't let this happen again."

"Besides, if anyone should be left feeling guilty here, it's me," his eyes snapped to her as she spoke, "I'm the one he wants, after all. He tried to pull the anchor from me, this mark that he created, but he couldn't. He said he's going to find some other way to carry out his purpose. I can only hope that will buy us more time to stop him."

"Ellie," Cullen called softly, putting his hand on her cheek, "Do not feel guilty for this. With this mark, you could have easily turned your back on us, and yet you've only used it to help, to right the wrongs of this Corypheus. That is beyond admirable and we all greatly respect you for it."

It was then, with the Commander's ungloved hand on her face, that Ellie became fully aware she was still in his lap and that this was the first time she had felt his skin touch hers. Other than when she kissed his cheek in the Chantry of course, but this was different. She could feel the callouses on his palm and fingers, the warmth in his skin. They held each other's gaze steadily, and while deep in Ellie's mind she knew that sitting on the Commander was less than proper, she couldn't bring herself to move in that moment.

She studied his face as he did the same to her, taking in the shape of his eyes, the fine wrinkles that were forming next to the outside corners of them. Her eyes drifted down to his perfectly shaped nose and then to the new growth of stubble that ran across his cheeks and jaw. Then she had noticed his scar, the first time she had actually gotten a good look at it. It was old enough to be white in colour instead of a fresh pink, but the line was more jagged than she had originally observed.

Without realizing what she was doing, she reached her hand up to run her fingers along the ribbon of white. Completely lost in her curiosity, it wasn't until his hand left her cheek to pick up the one she had on his lip that her attention was snapped back to reality.

She thought for sure he would get upset with her, put her hand away from his face. But when he instead kept holding her hand to his lips and began placing feathery kisses on each of her finger tips, she was at a complete loss. Her breathing seemed to stop altogether and she felt as though she was paralyzed as she simply just watched his lips touch her skin. When all five of her fingers had been kissed, he gently closed her hand and dusted her knuckles with one last kiss, bringing his eyes back up to look at her.

Time seemed to stand still in that moment, the two holding each others eyes. The already small gap between their faces was slowly growing shorter, and even though it was against Ellie's better judgement, she felt as though she was being pulled towards the Commander and she was unwilling to stop it.

Just as their noses grazed each other, a sarcastic voice pulled them from their course, "Oh my, I do hope I'm not interrupting anything."

The Herald and Commander were snapped from their coarse, both pairs of eyes widening in horror and embarrassment as they took in the frame of an amused Tevinter mage, leaning casually against the entrance of the tent. The two simultaneously broke away from each other, Ellie scrambling off Cullen's lap only to wince as she stretched her sore, injured body. They were both blushing furiously and it only seemed to add to Dorian's entertainment.

"Please don't stop on my account, I was enjoying the show," the mage chuckled. His reply was two absolutely livid glares. "Don't get mad at me, I was merely checking up on our sleeping beauty. I heard voices in here and assumed she had come back to us."

Cullen huffed as he strapped his armor back on. Ellie handed him his pauldrons, nervously daring to look at his face that was still equally as red as hers. He didn't look back at her however, and gruffly excused himself out of the tent, saying something about how he needed to get back to work. Ellie watched him as he left, feeling that sinking sensation of disappointment hit her stomach.

When he was out of sight, she fixed her annoyed gaze on a smug Dorian. "If I were a mage, I would light you on fire right now."

He barked a laugh, "Oh come now Ellie, I came in here with the most noble of intentions. It's not my fault you were too busy making googly eyes at your beloved Commander." Ellie rolled her eyes as she sat back down on the cot, the Tevinter following suit. "In all seriousness though, I truly am pleased that you're alive and well."

"You and me both."

"He was the one who found you, you know," Dorian informed her softly, "He refused to let you go."

She sighed thoughtfully, running a hand through her hair. She didn't know what to say, what to think about the implications of what her friend was telling her. "So many people are counting on me, their lives dependant on me. I can't let myself be distracted," she steeled herself against indulging her fantasies anymore. She couldn't.

Dorian laid a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "Everyone is depending on you, yes. But amongst those, there are ones who care for you. You need to let them do that. For your own sake."

With those words Dorian rose from the cot and made to leave the tent, but stopped before he opened the flap, flashing the Herald a devious look. "Besides," he leered at her, "If you don't start tapping that, I will."

Despite herself, she let out a small laugh at the claim as Dorian left the tent.

Though, in all honesty she wasn't sure she could let the man with golden hair and kind eyes into her heart. A part of her desperately wanted to, a part of her reasoned that he wasn't like the last one, that she could trust him. But she hadn't carefully constructed her walls overnight. She wasn't about to let them be torn down overnight either.

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**I had to resist the urge to name this chapter 'Dammit, Dorian'**

**Hope you enjoyed! Any reviews and feedback on this chapter is appreciated, as always!**


	11. Chapter 11: We Are Giants

**Hi everyone! Thank you so much for reading and for all the feedback I've gotten so far. This chapter is very game-dialogue heavy. My apologies but it was a necessary evil for what lies ahead.  
**

**Onward!**

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Ellie will never forget her awe when she first looked at the massive stone fortress that would become their new home.

_Skyhold._

Even the name of it was majestic in its own right. Sitting high on a mountain that was nestled in the Frostbacks, it appeared as though it was somehow in the sky itself.

Whether it was dumb luck that Solas knew about this abandoned place or disconcertingly convenient, she wasn't sure. Either way, she was grateful. Sure the structure was a little worse for wear, but according to Solas it had lasted for ages and that said something. It had the bones to withstand Corypheus, if he chose to attack again. And this time, they would be able to see him coming. They would not be caught with unprepared again.

Ellie wandered on the ground, peering straight up around the impressive fortress, taking it all in. People were bustling all around her, busy unloading what they managed to salvage after abruptly leaving Haven. They were setting up camps, places for people to sleep and tend the injured. Morale seemed a bit higher now, luckily, and Ellie couldn't blame them. This place was a magnificent upgrade for them.

Across the courtyard, she spotted her three advisors and Cassandra huddled together in a circle discussing something. The Seeker spotted Ellie and gestured for her to join them. The blond obliged and began closing the distance between them.

She didn't dare look at Cullen. They hadn't interacted at all since Dorian interrupted them in the tent that one night. Even things related strictly to official business of the Inquisition seemed to be mediated by one of their comrades. There was no denying there was a part of her that was let down by his complete avoidance of her. But it only solidified her resolve to not let her heart get involved.

As she came into the inner circle's fold, Ellie could feel his golden eyes on her but she refused to meet or acknowledge them. She didn't mind giving him at taste of his own medicine. Then, all except Cassandra broke away, tending to their own duties.

"They arrive daily from every settlement in the region. Skyhold is becoming a pilgrimage," the Seeker informs, motioning for Ellie to follow her as she starts walking up the steps to the second level of the courtyard. "If word has reached these people, it will reached the Elder One. We have the walls and numbers to put up a fight here. But this threat is far beyond the war we anticipated. But we now know what allowed you to stand against Corypheus, what drew him to you."

Ellie cocked her head, unsure of exactly what Cassandra was getting at. She raised her glowing hand, "He came for this and now it's useless to him so he wants me dead. That's it."

Cassandra was undeterred, "The Anchor has power. But it's not while you're still standing here. Your decisions led us heal the sky, your determination brought us out of Haven, you are the creatures rival because of what you did. And we know it. All of us," They walked up the staircase that led to the main hall, stopping on the landing to see Leliana holding out a sword in both her hands, "The Inquisition requires a leader, the one who has already been leading it."

The sword was held out to Ellie and she became very aware of what was happening in that moment. They overlooked the courtyard and to her surprise she saw everyone assembled below her, the ambassador and Commander included. She was in shock, pure and utter disbelief. People had went from incriminating her for mass murder to being wanted as the leader of a movement that would affect so many lives, all in the span of a few short months.

But as she gazed into the crowd, she saw the hope in their faces. She saw loyalty, faithfulness and purpose in people who had almost lost everything just a few days ago. Ellie was moved beyond words. "It's unanimous. You all have that much confidence in me?"

"All of these people have their lives because of you. They will follow."

Ellie raised an eyebrow, "That wasn't the question."

"I will not lie. Handing this power to anyone is troubling, but I have to believe this is meant to be. There would be no Inquisition without you. How it will serve, how you will lead, that must be yours to decide."

Ellie eyed the sword that symbolized her position, unsure if she was ready for this, if she could live up to everyone's expectation of her. She was not perfect, she was no angel and she certainly didn't feel like a hero with divine backing. But if she could actually succeed in saving the world and was given the power to try, how could she in good conscience refuse?

Reaching out her right hand, she grasped the handle of the ornate sword, instantly feeling the heavier weight of it compared to her daggers, but she did not falter raising it upright.

"Corypheus will never let me live in peace, he made that clear. He intends to be a god, to rule over us all. Corypheus must be stopped," her words were firm, decisive.

Cassandra nodded back at her in agreement, pledging her loyalty to Ellie's leadership. The Seeker then turned to face the crowd below, speaking in a voice that was loud enough for all to hear, "Have the people been told?" She addressed Josephine who had a warm smile gracing her features.

"They have, and soon the world."

"Commander, will they follow?"

Cullen turned towards the people, "Inquisition, will you follow? Will you fight? Will we triumph?" Each question was followed by a wave of thunderous cries of affirmation from the crowd. Adding to the dramatics, the Commander drew his sword as he spun to face Ellie, "Your leader, your Herald, your Inquisitor!"

There was a momentary lull when Ellie wasn't sure what to do. She received a gentle nudge from Cassandra, giving the new leader her queue to mimic Cullen's actions. Without sparing another second, she raised her sword high and proud, unable to hide the satisfactory smile on her face when the crowd erupted with applause.

It was in that moment that Ellie wholeheartedly concluded that she would give her heart and soul for these people, for this movement. They would be successful. She would be successful. Corypheus would be defeated at her hands if it was the last thing she would do.

* * *

The commotion had died down enough for Ellie and her advisors to walk through the main hall together for the first time. Rubble and debris littered the floor, making it difficult to walk without having to step over something. But considering how relatively in tact the abandoned fortress was, there was no room for complaint.

Ellie was the first one to walk in. Josephine was to her right and Cullen was to her left while Leliana trailed behind. She could feel Cullen's eyes dart over to her for fleeting moments, but she wouldn't meet them, still opting for the cold shoulder treatment. The last thing in the world she needed was a man who couldn't make up his mind about how to treat her.

"So this is where it begins," sounded the only masculine voice in the room.

Leliana corrected him, "It began in the courtyard. This is where we turn that promise into action."

"But what do we do? We know nothing about this Corypheus except that he wanted your mark."

Ellie regarded her glowing hand for what felt like the millionth time. She didn't think she would ever get used to it being there. She still had to sleep with a glove on just so the constant light wouldn't bother her.

"Corypheus said he wants to restore Tevinter. I am hoping that this isn't going to be a prelude to a war with the Imperium and that he's merely chasing the glory of an empire that is not how he remembered it to be. Though I'm sure Tevinter wouldn't put up much of a fight to stop him from destroying the southern kingdoms," Ellie reasoned out loud, trying to give her inner circle as much information as she had about the darkspawn magister who was wreaking havoc on Thedas. "What worries me is that his sole purpose for creating this mark was so he could enter the Black City and become a god. Is that really possible?"

The spymaster was the one to answer her concern, "He is willing to tear this world apart to reach the next. It won't matter if he's right or wrong."

"What if he's not wrong?" Cullen asked thoughtfully, "If he finds some other way into the Fade."

"Then he gains the power he seeks, or unleashes catastrophe on us all," Leliana replied, as if it were the simplest answer in the world. Perhaps it was, but her candor did not bring comfort.

Ellie thought for a moment, biting her lip before speaking, "And if his dragon were really an archdemon, there would be more darkspawn, but so far the only one we've encountered is Corypheus himself. I doubt we're facing another Blight, or at least I hope not."

"Whatever that beast is, it's dangerous. Commanding such a creature give Corypheus an advantage we can't ignore," Ellie couldn't be in more agreement with Cullen's logic on that subject.

Ellie sighed, "Someone out there must know something more about Corypheus."

Cullen just shook his head, "Unless they saw him on the field, most will not believe he even exists."

"We do have one advantage," the red-head of the group mused, "We know what Corypheus intends to do next. In that strange future you experienced, Empress Celene had been assassinated."

Josephine revelled at the effects her death would have and how that chaos paired with Corypheus' demon enforced army could enable him to conquer the south of Thedas without reaching the Black City. While Ellie already knew what the aftermath of that looked like, the thought of it still made her shudder. They needed more information still though, they needed to know where to start.

"I know someone who can help with that," a familiar voice rang as the owner of it entered the hall, causing everyone to turn their attention to the dwarf, "Everyone acting all inspirational jogged my memory so I sent a message to an old friend. She's crossed paths with Corypheus before and may know more about what he's doing. She can help."

The offer more than piqued Ellie's interest. She was a little surprised that Varric had that kind of contact over someone like Leliana who seemed to have an endless network of associates. But she wasn't going to complain by any means, they needed all the help they could get.

"I'm always looking for new allies, introduce me."

Varric looked around almost nervously, "Parading around might cause a fuss, it's better for you to meet privately on the battlements. Trust me, it's complicated." He threw his hands up in minor irritation before taking his leave.

At that, everyone was ready to begin the work ahead, though Leliana eluded to knowing who this mystery contact of Varric's was. Ellie would get there eventually. As it stood now, there were only about a million things on her plate it felt like.

Her advisors left, Cullen just barely peering over his shoulder to give the Inquisitor one last look before disappearing out the door.

Ellie sighed, running a hand through her hair. As far as she was concerned, her next order of business was to check out her new quarters. During the whirlwind of activity prior to this point, someone had actually been appointed to get her living arrangements set up right away. While she thought that maybe the amount of priority placed on her having suitable accommodations was unnecessary, she was looking forward to sleeping on a real bed tonight as opposed to a cot in the freezing cold.

The door to her quarters was the last one on the left, right before a rather ominous looking throne sat at the end of the hall. She entered with the curiosity of an excited child as she ascended the steps to her room. Her jaw nearly dropped when she passed through the archway that led into the space. For the second time today, she was completely awestruck.

_They clearly spared no expense, _she marvelled as she noticed the fine drapery and décor that was scattered throughout the room. Ellie almost jumped for joy when she saw that she had her own mini library behind her work desk. There were three doors that led to two separate balconies, both were absolutely breathtaking. Ellie never considered herself a materialistic person, even when she still lived at home, but she couldn't deny how pleasantly surprised she was with quality of her new living environment.

She lingered on one of the balconies, the one that overlooked the garden and courtyard. Leaning her elbows on the railing, her head resting on her propped up hands, she sighed contentedly as she observed the scene below her.

People were bustling about, doing everything they could to make this place a home and a headquarters. She absentmindedly wondered where her advisors and friends would be laying their heads at night, where they would spend their time while they were here.

Her mind drifted to the Commander. She was taken aback by how he could be so compassionate and _nearly _intimate one moment and then act like he wanted nothing to do with her on anything but a professional capacity. And yet today, he's been secretly trying to catch her eyes or illicit some kind of attention from her.

_Perhaps he was too embarrassed the other night in the tent, _she reasoned, trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.

She simply shrugged the idea off. Ellie hated guesswork when it came to men. They were both adults, ones who would be working closely together. She figured it wouldn't hurt too much to try and be friendly with him, but she resolved she wouldn't allow herself to think it could be anything more than that. She was the leader of the Inquisition now and he was the head of their army. If an unlikely romance could bloom under those circumstances it was probably ill-advised, no matter what Dorian said.

_Friends, _Ellie concluded, _I can do that._


	12. Chapter 12: Headsick

**My thanks to everyone reading. This chapter is in Cullen's POV. Enjoy!**

* * *

Pain. The intense sensation seemed to be the only constant in the Commander's life now. Whether it was the emotional turmoil that surfaced in his nightmares or the throbbing ache that permeated his entire body every waking moment. He always knew the symptoms would get worse before they got better. It took everything in him to get through each day, let alone make it seem like he was the picture of health. But somehow, he always did it day in and day out. He threw himself into his work. It seemed to be the only thing that would distract his mind from the pain.

He sat at his desk in quiet, the only sounds were the occasional rustle of paper and his pen consistently scrawling report after report, signature after signature.

It seemed as though once they had arrived at Skyhold, the work load nearly doubled in terms paperwork. Cullen supposed he didn't mind too much, it kept him busy, but it was such tedious work.

The newly appointed Inquisitor had left two weeks ago for the Storm Coast to inspect a couple of new leads and then was to trek to the opposite side of Ferelden to free some captive soldiers in the Fallow Mire. Two equally wet places, one littered with giant bears and spiders while the other was plague infested and had walking corpses shambling out of the murky waters, or so he had heard. No matter how seasoned of a soldier one was, fighting undead was never a pleasant task.

He hadn't had a real, one on one conversation with Ellie since that night in the tent after he had found her in the Frostbacks. His hand stopped writing at the thought of that encounter. How close he had been to feeling her supple, pink lips on his; the same lips he had found far too tempting since he first met her.

It was a moment of weakness, one that his brain advised he shouldn't repeat. As much as he wanted her, he couldn't give into the temptation. She was the Inquisitor and he was the Commander of their army. To say that it would be inappropriate to pursue a romantic relationship, a relationship that went far beyond their titles, would be a serious understatement.

Yet he still struggled to keep away. It would seem that the more he got to know Ellie, even on a professional level, the more attracted he became to her. Sure, she was downright gorgeous. But it was her conviction, her strength, her integrity that made his draw to her grow. When they had nearly kissed, it was a wake up call for him. He needed to distance himself, give himself some space to get his head on straight and reprioritize.

But it would appear that the more he put her out of reach, the more he wanted her and he cursed himself for it. It was in the way he sometimes caught her looking at him, even when she thought he wasn't paying attention. Or how her voice would soften ever so slightly when she addressed him, even if she was just saying his title, not his name. It was proving difficult for him to want to keep away. Cullen was convinced that part of the problem was his lyrium withdrawal. It was starting to dull his senses, becoming consumed with pain and cravings.

Even if in some twisted turn of events Ellie and him could be together, he didn't deserve her. He was broken, likely beyond repair, and his fight with his addiction only added to that. Of course she had to know that Templars were subject to lyrium addiction. But if she knew about the horrors that haunted him, the blind hatred he'd had in the past and how he now endlessly toiled just to remain sane and keep his judgement in tact, she might not want him here at all.

He quirked his eyebrow up at that idea, having an epiphany of sorts. Perhaps he should tell her that he was no longer taking lyrium. It could turn her off the idea of him. He was actually somewhat surprised she didn't already know.

He had told Cassandra as soon as he had stopped, which was right when he had agreed to join the Inquisition. With her abilities as a Seeker, she would be best suited to determine his stability. Josephine and Leliana knew as well. Leliana seemed to knew everything about everyone anyways and he had made Josephine aware prior to the events at the Conclave. They were the only three he had imparted that private information to. But it was just now that Cullen had realized that it was peculiar he had never informed the Inquisitor.

Maybe it was because on some level, he wanted to impress her, to draw her to him the way he was drawn to her. But despite him wanting to push her away for her own good, she deserved to know. She technically had authority over him now, and something like this she was obligated to know about, especially if it impacted his service at all. He nodded to himself, making up his mind to tell her when she arrived back at Skyhold. It wouldn't be easy to confess that to her. He had a hard enough time simply making eye contact with her anymore. But if he had endured his life up to this point, surely he could get through having this conversation.

The Commander pushed away from his desk, the wooden chair making a scraping sound against the stone floor. It was clear to him his mind was not able to stay focused on his reports at the moment. He needed something to clear his head, to distract himself from the thought of her pretty face and the weighty matter he was going to discuss with her in hopes to drive her away.

Rolling his shoulder to relieve some of the tension that was built up from hours of being hunched over a desk, he exited his office and made his way down the steps of the battlements to the training yard. The Inquisitor had been gracious enough to not only make sure proper training grounds were established, but also gathered the resources to build a sparring ring in the courtyard. He decided some physical exertion could do him some good; he rarely got to do anything of the sort anymore as he was usually leading and training an army, not fighting as part of one. And even then, most of his time was still spent on more clerical work than physical work.

Cullen stood outside the ring, arms crossed over his chest, silently observing the two warriors under his command as they wrestled. He heard heavy footsteps behind him. The massive shadow with horns at the top was a dead giveaway.

"Taking a break, Commander?"

"You could say that. What do you say, Bull, care for a round?"

The mercenary look stupefied for a second, "You want to fight me?" He asked in disbelief.

An amused chuckle fell from Cullen, "What? Don't think I can?"

This time the laugh was from Iron Bull. "Never said that, just haven't seen you fight before. But," he paused, "Why don't we raise the stakes a little?"

Cullen looked at him, curiosity in his eyes, "What did you have in mind?"

The Qunari thought for a moment, "The loser buys a round of drinks for everyone once the boss gets back and," he waited for dramatic effect, "They have to wear a dress and dance around on the table."

The Commander was pretty sure his eyebrows disappeared into his hairline at the last part. Surely he's heard worse bets, but his soldiers would not let him live that down.

_All the more reason to win, I suppose._

"You're on, Bull." The leader of the Chargers grinned at him.

Since the two recruits who were in the ring were just finishing up, Cullen took the opportunity to shed his bulky armor, leaving himself in his simple brown breeches and his boots. He needed the ability to move freely and his current get up limited his agility considerably. Cullen was strong, he knew that. But when it came to brute force, he also knew that the Qunari had the clear advantage. He would need to be quick and accurate if he were to win.

Cullen stretched, warming up his muscles and getting them ready to be put to use. This is the kind of work he had trained most of his life for. The military strategy, the war tactics... That all came later. First and foremost he was a warrior, a soldier.

The sparring ring was now empty and the Iron Bull and the Commander stepped in.

"Sure you don't want to back out, Commander?"

Cullen simply smirked and gestured for the match to begin.

The two men faced each other near the centre of the ring, fists drawn, waiting to see who would make the first move. Bull was first, clearly starting things off easy, by swinging his right arm towards Cullen's head. It was an easily dodged blow and gave the Commander the opportunity land a sharp jab to his opponent's open ribs.

Iron Bull responded to the hit by charging, Cullen quickly ducking out of the way and spinning his body around swiftly to kick the same spot on Bull's ribs with his booted heel. The kick earned a frustrated grunt from the Qunari, but as soon as he turned around to face the Commander, the man was already running towards him. Cullen vaulted himself in the air by ricocheting his foot on the corner post and brought his elbow down, crashing it on Bull's head.

The move left Iron Bull briefly stunned and Cullen was surprised he managed to miss snagging his elbow on one of the Qunari's horns. He went to land another kick to the ribs but Iron Bull caught his ankle and before Cullen could blink, his ankle was twisted with such strength that it caused his entire body to rotate as well. He fell flat on his back with an unceremonious _thump_ and he felt his ankle released from Bull's grip.

Coughing, he opened his eyes to see where his opponent was at and upon noticing he was still relatively in the same spot, Cullen lifted the leg closest to Bull and sent it hard to the back of Iron Bull's knees. The Bull's legs collapsed on him, but he didn't entirely fall to the floor. Still, it bought the Commander enough time to get back on his feet.

Bull was quick to regain his balance and lunged for the Commander, who tried ducking the same way as he did previously, but the Ben-Hassrath had remembered that maneuver and shot his arm out to stop Cullen in tracks. The Iron Bull curled his massive arm around Cullen's next, but the Ferelden was not ready to throw in the towel just because he was put in a chokehold. He sent his elbow flying back into the Bull. Normally the move would have hit a man in his kidneys, but with Iron Bull's height it caught him in the groin, causing him to hiss in pain but not release his grasp.

Cullen was pulling every evasive move he knew to get out of this position before he passed out, but it was a feminine voice that pulled both men momentarily out of their focus.

"Well, well, Commander. And here I was beginning to think you didn't know how to spar," Ellie mocked, having pulled both Bull and Cullen's attention. Cullen was the first to use that mutual distraction to his advantage, and slipped from Iron Bull's slightly eased grip.

He darted behind the mercenary and jumped, locking both of his arms around Bull's neck this time, the rest of his body dangling. Cullen may not have had the mass that Iron Bull did, but his entire body weight was now being used to knock his giant opponent out. For once, the Commander was thankful he was the smaller one because even though Bull tried desperately to reach the man behind him, he couldn't. Iron Bull was helpless to shake the man from him and was unable to get a good enough hold on Cullen's arms to pry them from his neck.

It lasted about two minutes before Bull dropped to his knees, already having lost too much oxygen. He held his hand up, then hesitantly tapped the ground, signalling his surrender.

Immediately Cullen released him and it was then that he noticed their brawl had elicited quite a crowd and he saw a fair amount of money changing hands. But his real attention was drawn to Ellie. He didn't even know she had arrived back. But as he took in the sight of her, he felt his stomach tighten. She was beaming at him, a look in her eyes he hadn't seen directed at him before. He almost wondered if it was pride, but he was too far away from her to notice her dilated pupils darkening her eyes in a lustful haze.

He shook his thoughts from her; he couldn't allow himself to get hopeful. Instead, he offered a hand to his rival to pull him back to his feet as an automatic gesture. Iron Bull merely chuckled, knowing full well the Commander wouldn't be able to pull him up. The Qunari stood on his own, but still shook Cullen's hand as a silent sign of good sportsmanship.

"Are we going to be able to find a dress big enough for you, Bull?"

A thunderous laugh echoed through the courtyard, "I'm sure we can find something. And hey, now that the boss is back, I can honor my end of that bet tonight."

"What bet is that, exactly?" Ellie asked, stepping forward at the sound of them talking about her.

Cullen just smirked, "By the sounds of it, you'll find out tonight at the tavern."

"That's right boss, drinks and entertainment are on me tonight I guess."

Cullen observed as Ellie's eyebrow quirked up, apparently not sated with the dismissal of her question but she didn't push it further. Instead she simply nodded and promised to be there.

The crowd was dispersing but Ellie lingered for a bit longer, making casual conversation with Dorian who Cullen hadn't noticed until now. Cullen watched out of the corner of his eye as he put his regular attire back on. Ellie and Dorian seemed almost inseparable, conjuring a foreign emotion in Cullen that he didn't dare explore.

Dorian was charming and flirty, Ellie was beautiful and equally playful and cunning. He could see why they were fast friends. But to his dismay, a part of him hoped that friends was all the two were, even though he couldn't be surprised if it was more than that.

_It doesn't matter though, I can't have her, _he resolved, willing himself to banish whatever inclinations toward her he had, _She shouldn't want me anyways._

The final thought reminded Cullen of the matter he still needed to talk to her about. The confession he dreaded, but knew was necessary. With his armor back on, he made his way towards Ellie who paused her conversation with Dorian as she saw Cullen approach.

"Inquisitor, now that you're back there is something I'd like to discuss with you in private when you have a moment."

She titled her head to the side in confusion, but acquiesced, "I suppose I can talk now."

Cullen wasn't entirely expecting her to be ready to talk right away, but he figured the sooner he got this over with, the better. She followed him up the steps past the tavern door to his office.

While the sparring match did wonders for helping him feel better in the moment, he already felt the agony seep back into his muscles and bones. Perhaps part of it had to do with nerves, but regardless his body was aching.

They arrived at his office, not speaking a word on the way there. Cullen opened the door and gestured for Ellie to go in first, which she did, while he followed and shut the door behind him. He positioned himself behind his desk which was something of a security blanket for him. Having an object between them did a lot to calm his mind, but his anxiety levels were still through the roof. He leaned on the sturdy piece of furniture, bracing himself with his arms for extra support for his pained body.

He stole a glance at the woman standing in front of him. She was looking back at him expectantly. Not with impatience, but with something else that almost looked like concern.

_Maker's breath, do I seem like I'm in that rough of shape? _he sighed. It was now or never.

"As leader of the Inquisition, you…. Ugh, there's something I must tell you."

She took a cautious step towards him, "Whatever it is, I'm willing to listen."

"Right. Thank you. Lyrium grants Templars our abilities but it controls us as well. Those cut off suffer; some go mad, others die." He paused, not wanting to look at Ellie he gazed down at his lyrium kit, the one he's had since he first joined the Order. Even now he kept it close to him, though he had thus far successfully refrained from using it. "We have secured a reliable source of lyrium for the Templars here. But I no longer take it."

"You stopped?" She asked, a mix of worry and disbelief in her voice.

"When I joined the Inquisition, it's been months now."

She took another step forward, "Cullen, if this can kill you…"

"It hasn't yet. After what happened in Kirkwall, I couldn't…" His eyes met hers, his tone more convinced, "I will not be bound to the Order or that life any longer. Whatever the suffering, I accept it. But I would not put the Inquisition at risk. I've asked Cassandra to… Watch me. If my ability to lead is compromised, I will be relieved from duty."

Ellie softly walked around his desk to stand next to him. Hesitantly, she reached out her hand to place on his shoulder. He was not expecting empathy so the gesture was unexpected to say the least and he regrettably flinched at her touch. She drew her hand back, "Are you in pain?"

"I can endure it."

The expression on her face when he spoke was unreadable, but her eyes held a flicker of sadness. "Thank you for telling me. I respect what you're doing."

The caring tone in her words softened him. He was expecting her to be angry that she didn't know sooner or disgusted that his morals could jeopardize his role. But he was wrong. All he was met with was kindness, no harsh judgements or criticism.

"Thank you. The Inquisition's army must always take priority. Should anything happen, I will defer to Cassandra's judgement."

"I understand Cassandra would probably best be suited to assist you since she was a Seeker. But Cullen, please know if you need anything at all, just say the word," she held his eyes with tenderness, "You don't have to carry this burden alone."

He offered a warm smile, "I appreciate that, Ellie. Thank you."

He felt his heart flutter at her display of compassion as she smiled back at him. He originally didn't want their conversation to have this outcome. He wanted to use this as way to distance himself from his feelings for her. Instead, he felt as though his admiration for her only grew.

_But, _he wondered, _maybe that won't be so bad after all. _


	13. Chapter 13: Little Games

**I couldn't wait to get this chapter out :D I hope everyone enjoys it as much as I do. Thanks again to everyone who has read/followed/favorited/reviewed. It makes me stupid amounts of happy. Special thanks to Gidgeygirl. Your reviews always make me smile!**

**Onward!**

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Ellie had left Cullen's office stunned. His confession was not what she was expecting when he said he needed to talk. She thought for sure it would be Inquisition related. Or worse. That he would finally confront her about their near-kiss.

But to know he's been struggling every day since she's met him, it made her heart ache for him. Ellie had never been an addict to anything, but she was very aware about the Templars dependence on lyrium. She had heard stories of ones who had try to quit, they became so insane they took their own life or they let their withdrawal consume him. She refused to let that happen to Cullen.

While she had no idea about his decision the more she reflected back, the more she remembered little signs that pointed to his fight. The way he would often wince anytime light would shine directly in his eyes, how she would sometimes catch him frowning as he rubbed his temples. Even in War Council meetings he would sometimes visibly be in discomfort. He always shrugged it off as just a headache, but now Ellie knew better.

She had to admit the realization of what he had to have been going through was profound. The more she dwelled on it, the more her respect for him deepened. It was a burden he suffered willingly to be a better person and to stand up for what he knew was right, what he believed in.

Since their encounter in tent in Frostbacks, they had barely spoken and it was obvious he was avoiding having anything other than professional contact with her. There was a part of her that was angry because of that, but she had also counted it as a blessing in disguise, something she could use to dampen her feelings towards him. If she were honest with herself, the distance almost made her feelings gravitate towards him more. She had been determined not to give into that though.

But now her inclination to him seemed to rise to a different level, despite her not wanting that to happen. Seeing him with a weakness opened Ellie's eyes past his attractive appearance and powerful, controlled disposition. It was by no means love. But it drove her past the state of a girlish crush.

Not to mention seeing him, not only fight against someone who dwarfed him, but to see him actually come out triumphant. Anyone who appreciated men would have a hard time keeping their hormones at bay with that display.

_And his body, _Ellie reminisced, biting her lip at the memory.

When she had entered the courtyard earlier that day after having arrived back at Skyhold, she could not stop herself from gawking at the handsome half-naked man. Dorian nearly had to actually pick up her dropped jaw. That was, of course, until the mage also caught sight of the two sweaty, shirtless men grappling each other. After that, they both were openly flustered.

Ellie didn't fight the smile that spread across her face as she got herself ready for the evening. Normally she wouldn't bother this much with her appearance but being given the notion that the good Commander would actually be joining them for drinks for once, she decided that was enough incentive to doll herself up a little.

After coming back from her travels, she already was in dire need for a proper bath. The hot water had soothed her, brought life back to her bones after being subject to cold, damp air for the last two weeks. She took her time in the bath, making sure she was thoroughly clean and even used the rare, expensive soap which smelled like sweet peas that was generously given to her by Dorian. He claimed it was too feminine for him and Ellie was all to happy to take it off his hands, but in reality she knew it was something of a gift to her for helping him sort out some drama between Dorian and his father.

When she was finished with her bath, she dried her long hair to the best of her abilities and then ran her comb through it countless times until it was tangle free. She knew that in no more than half an hour her locks would be next to dry, falling around her waist in soft waves. Ellie had only cut her hair once in her life, and that was only because when she was nine her brother got honey stuck in it and it wouldn't wash out. She wasn't sure who was more furious with Cain after that, Ellie or her mother.

The Inquisitor applied her cosmetics in her usual fashion, taking a little extra care to make sure it was perfect. She slid on her newly acquired black leather pants, the ones she now typically wore when she was meandering around Skyhold accompanied by a simple, fitted shirt made from Royale Sea Silk that laced up near the neckline. Satisfied with her appearance, she slipped on her boots that blended in with her pants and headed towards the tavern.

As she stepped out of the main hall, she could already hear a ruckus coming from the direction of the tavern. Ellie couldn't help but smile to herself at the thought. She was happy that even though they had the fate of the world resting on their shoulders, her comrades found ways to liven the mood and keep their spirits up. She opened the door to where she knew her rowdy friends would be and scanned the room. When she didn't spot the curly blonde hair she was looking for, Ellie felt her heart sink a little.

Apparently her moment of minor disappointment didn't go unnoticed as she felt a familiar arm sling itself across her shoulders.

"Don't worry, my dear, he'll be here soon enough," Dorian whispered to her. The Tevinter had quite easily picked up on Ellie's infatuation with the good Commander, though his interrupting them in the tent that one night was the first time he let on he had any suspicions. Since then, however, Dorian had teased her relentlessly about the subject. Ellie refused to admit anything, but she didn't deny anything either. She was just thankful he had the sense to goad her when no one else was in ear shot.

Ellie shrugged off the absence of Cullen and quickly settled into the jovial atmosphere. Her friends were seated near a long table close to the bar, the booze and laughs already flowing freely. As soon as her crew caught sight of her, a rather large stein full of strong smelling liquid was placed in her hand.

"Bout time you showed up!" Varric greeted her, "We were beginning to think you were ditching us."

Ellie chuckled, "I would never! I just like being fashionably late. It makes for a better entrance." She took a sip of whatever drink was handed to her, wincing a little bit at the burning potency of it. "What in the Maker's name is this?"

A thunderous laugh rolled from Iron Bull, "Don't worry, boss, it goes down easier after the first drink."

Ellie eyed the alcohol cautiously, "Well, here goes nothing I suppose." She lifted the glass to her lips and chugged. Not quite the entire contents, mind you but she got a few good gulps in before she couldn't take anymore. She swallowed, coughing and wheezing a little as the vile liquor scorched her throat. Ellie prided herself on being able to handle her alcohol, but whatever this was, she was already beginning to feel a little tipsy.

There was applause from the table, "Atta girl, boss!"

She finished the glass and as soon as it hit the table, it was replaced with a full one. Her friends, Bull and Varric especially, were still cheering her on, impressed she was able to down the entire mug as quickly as she did for her first time. In a gratuitously smug display, she went to stand up and take a bow. Ellie bent her body at the waist for the gesture, but as she rose her lightheadedness got the better of her and she lost her balance a little, wobbling off to the side.

Before she could fall flat on the floor, an arm caught her torso and steadied her so she could regain her footing. When she looked to see who had saved her from face planting, Ellie felt as though she was going to vomit, peering up to amused amber eyes.

"Oh… Hi," she managed to squeak out as the table erupted with laughter again at the scene unfolding.

A smirk grew on Cullen's face as he met the eyes of a flustered Ellie, "Well hello to you too."

An inevitable blush crept up the woman's face as she gently pulled away from Cullen's grip and sat back down at the table. He softly chuckled and took a seat beside her, which only added to the knots in Ellie's stomach.

The Commander received a drink as well and Ellie was surprised at how easily he transitioned from being the composed military leader she was used to, to being cheerful and lively. He was by no means boisterous or the centre of attention, but he seemed at ease in the environment. He even left his armor off tonight, simply wearing his brown breeches and a cotton shirt. It put a small smile on Ellie's face. Not only did he actually join them after all, but he appeared relaxed and comfortable. It was a welcome change.

_And he's chosen to sit right next to me, _Ellie mused, only adding more colour to her rosy cheeks.

"It seems to me, Bull, that you lost a bet earlier. I think it's time to pay up," the blonde man taunted, earning a look from the Qunari. It also piqued the interest of Varric, apparently.

"Oh? What bet was this, Curly?"

Cullen let out a hearty laugh, "Why don't you show us, Bull?"

With a huff Iron Bull stood, holding up his hands in surrender. "Fine, fine. I'll be right back. In the meantime, drinks are on me tonight! Hopefully you'll have enough so you won't remember the rest of tonight."

He left in the direction of his room, and Ellie cocked her eyebrow, "Is that why he's making us drink whatever this is? So we'll forget whatever awful thing you're making him do?"

"If he's lucky, he won't remember either," Cullen added in a smug tone, taking a drink, "And I didn't make him do anything, he's the one who suggested the wager. I simply won the bet."

Ellie grinned at the memory, "Yes you did, Commander. Quite impressive, if I do say so myself."

He turned his head to face her causing his arm to brush up against hers, his trademark smirk playing upon his lips. "You think so?"

Ellie refused to wilt anymore under his touch and met his playful countenance, "Perhaps. But now that I know you aren't afraid of the sparring ring, I believe you still owe me a match."

"Are you sure you're up to the challenge? You're considerably smaller than your Qunari companion," he countered, his mischievous tone not faltering.

Ellie kept her eyes locked on his. Their flirtatious banter was only elevating her attraction to him and the abundance of alcohol was making her bold. She bit her lip as she crossed her legs in a way that cause her calf to rest against his leg, never breaking their eye contact. Ellie watched as his gaze darted quickly to her lips and then back to her eyes, the movement creating waves of fluttering excitement to pool in her stomach and as far as she was concerned, in that moment, it was only the two of them in the room.

As soon as it started, Cullen's attention was ripped towards the towering figure that entered the room. "Maker's breath," he exclaimed before hearty laughter fell from his mouth.

Ellie furrowed her brows at the interruption and turned to see what was the cause. The sight made her eyes grow wide and her mouth gape open. To her utter shock and amusement, Iron Bull was standing in front of the table wearing only a bright pink dress. It was ill-fitted to say the least, the thin straps barely made it around his broad shoulders and the hem hit his upper thigh, where normally it would have fell past a woman's knees.

"Happy now, Commander?"

"If I'm not mistaken I believe there is some dancing in order as well," he managed to choke out between laughs.

Bull sighed, but carried out the bet by hoisting himself up on the table and dancing around the way a little girl might. The wooden table groaned in protest under his weight, but didn't break. Everyone was dying of laughter, but Ellie made a point of not looking too far up, seeing as she didn't need to know what was or wasn't underneath Bull's dress.

Instead she turned back to Cullen who was shielding his eyes from the overhead view as well, "So if you had lost, you would've had to do this?"

He grinned back at her, "Good thing I didn't lose."

Ellie giggle back at him. "I don't know, I think I would've preferred to see up your dress," she blurted without thinking, instantly turning red as soon as the words fell from her lips.

Cullen looked at her with visible disbelief, but then his features switched to something more coy. "Perhaps that can be arranged," he replied, his voice barely over a whisper.

Before Ellie could even begin to fully comprehend what he just said, she felt herself being lifted up from her chair. She jerked her head to see Dorian giving her an all-knowing smile.

"Pardon my interruption Commander, but our lovely Inquisitor here needs to get her rest," he announced, tugging a tipsy Ellie along with him before she had a chance to say a proper goodbye to Cullen. Just before they left the tavern, she glanced over her shoulder to see Cullen's golden eyes following her. She offered him an apologetic smile and then disappeared outside with Dorian leading her.

"You're an ass, you know that?" She growled at him as he helped her up the stairs towards her quarters since her legs had apparently stopped functioning correctly.

"My dear, I'm doing you a favor," he responded, "I saw you two undressing each other with your eyes and flirting shamelessly all night. Take some advice from your charming and brilliant friend, Dorian, and make him chase you a little. It'll make everything that much better when he does pounce on you," he added a little wink to punctuate his last sentence.

Ellie sighed in annoyance but was too dulled by alcohol to form any kind of rebuttal. She merely let him lead her back to her room in silence, and when they arrived she crawled into her bed hazily wondering what it would've been like if Cullen had brought her back to her room instead.


	14. Chapter 14: Romantic Rights

Blinding bright light flooding into her room was what caused Ellie to wake the next morning. It wasn't the gradual sunrise that normally woke up the Inquisitor since she usually rose at dawn. No, by the time Ellie had drifted out of her heavy slumber, the sun was already high in the sky and illuminating her entire room. She winced as her eyes fluttered open, adjusting to the amount of sunlight. A muffled curse fell from her when she realized how late it must've been.

She sat up in her bed expecting her head to start throbbing once she was no longer lying down. To her surprise, Ellie felt fine. She was pretty good at keeping hangovers at bay, but whatever she was given to drink last night was more potent than anything she was used to drinking. Stretching her body, she got up still mad at herself for sleeping in.

_I suppose someone would've woken me if anything urgent needed my attention._

She still didn't want to get used to that attitude though. The only reason she had made it on her own for as long as she had was because she was disciplined. She sighed, sauntering over to her back balcony to see roughly just what time it was. The sun was not at its highest point in the sky and Ellie was thankful that meant it was still morning at least.

Not holding back a yawn she walked to her desk to address some letters she didn't have the chance to open yesterday when they were delivered to her. She flicked through the envelopes when one in particular caught her eye. She practically snarled when she recognized the cursive on the front of the envelope and wasted no time ripping it open.

_To my dearest Elizabeth,_

_We were so surprised to hear your name whispered as being the leader of this so-called Inquisition. Surely, people must be mistaken in saying you're the Herald of Andraste, but we're so very relieved that you seem to be making a positive reputation for yourself at last. You know how much the Trevelyan name means to your father and I, and we're pleased you have seemingly begun to take your title seriously. _

_It has been many years since we've seen you, but we will do what we must to make sure you're looked after. Your father has some new connections in Starkhaven and is fairly confident he would be able to get you a meeting with Prince Vael, who has finally returned to take his place on the throne. He would be the perfect match for you, Elizabeth. A man of his status would be just what you need to guide you through your little antics and hopefully quell your constant search for adventure and rebellion. _

_Write us back soon, dear. We eagerly await you return so we can set you back on the right course._

_Sincerely, your mother,_

_Nadine Trevelyan _

Ellie fought hard not to scream in pure, unadulterated rage. She crushed the piece of paper in her hand and pinched the bridge of her nose with the other, willing herself to take deep breaths in an attempt to calm down.

When that didn't work, she knew she had to distract herself somehow. She quickly got dressed and left her chambers. Instead of taking the main hall out of the building, she took a different staircase down that would lead her straight to the gardens. Even if people were in there frequently, it was one of the few places that made her feel truly at ease in the fortress.

Before exiting outside, she slowly opened the wooden door and hesitantly peeked out. She wasn't in the mood to run into just anyone at the moment so she was taking precautions. To her relief she spotted her dear Tevinter friend across the stretch of green, sitting casually on a chair that was on the other side of the otherwise quiet garden. She made her way over to him, hoping his witty banter would pull her out of her murderous state of mind.

As she got close, however, she realized he wasn't alone. Sitting across from Dorian was a smirking Cullen with a chess board placed between them. Ellie didn't get too close before the blond man realized she was approaching.

"Inquisitor," he exclaimed, clearly startled at her sudden presence as he knocked over a couple of the game pieces. The sight of him getting flustered was almost enough to make her smile.

"Leaving are you? Does this mean I win?" Dorian taunted, his gaze not leaving his opponent as he relaxed a bit in his chair.

Ellie stood near the table, curiosity consuming her as she observed the two. It was obvious to her that Cullen didn't seem to care much for Dorian, though she was stumped as to why that was. The Tevinter never appeared to pay too much mind to the Commander's distaste, however. She was delightfully intrigued when she saw the pair playing chess together, shocked they had managed to find common ground. "Are you two playing nice?"

"I'm always nice," Dorian flashed her a smug grin then turned his attention back to Cullen, "You need to come to terms with my inevitable victory. You'll feel much better."

A mischievous expression graced the Commander's as he carefully watched Dorian's move, countering it with his own strategic maneuver, "Really? Because I just won. And I feel fine."

Ellie couldn't help but feel partially aroused at as she observed Cullen moving his piece so that Dorian's king was trapped. Not only did he triumph in a physical fight against someone nearly twice his size in front of her, but now he won a game of the mind with one of the most clever people in her party. He was proving to be quite irresistible, though that epiphany didn't make her any less confused about her feelings towards him.

Recognizing his defeat, Dorian left and she heard a sigh escape from Cullen, "I should get back to my duties as well, unless you would care for a game?"

She was a little surprised by the offer. There was a part in her that expected him to shy away from her still, even after their flirting the previous night. She thought that now that there was no alcohol in either of their systems that he would frown upon her forward behaviour in the tavern. But when she met his eyes, Ellie saw a warm sincerity in them.

A shy smile spread across the woman's face as she stepped towards the chair opposite him, "I suppose I could use the distraction."

He began preparing the board but she couldn't help but notice him eyeing her analytically. "Are you alright?" He asked slowly.

The question, though she knew it was out of genuine interest, brought back the frustration that caused her to come out here to begin with. She hung her head and ran her fingers across her scalp and through her hair. Ellie wasn't entirely sure she wanted to tell him about her dysfunctional family. But her eyes flicked back up to his and the concern was evident on his face. She remembered how she had taken a chance and opened up to him about her brother, and he did not disappoint or in any way make her regret that decision. In fact, he did the opposite. Not to mention, just yesterday he confided his struggle with his addiction to her.

_He deserves my trust, I think, _she concluded as she inhaled, bracing herself.

"I received a letter from my parents," she uttered quietly.

Cullen tilted his head to the side, clearly unsure why that upset her but the compassion didn't leave his features. "I take it you're not on good terms?"

"Hardly," she scoffed, "I haven't seen or heard from them in over a decade and now that I have a fancy title they decided to track me down."

The Commander nodded in mild understanding, "Were you ever very close with them?"

Ellie shook her head. "The only thing that was ever really important to them was their status and making sure me and my brother lived up to that. Cain was the oldest, so being the heir he naturally was groomed to be just that, the next Bann Trevelyan." She paused as she reflected on her childhood, "I guess I can't really blame him for leaving, as much as I wanted to at the time. When he joined the Order, my parents threw all of their ridiculously unrealistic expectations on me. I was only fifteen when they showed me the list of potential suitors they planned to start reaching out to. That was my breaking point. I had never liked anything nobility had to offer but I was not about to be wed to some pompous idiot I'd never met. I ran away from home that night and have never looked back."

She took a shaky breath, not entirely sure how she was able to so easily admit that. She had never told anyone that before. Ellie was too nervous to look at Cullen, afraid of what he might think of her vulnerable state.

It was a warm gloved hand covering hers that snapped her out of her thoughts. Hesitantly, Ellie gazed up at the soft brown eyes that were looking intently back at her.

"Was this the first time they've contacted you since then?" He questioned gently, his hand not leaving hers. She merely nodded in reply. "Do you mind if I ask what they wanted after all this time?"

Ellie bit her lip casting her eyes down, only now truly feeling the hurt of her parents obvious unloving intentions, "What they've always wanted. To make sure the family name isn't tarnished and to see me marry someone with a noble title and plenty of coin to heighten their own status. They've never seen me as a daughter. Just a dowry. At least they had the decency to suggest a Prince this time."

She let out a sharp, humorless laugh at her last sentence and rolled her eyes. Upon doing so she caught a glimpse of Cullen's face, then fixed her attention on it. His expression was filled with what looked like a mix of anger and disgust. Ellie worried for a moment if the look was directed at her.

He shook his head and his entire countenance changed, a more delicate one replacing it. He clasped his other hand on top of her hand he was already holding, looking her firmly in the eye.

"You deserve to be loved, Ellie, not to just be someone's trophy."

The earnest in his voice, though it was scarcely above a whisper, gave Ellie goosebumps and sent her head spinning. His words stirred a dizzying amount of emotions within her and it took everything in her to not close the distance between them and confess what she had been reluctant to admit with just how she felt about him. Reluctant until now.

But before she had the chance to come up with an coherent reply, he released her hand from his grip, cleared his throat and straightened his posture, "Shall we start our game?"

Ellie couldn't help but feel her heart sink to the floor at the subject change but did nothing to object, trying to convince herself that she had read too much into his statement. She simply nodded in agreement and began the game in a confused silence.

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**Author's note at the end this time! Thanks to everyone who seemed to enjoy the last chapter, hopefully this one satisfied as well. Not quite as flirty but there were some feels! Anyways, thank you for reading! Feedback is always appreciated. :D  
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	15. Chapter 15: Shatter Me

**Hi everyone! Thanks for reading! **

**A quick note: This chapter starts in Cullen's POV but switches to Ellie after the line break.**

**A not as quick but more important note: This chapter marks the end of me using the in-game canon between the Inquisitor and Cullen. While the actual main plot of the story will stay the same, the romantic sub-plot between the two will be changed from here on out. Hopefully that doesn't deter anyone, but as far as I'm concerned, if you wanted a direct relay of the game content, you might as well just play the game instead. As much as we all love their little rendezvous on the battlements, I feel there is so many more options to be had. We've all played the game and we know how things progress between Cullen and the Inquisitor and while I enjoy it as much as the next person... Change can be fun. I also am changing the back-story for the Inquisitor quite significantly. I know what the game wants us to think about Trevelyan's past but I couldn't help but think that their version was rather... Boring. So I decided to take some liberties.**

**Any feedback on my take of a more interesting Inquisitor and Quizzie/Cullen romance would be greatly appreciated!**

**Enjoy!**

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Cullen was shocked at his own words. He knew they were true, Ellie deserved so much more than to be paraded around as some man's prize. She was wise, caring, courageous and independent, not to mention intoxicatingly beautiful. She deserved someone who truly valued who she was, not what her title meant. The thought that her parents only saw her as a pawn they could use to better their interests, making her suffer the fate of being in a loveless marriage to some noble idiot that wouldn't appreciate her for all that she is, made his blood boil.

What Cullen couldn't believe was that he actually verbalized how he felt about the matter to her. It may have only been a simple sentence, but when he spoke those words he was horrified by his candor. The fact that her expression was unreadable only panicked him further. He watched as her eyebrows knit tightly together, her eyes filled with thoughts and emotions he couldn't place. He cursed himself over and over again in his mind.

He had to do something, he had to change the subject in order to distract her from his mistake. When Cullen offered that they should begin their game, he noticed it shook her from whatever her train of thought was. She mutely nodded to him and he moved one of his pawns on the board.

They played in quiet for a few minutes. The Commander tried desperately to focus on the game, to come up with a strategy but his mind constantly drifted back to the woman sitting in front of him and what she must think of him now.

Granted, the night before she let something slip that was far more forward and suggestive than anything that had transpired between them before. He remembered her words clearly as well as the distinctly heated glances and subtle touches they had shared that night. Cullen had convinced himself that it was the alcohol, that deep down she didn't really want someone as damaged as him. He was beyond thankful she opened up to him now, but her reaction only confirmed Cullen's fear.

It was her soft spoken voice that pulled him out of his self-loathing thoughts. "What of your family? You said you left them when you were thirteen?"

A slight smile appeared on his face at her interest in him and at the fact that their entire game wouldn't be in silence. "That's right. Between serving as a Templar and joining the Inquisition, I haven't seen them in years. I do not write them as often as I should, but I miss them."

She nodded in understanding, stealing a glance up at him for the first time since they began playing. "Are they in Ferelden still?"

"They moved to South Reach after the Blight. Last I heard they were all still doing well there. It was actually my sister who taught me to play chess," he smirked at the memory, "She would get this stuck up grin on her face whenever she won, which was all the time. My brother and I practiced together for weeks. The look on her face the day I finally won… I wonder if she still plays."

His mind drifted to his family. It was true he hadn't seen them since he left to join the Order. He hadn't even written them since he was serving in the Circle Tower. He still received letters from his sister Mia, scolding him for not keeping them updated with his well-being. He was suddenly pained with guilt at the thought. Here he had a family who actually cared about him and he couldn't be bothered to do so much as write them and let them know where he was and that he was okay. Ellie's confession of how her parents viewed her made Cullen realize he took his family for granted. He resolved to respond to his sister's letters later that day.

"You have siblings?" The question made Cullen's attention snap back to the present. He couldn't help but notice that Ellie's tone was gradually getting less reserved.

"Two sisters and a brother."

"You were close with them during your childhood I gather?"

He nodded slowly as he finished his turn, the conversation making him more attuned to cunning of the game. "We were. My sisters would try and gang up on me and my brother. Him and I would taunt them relentlessly, as young boys do I suppose. They always found a way to get us back though."

A gentle chuckle fell from Ellie's lips and Cullen was happy he was able to make that happen after their awkwardness a few moments ago. "I would love to meet them one day, I can only imagine the stories they'd be able to tell me about my Commander."

His stomach tightened significantly when she had specified that he was _her _Commander. But he tried to pay the sensation no mind. "I'm sure they would be more than happy to tell you all sorts of things," he replied dryly, "They're all lies though, I was an angel."

She laughed openly this time, "Whatever you say, Cullen."

Cullen couldn't help but smile as he looked at her. She appeared comfortable again, meeting his eyes and matching his facial expression. It made his breathing hitch momentarily but he was quick to recover.

"You know, I think this is the longest we've gone without talking about the Inquisition or related matters," he pondered aloud.

She nodded in agreement, "I think you're right. I appreciate the distraction honestly. And thank you for listening to me vent earlier, I'm not used to opening up to someone when I'm upset but talking to you helped. I…" She paused, biting her lip nervously, "I think we should this more often, I'd like to spend more time with you and get to know you better."

It took everything in him to keep his jaw from dropping at her words. Instead he blinked rapidly, not entirely sure he could respond intelligently, "I, uh, I would like that, Ellie. Very much."

She beamed at him, her eyes dazzling. She was stunning when she did that.

_Sweet Maker, she's going to be the death of me._

"Me too," her admittance was quiet and he almost thought her cheeks looked a little more pink than normal.

He couldn't even imagine how red he must be in that moment, hearing her willingly say as she was completely sober that she wanted to spend time with him, to know him.

"You said that," he breathed, still in disbelief. Then he shook his head and cleared his throat. He couldn't let his feelings consume him now and turn him into anymore of a blubbering fool. "We should finish our game. My turn, right?"

* * *

For the first time that day, Ellie was content. Her mind was cleared from her audacious parents and she was thoroughly enjoying the light conversation between her and Cullen. While she had admitted to herself she had always rather liked being around him, she had never fully gotten a chance to truly enjoy his company until now. They felt like friends, not just colleagues and for that Ellie was infinitely grateful.

"You know," the Commander started, "I hate to admit it but I think you might be winning."

Ellie chuckled. "I think you underestimated me, Cullen," she replied as she lined up her knight to take out his queen.

"Where did you learn to play so well?"

The question tugged on a memory that hadn't surfaced in ages. But she figured if she had told him briefly about her childhood already today, divulging a bit about the years after wouldn't be the worst idea. It actually made her realize she hadn't told anyone here how she went from being a little girl of nobility to a trained assassin.

"After I ran away from home, I went to Ferelden actually. It was only a couple months after the Blight had ended and I was hoping that in the turmoil I could be mistaken for a refugee and get along that way. I managed to survive a little while on my own but eventually I gained something of a mentor, I suppose. He took me in and taught me everything I know, gave me the discipline and skills to be what I am. He made me play chess for hours on end every week, saying that the best way to outsmart any opponent was to always be three steps ahead."

Cullen gave a look of approval, "Wise advice. Where is your mentor now?"

Ellie tilted her head to the side, "I don't know, actually. We parted ways a couple years ago. Haven't seen a trace of him since." It was true, she didn't know where the man had vanished after they decided to split up. Part of her felt guilty for that. She owed him so much. "Maybe once this is all over I'll try to find him. I never really got to thank him for everything he did for me. I doubt I'd still be alive if it weren't for him taking me under his wing, even when he wasn't supposed to and it was at great risk to him."

"Wasn't supposed to?"

His inquiry made Ellie realize she had been thinking out loud. She wasn't entirely sure how to explain her next words without earning some distrust from her advisor. She didn't want to lose his respect now, but figured he might deserve the truth.

"He was... Is an Antivan Crow," she said slowly, glancing up to gauge Cullen's reaction. His eyebrow quirked up but other than that, he face remained stoic. "If I was going to learn their trade secrets and skills, he should have forced me to join their guild but he didn't. He trained me in secret and anytime in our travels he ran into other Crows, he simply said he'd hired me as something of a servant girl. By the time that happened, he'd already taught me how to act and lie pretty well so they never questioned it."

Cullen slowly nodded, taking in the information that she had provided him, "That must've been a…. Colourful life."

Ellie winced at his seemingly disapproving tone, "You don't think less of me do you?"

Cullen looked taken aback, "No! No, not at all. I wasn't expecting that, but I have to say that's a bit more interesting than you starting out as a bard to gain your skills, like Leliana and Josephine did."

Ellie exhaled in relief, then smiled, "That's my specialty, keeping things interesting."

Cullen grinned at her playfully, "I'll say."

Before she could retort with something equally coy, a messenger approached them hastily. "Inquisitor, I'm hear to inform you that Varric's friends have arrived and are waiting for you on the rooftop. Varric asked that you come right away."

_Friends? Plural? I thought he only sent for one of them, _Ellie thought, puzzled.

"I think it's safe to say you have won this game anyways, Ellie. Best not keep the dwarf waiting," Cullen jilted her from her thoughts, encouraging her to tend to her duties, but his voice sounded like it held something close to disappointment. Ellie couldn't help but feel that way as well, not wanting to leave his company. But she knew this shouldn't wait.

"Let's play again soon, yeah?" She offered, her words being met with the broad smile of the Commander.

"Of course." The anticipation in his eyes made Ellie's stomach flutter, giving her hope that he was enjoying being around her and much as she like being around him.

They both stood to leave and Ellie made her way up to the battlements and towards the rooftop. Her head was in the clouds, mind constantly skipping back to the curly-haired man she had just left. She wasn't even really paying attention to what was in front of her, her brain on autopilot. She all but skipped down to where she saw Varric, a silly smile slapped across her face.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw another figure next to Varric. A male she had never met with deep brown, almost black hair that was pushed out of his face. He appeared to be only a couple years older than Ellie, but his ice blue eyes were haunted, clearly having witnessed more in their time than they should have.

"Ellie, this is Garrett Hawke," he introduced.

Ellie's mouth fell open, "As in the Champion of Kirkwall, Garrett Hawke?"

He simply nodded in response, showing no self-inflicted glory from his famous title, "Varric told me this threat we're facing is someone I was responsible for killing a long time ago. I knew that if Corypheus was still alive, I needed to help."

Ellie blinked, "You've fought Corypheus before? If you have any information or suggestions, I'd gladly hear them. I'll take what help I can get."

For once, the Champion offered a semblance of a smile, though it was very faint, "I'll do what I can. I hope you don't mind, but I brought a friend along with me, one who is very determined to put an end to Corypheus as well."

As Hawke mentioned his friend, Ellie noticed his blue eyes look past her. At the same time she heard footsteps behind her. Curious, she turned her head and once she did she felt like she was about to drop dead.

A face that was all too familiar stepped out of the shadows and Ellie could feel a violent flood of anger and hatred ignite her veins.

_Not him, anyone but him, _she practically begged her eyes to be deceiving her, that she was hallucinating the man who was now standing in front of her.

It was his voice, clear and real as ever that made her realize that she was not having a nightmare, "Hello, Ellie. It's good to see you again."

* * *

***In Sandal's voice*: Cliffhanger? Cliffhanger! **


	16. Chapter 16: Full Circle

**I couldn't leave you guys hanging that long, so I decided to update a little earlier. Some of you may have picked up on a few of the little clues I used throughout the story as to who this mystery man might be. Hopefully it doesn't disappoint!**

**A big thanks to all of the excellent feedback I got on the last chapter. Honestly every single review makes me smile like there's no tomorrow.**

**Let me know what you think and enjoy!**

* * *

There was no word that could properly describe the intensity of the seething anger Ellie had coursing through her system at that very moment. Her fists were clenched so tightly her knuckles were white and her nails were cutting into the palms of her hands. She felt as though she was physically shaking with rage as it took everything in her not to hurl the man in front of her off the balcony.

"Leave. Right. Now," she hissed violently through clenched teeth. He didn't heed her words, however, and took another step towards her.

He looked almost exactly the same as the last time she saw him, though his equipment was a little more updated. His expression was the same, the constant loathsome scowl painted across his face as always. His bare arms were crossed over his plate-covered chest, the distinct markings that trailed his body as evident as ever. The stark white hair that hung in his face only seemed to accentuate his deep green eyes that regarded her with unreadable emotions. Ellie could only hope the emotions in her eyes were painfully obvious to him.

"Wait, wait, wait," the voice of the dwarf echoed as he drew closer, "You two know each other?"

"Unfortunately, yes," Ellie snarled, her glare not leaving the elf in front of her.

There was a impatient groan as Hawke decided to step in, "Look, I know Fenris is probably not who you wanted to see but he does genuinely want to help."

Ellie was ready to murder someone at this point, "I don't think there's anything genuine about him."

"I thought you, of all people, would understand why I would do everything I could to stand against a Tevinter magister," Fenris countered icily.

The blonde scoffed, "Oh and you think I want help from a man who's too afraid of his own feelings so he runs away at the first opportunity? Why don't we just hand Thedas on a silver platter to Corypheus?"

Apparently her words struck a cord with Fenris because a snarl appeared on his face and his markings started to glow. He moved forward, uncrossing his arms, and opened his mouth to speak.

Ellie didn't give him the chance. "What are you going to do Fenris? Reach into my chest and rip my heart out? You've done that once already. Now go!"

At that she spun on her heel and left to make her way across the battlements and back into Skyhold. Leaving after her hate-filled words was all she could do not to actually get into a physical fight with Fenris. She didn't know what Hawke knew about their past, but if he was naïve enough to bring him knowing they had a past, she didn't want to deal with him. Not now. Not until he left.

A few moments after she stormed off, she heard footsteps rushing to catch up with her. She didn't need to look to know that it was Varric.

"Care to tell me what the hell that was all about, Sparky?" Varric asked casually, using his new nickname for her. She figured it had something to do with her glowing hand, but she didn't question it. If she knew one thing about Varric, once he got stuck on calling someone something, there was no changing it.

Ellie had slowed her pace, allowing Varric to walk beside her. As livid as she was, he clearly didn't invite Fenris intentionally, so she didn't want to take it out on him. "I knew him. Before he went to Kirkwall."

"I kind of gathered that much."

Ellie stopped then facing her dwarven friend, looking him firmly in the eye, "If I tell you, I want your word that you will not breathe a word of this to anyone here and you definitely won't use this as fodder for your novels."

Varric held up his hands in surrender, "I will not say a damned thing to anyone. I promise."

She sighed and ran her hands through her hair. This was her worst nightmare realized. Having him waltz back into her life somehow and at the worst possible time. It was a secret she had kept well hidden. As far as Ellie had known up until that point, only her and Fenris knew what transpired between them. But as she reflected on the look and tone that Hawke had when he tried to intervene, it didn't take a genius to realize that he knew something. She was also blatantly aware that if she didn't tell Varric now, he'd find out somewhere else. Still, she had a hard time parting with any of the information she had kept so well-guarded, even from herself, for so long.

"All I will say is that we were… Involved once. And when he left, it broke me," Ellie admitted softly, desperately not wanting the words to come out.

Varric let out an understanding huff, "You and Broody, hey? Well, shit. I would imagine he told Hawke."

Ellie grit her teeth at the thought, "It would appear."

Ellie so badly wanted not to be hurt. She wanted to not feel the stabbing pain of rejection from when he left. After all these years, she thought that somehow she could come to terms with it, and in some ways she did. But old feelings surfaced when she saw Fenris' face. Not feelings of wanting him back or re-kindled love. But feelings of being unwanted and abandoned.

"I'm sorry you had to witness this, Varric."

He gave her a reassuring look, "Hey, don't mention it. You and Hawke are both my friends, and I do understand why you freaked out back there. But this is about more than old flames. Hawke can help against Corypheus. Is there anyway we can all somehow look past this for now? For the sake of our own survival?"

Ellie knew he was right, but she didn't want him to be. They were all adults, she could put aside her broken heart for the greater good if she had to. But right now, what she needed was to cool down. "I can try, but right now I need some time to think. They can stay but please for the love of the Maker, keep them out of my sight for now. Especially him."

The dwarf nodded, "I can do that, Sparky. I'll keep em out of your hair. Just let me know when you're ready to talk to them."

"I appreciate it, Varric."

Varric hesitated before returning to his old friends, "One more thing. I know I promised I wouldn't say anything, but it wouldn't hurt for you to talk to someone about it. Your Commander perhaps?"

Ellie's eyes widened, "What!?"

"Oh come on, anyone can see how you two look at each other. Trust me, it's better he hears it from you than for him to find out the hard way," with his final bit of advice he turned and walked away, leaving the Inquisitor stunned.

_Is it really that obvious…_

She wondered to herself for a brief second when she realized that Varric was telling the truth. Ellie still had no idea what, if anything, was going on between her and Cullen. But if he found this out from a source other than her, it could ruin any chance she had. And it was only just very recently that she realized she indeed want that chance with him, despite the odds being stacked against it working. But on the other hand, she desperately wished that all of this could just be kept a secret, that all of it, Fenris especially, would just disappear.

That wouldn't be the case though. Ellie knew Fenris' bloodlust when it came to hunting down Tevinter magisters. He would not easily be cast out. And soon enough people would figure out the ugly truth, not just of their past romance but the other part of it that even Fenris didn't know about yet.

She wanted to cry in that moment, a mixture of frustration and heartbreak tormenting her soul. Instead, she decided to take her emotions out in a different way. If there was one thing that made her feel better, it was hitting something. She turned on her heel and hastily made her way to the training grounds to take out her rage on one of the sparring dummies.


	17. Chapter 17: Sidekick

**Hi... Thanks to everyone whos reading still! Happy to know that people are enjoying my take on everything so far. **

**Ive gotten a few supportive reviews regarding my bringing Fenris into the mix but any other thoughts would be greatly appreciated!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Ellie had returned to her quarters that afternoon a sweaty, disheveled mess. She had beaten a training dummy to a pulp and didn't feel any better at all. Her mind was still swirling with memories from her past that had been forced to the surface that day.

There was more to Ellie's heartbreak than Fenris leaving her. Ellie held a deep secret about what else had happened when she lost the only man she had ever cared for by that time, a secret even Fenris didn't know about. Ellie wanted to assume that if it weren't for that secret, she would have healed properly from the wound the elf gave her. In some ways, she thought he even deserved to know what it was now that he had appeared back into her life. But a larger part of her wanted to keep it hidden, to not let anyone know the burden she'd been holding onto all these years, even if it meant being emotionally scarred.

The Herald was so lost in thought she didn't hear the knock on her door. It wasn't until she heard a voice behind her that she realized someone was in the room.

"Are you okay, my dear?"

She turned to see the familiar face of Dorian, regarding her with a concerned, knowing look Ellie sighed and sat on the end of her bed. The mage followed suit and took a seat beside her, his eyes not leaving her.

"Did Varric tell you?"

Dorian looked at her quizzically, "No one told me anything, I just saw you beating that poor training dummy with an determination that would make any expert warrior jealous." He paused thoughtfully, "How come you told Varric before me? You wound me, Ellie."

"Because he was there for the whole thing. I really don't want to tell anyone anything about what happened," she said quietly.

The Tevinter placed a hand on her shoulder, "You would probably feel better if you talked about it. I'm not forcing you to say anything, but know you have a friend who will listen."

The corners of Ellie's mouth curled up ever so slightly at the sentiment. Dorian had been a true friend to her. Even though they hadn't know each other that long she felt a closeness with him that she hadn't experienced since her friendship with her mentor. They surprisingly had a lot in common, he had the uncanny ability to read her like an open book, and she accepted him and his choices without judgement. When he turned to her for support in dealing with his estranged father and she learned of what came between them, her admiration for the mage grew significantly. It took a brave soul to break tradition so they could follow what was in their hearts. That was a truth that Ellie knew all to well with her own family. To find that Dorian was as determined to always be himself was a profound realization for Ellie and their friendship seemed to grow tenfold after that. If she would feel comfortable telling her tale to anyone, it would be Dorian. She couldn't bring herself to divulge her one last secret, but she could trust him enough to tell him the rest.

Ellie inhaled deeply, readying herself to launch into the story. "Varric said that he had sent for a friend that could help against Corypheus. I went to meet him this afternoon, turns out this friend is actually Garrett Hawke."

"The Champion of Kirkwall?" Dorian asked surprised.

Ellie nodded, "Apparently he's fought Corypheus before. His knowledge of him would be a great asset."

Dorian raised an eyebrow, "So what's the problem?"

The Herald buried her face in her hands momentarily, collecting herself as she could feel herself starting to fall apart, "Hawke brought a friend with him. Someone I knew before he went to Kirkwall."

"That sounds foreboding. How did you know this person?"

"His name is Fenris. We met when I had a contract to kill some Tevinter magister," she paused to glance at her friend, making sure he was alright with listening about her killing one of his kin. He motioned for her to continue, "Fenris was a slave in Tevinter. He was tortured and abused in ways I don't even want to get into. When he managed to escape, his only goal in life was to rid the world of as many slavers and magisters as possible, his former master primarily. Apparently the one I was supposed to kill had ties to his old master and he wanted information. Our missions kind of overlapped and after a bit of an argument, I decided to help him find out what he wanted to know before I finished my job. The thing with Fenris is that he wasn't just an average slave. His fighting skills and strength were incredible. So after we finished with that particular magister, I asked him to tag along with me. He knew his master would try to hunt him down so he needed to move around a lot, which is exactly what my life entailed at the time, and I was more than happy to have an extra blade around. We got closer as time went on and well…"

"You became more than friends?" Dorian finished for her, she simply nodded in return. "But things did not end well, I take it?"

"I woke up one morning and he was gone. He left a simple note saying he didn't know how he could be with anyone, and other than that he left no trace." Ellie's sorrowful voice was soft now, barely over a whisper, "I had been so careful to not get emotionally involved up until then. But I was stupid enough to allow myself to care for him in ways I knew better not to. I learned my lesson."

"Is that why you've been reluctant towards your feelings for Cullen?" Dorian asked gently, but pointedly. As much as she tried to keep her inclinations towards the Commander hidden, Dorian knew better than that. But now he understood why she was so guarded about the subject.

Ellie nodded slowly, hesitantly admitting to Dorian after all this time that she did indeed feel something towards Cullen.

Dorian stroked his chin in thought, "I do not know what this Fenris is like, but the Commander is a good man. He has his problems and any relationship has the ability to hurt the people involved. But if there is one thing I know about Cullen, it's that he is devoted. I can't see him leaving anytime soon."

Ellie pondered over her friend's words. She was fully aware that he was right in saying Cullen was completely loyal. But she thought back to his words when he told her of his struggle with lyrium addiction, when he said that if his ability to lead was compromised he would ask for a replacement. In her gut, Ellie felt like it wouldn't come to that but the possibility was there that he might leave. Perhaps not because of her, but leave all the same. Could she make herself vulnerable to that happening again? Could she let herself openly care for man in that capacity knowing that it could result in her being rejected again?

Dorian's voice snapped her attention back to him. "He cares for you, Ellie. Anyone with eyes could see that," his words made it seem like he could read her thoughts and she mulled over the weight of what he was saying. "I can understand why you're scared to lend yourself to your feelings for him. But do you really want to deprive yourself of the happiness you could have just because of the pain you've experienced by the hands of someone else? Yes, it could end badly but it could also become something wonderful. You won't know until you give him a chance."

Ellie knew he was right. She knew she shouldn't write Cullen off because of what Fenris did. Her mind drifted back to what Cullen said to her earlier that day. He believed she was worthy of love. Maybe he wasn't wrong. Just because Fenris didn't want her, doesn't mean that she was beyond being wanted.

She sighed I defeat, brain exhausted, "I don't know how to do this."

"If I can make a suggestion?" Dorian offered and Ellie nodded for him to go on, "Talk to Cullen about this. You don't need to confess your feelings for him yet if you don't want to, but letting him know your struggle may cause him to be more sensitive to your feelings. It might not be the easiest thing to bring up, but I think Cullen would want to know."

"How can I even bring this up without it being awkward? I don't think anyone even knows Hawke and Fenris are here yet besides Varric and us," Ellie lamented, anxious about the conversation she knows she should have but desperately doesn't want to.

Dorian thought for a moment before replying, "If you plan on accepting their assistance, which I strongly advise that you do for everyone's sake, people will inevitably sense you have some history with Fenris and the rumours will fly. I'm sure Cullen would appreciate knowing the real story from you before he makes his own conclusions."

The blond groaned, "I hate it when you're right."

"I'm always right," Dorian quipped in his usual witty tone.

Ellie rolled her eyes, "Fine, I'll talk to Cullen. But I'm telling you what I told Varric. If you repeat what I told you to anyone, I'll murder you."

The mage chuckled, "Me? I wouldn't dream of telling anyone about your little love life! I am curious to see what this man who once stole your heart looks like though."

She gave him a playful shove at his flirtatious tone, "Don't go getting any ideas."

"I would never! I'm not one for being sloppy seconds anyways."

Ellie laughed at the easy banter between her and Dorian, even if they were joking about him hooking up with her ex-lover. She turned to look at him, sincerity in her eyes, "Seriously, though. Thank you for listening to me, Dorian."

He flashed her a winning smile, "Anytime my dear, you need just say the word."

As much as Ellie didn't want any of her past to surface, she was slowly learning that relying on people that had proven honest-hearted was a source of comfort, not unease. Between her small chat with Varric and her more detailed talk with Dorian, Ellie felt somewhat relieved, but also more nervous. It was nice to know she had people in her corner, not just as far as the Inquisition was concerned, but also on a personal level. On the other hand, the two people she had confided in both urged her to speak to Cullen. She knew they were right and that it was the best course of action, but she was terrified that he would look down on her now and be turned off by her previous life. Ellie had just accepted the fact that she wanted Cullen as more than a colleague, more than a friend. She didn't want to lose her chance of that happening, not now.

Dorian left the Inquisitor alone in her room. She rubbed her temples, mentally preparing herself once again to rehash her past to someone she hoped wouldn't think less of her for it. Rising from her bed, she took a deep breath and started making her way to Cullen's office.


	18. Chapter 18: Bloom

**Hi everyone! Thanks for reading!**

**A quick note: Over the next few weeks I may not be updating as much as I have been. I will still do my best to update when I can but as it turns out I'm actually getting married at the end of the month and life is going to be a bit hectic between now and then. Sorry to keep everyone waiting in the meantime but such is life.**

**A quick but less important note: If anyone is interested I will be posting things occasionally to my profile regarding my Quizzie. Things that are not exactly crucial to the story such as who I envision her to look like and what her clothes are like, etc. Beauty and fashion are interests of mine but I understand they may not be interests of everyone or some of you are happy with what pictures you have in your head already. So I'll only mention this once but feel free to check out my profile if you're interested! **

**As always, feedback is greatly appreciated!**

**Onward!**

* * *

Ellie had been standing outside the door to Cullen's office for the better part of half an hour, silently debating whether or not she should go through with this. Her mind and heart were waging a war with each other and she was weighing both of their voices out with confusion.

_You need to tell Cullen, he has to hear this from you, _her mind argued.

Her heart was always quick to flood her an objection, _He'll look at you differently from now on. How could he want you when he finds out your damaged goods?_

_Why would he be upset to find out you were once romantically involved with someone? Surely he must have had women in the past._

She reflected on what Cullen's past must have been like. The Commander was undeniably good looking, he was smart, kind and dedicated. Obviously he would have attracted a female following in his years. She was surprised she had never asked him about it before, she hadn't hesitated to ask him if he had taken chastity vows. Perhaps she was too afraid to know the answer of whether or not his heart was taken.

Luckily, her brain had the final say, _if he doesn't find out from you, he'll find out eventually. Just get it over with. _

She straightened her posture, took a deep breath and knocked on the door. She heard a mumble that sounded like Cullen telling her to enter. Opening the door, she noticed him hunched over his desk, not looking up at her as he buried himself in paperwork.

"Unless it's really important, I'm rather busy so I'd prefer not to be distracted," he said gruffly, still not noticing who he was addressing.

His dismissive attitude threw Ellie for a loop, making her second guess her decision to come. "Oh, um, I can come back," she offered feebly, already retreating back to the door.

Cullen's head snapped up at the sound of her voice, "Ellie? Forgive me, I didn't know it was you."

She smiled shyly in return, silently cursing herself for becoming a nervous idiot all of a sudden, "It's alright, I can see you're busy. I can come back another time."

"No!" He quickly exclaimed, then cleared his throat and spoke at a more reasonable volume and pace, "I mean, no. It's fine. This can wait."

Ellie watched as he dropped his pen and stood up. He still stayed behind his desk but he didn't take his eyes off of her.

"Are you sure?" She asked, almost hoping he would want to return to his work and give her a reason not to go through with this.

He gave her a sincere smile, "Of course. What did you need?"

"I just um," she fumbled awkwardly trying to figure out exactly how she was going to say this, "I need to talk to you about something because I think it's best you hear it from me."

He eyed her cautiously, "Alright."

Ellie's nerves were getting the best of her and she started pacing in his office. She had gone through every possible outcome of this conversation in her head and was mentally bracing herself for the worst. She figured that the best way to start, was with trying to gauge what he may already know, considering he had spent considerable time in Kirkwall. "You knew Hawke and her companions in Kirkwall, right?"

"I did, though not overly well. I didn't make many friends while I was there," he paused a moment, clearly remembering what had interrupted their chess game earlier, "Wait, is Hawke the one Varric sent for? Is that who you met today?"

During Ellie's incessant pacing, she dared to make eye contact with the Commander. His warm eyes melted her every time she looked into them and at this moment they made her both want to run to him and run away from him.

_There's no turning back now, _she reminded herself.

"Yes but he wasn't the only one there. He brought one of his companions with him."

Cullen raised an eyebrow, "Oh? Which one?"

Ellie stopped her pacing and huffed out a heavy sigh, biting her lip anxiously. The nervous tick obviously alerted Cullen to her state of mind.

"Are you alright, Ellie?" He asked gently, living away from the back of his desk and stepping towards her. The Inquisitor's head was tilted down but she flashed her eyes up to meet his as he drew closer.

_This conversation is most certainly going to be the death of me, _Ellie concluded but willed herself to get it over with.

"Not really, but I'll manage. Um, so I take it you knew Fenris as well?"

Cullen nodded, "I did. We shared a very strong hatred of mages at the time, if memory serves me right."

The blonde girl almost smiled at that, knowing naturally that would be a point of common ground for them. She had forgot they had had that in common until now, but Ellie was thankful that Cullen's opinion had softened.

"Well you see, the thing is.." She started, feeling like she was about to vomit. How she could willingly throw herself in front of danger every day but then be a nervous wreck now was beyond her. "Before Fenris went to Kirkwall, him and I… We were kind of together."

Cullen's eyes widened and his eyebrows shot up, "Together like…?"

"Yes, like that," she confirmed. The Commander took a couple steps back from her at her admission. Ellie felt her heart sink when he did. "It was a long time ago and believe me when I say I've tried to forget it happened. The last thing I expected was for him to show up here. But we need their help and I really don't want this getting around. I didn't want to even tell anyone. But I thought you should know."

Her words flew out of her at a rapid speed and she watched helplessly as Cullen absorbed her words. His head was down and his face had an unreadable expression on it. "Why did you tell me?"

_Because I care about you more than I should._ Ellie knew damn well she couldn't blurt out how she really felt. She had dealt with enough embarrassment and shame today. So she went for the next best thing she could think of. "Because I trust you."

"Oh," he gasped, apparently not expecting that answer. He rubbed the back of his neck and it looked like he was fighting to figure out what to say next. "Were the two of you serious?"

That was a loaded question as far as Ellie was concerned. But she detected compassion in his voice and she wasn't about to take that for granted. "I thought we were. Apparently I was mistaken."

"Mind if I ask what happened?" Again, his tone seemed caring, though his defensive stance hadn't changed.

Ellie ran a hand through her hair and she related the same version on the story she had told Dorian earlier. It wasn't easy for her to verbally relive her pain again, but she was surprised that Cullen listened carefully and didn't seem to pass any judgement. Him being understanding was the scenario she had played out the least in her head.

When she finished, she stood awkwardly in front of Cullen. He was still a few feet away and the feeling running through her was something akin to feeling like a child again who had to confess something to her parents that she knew would get her in deep trouble. He was quiet for a few moments and braced herself for him voicing his disapproval.

"So, let me get this straight, he just left you?" His tone became increasingly more loud and incredulous, "Why would he do that?"

Ellie shrugged, trying to ignore how angry he sounded, "That's something you'd have to ask him, I suppose."

He took a tentative step towards her, "Forgive me for being blunt, Ellie. But I meant what I said earlier. You deserve to be loved. You deserve better than what he did to you."

Ellie's mouth practically dropped at his words and she was rendered completely speechless.

"I, um, I just meant," he stuttered, her silence causing him to want to retract his words, "Everyone deserves to be treated properly in that regard."

Normally she would have been taken aback by him back-pedalling but this time her mind lingered on the sentiment of his first statement, the one he'd made twice in one day. And the fact that she had been expecting him to think less of her after this conversation, but instead he openly defended her against Fenris. Knowing that put Ellie completely at ease.

"Cullen, I really appreciate you saying that. You have no idea how nervous I was to talk to you about this, or talk to anyone about it really," she told him honestly as she smiled up at him.

He returned the facial expression, "Who else knows already?"

"Varric knows the shortened version because he was there when I met Hawke. And I told Dorian what I told you. Other than you three, no one else knows as far as I'm aware. I'd like to keep it that way."

Cullen nodded and she noticed a brief flash of an unreadable emotion on his face. "Are they still here?"

Ellie let out a soft groan, "Unfortunately. I know we could use their help but I can't even begin to tell you how badly I wish we didn't." She regarded the man across from her then. He seemed conflicted, though Ellie had no idea why. She didn't know what else to say about the subject of her past and he remained quiet so she decided to gently probe him about his past. "You said you didn't make any friends in Kirkwall. Does that mean no one special caught you eye?"

His golden eyes snapped up to hers at the question. "Not in Kirkwall," he admitted quietly, the tone of his words made Ellie's stomach flutter and she felt heat rise to her face. She didn't want to get presumptuous though.

"Before Kirkwall?"

Cullen exhaled audibly and rubbed the back of his neck, hesitating before his next words left his mouth. "When I was serving in the Circle Tower, there was a young apprentice mage I was somewhat infatuated with. She led me on for some time, but it turned out she didn't feel the same. That was for the best, I'm sure, considering she was one of my charges. It could have never worked anyways."

Ellie's eyebrows furrowed. "What was wrong with her?" She asked in whisper, not meaning for the words to come out and she could only hope Cullen didn't hear her.

"What was that?" He eyed her curiously.

"Nothing, I just…" She paused. Should she really say this? But then she thought of how he jumped to her defense regarding Fenris. And that if she truly accepted how she felt about Cullen, a subtle hint to that wouldn't hurt, would it? There was only one way to find out. "Regardless of the circumstance, I just don't understand why she wouldn't feel the same way. You deserve to be loved too, Cullen."

Her confession must have struck a chord with the Commander because he stepped closer to her slowly, looking her with what seemed like a mix of disbelief and something else that Ellie was too cautious to name.

"Ellie, I…"

He was interrupted by the door swinging open suddenly and his lieutenant striding into the room with a handful of reports and maps. Cullen and Ellie's eyes met, both holding a measure of disappointment at the intrusion. Ellie backed away towards the door to let her Commander get back to work. His amber orbs followed her steadily as she walked out of his office as she tried to figure out exactly what just happened between them


	19. Chapter 19: Army Of Me

For the first time in hours, Cullen could hear a noise besides the sound of rustling papers and his quill scrawling on parchment. Skyhold was finally starting to wake up. Even though there were watch guards during the night, it was always so quiet in the mountains while the majority of the residents slept. He could hear the sound of recruits beginning to train in the yard, the hustle and bustle of the establishment starting to gain momentum for the day. As of yet, no one had been by to office this morning, a break that was welcomed by the Commander as he worked steadily.

He had been up for hours already. For once, he did attempt trying to get some sleep that night but woke up in a panicked, cold sweat. Almost immediately after waking, the vomiting started. It was a symptom of his withdrawal that hadn't surfaced since he first quit all those months ago. But for whatever reason that night, his body insisted that he expel any and all of his stomach contents. Even after there was nothing left, he retched a few more times until finally the nausea subsided.

There was no way he could sleep after that. His body ached and his legs were shaky but he knew that if he rested now, it would just get worse. Instead, he climbed down to his desk and worked the rest of the night away. Though he was exhausted, he was actually somewhat happy with the amount of work he was able to accomplish during the wee hours of the morning. He had gone through all of his reports, signed all of the documents that required his attention, reviewed a number of schematics for various military equipment and infrastructure, he had even completed two months worth of guard rotation schedules. He may be sacrificing his health, but the Inquisition was sure benefiting from his sleepless nights.

Now the queasy feeling in his stomach was gone, though he didn't have an appetite for breakfast. But the Commander was still weak and his joints were quivering, muscles twitching. He let out a shaky exhale as he leaned back in his chair, giving himself a momentary reprieve from his work. His eyes were clenched shut and he pinched the bridge of his nose. When he opened his eyes, his gaze fell on the report currently on the top of his mountain of mostly completed paperwork.

Cullen could now always recognize the handwriting that covered the piece of smooth vellum. Dainty letters that always curved in deliberate, flowing strokes of her pen. He knew that her neat cursive was a result of her noble upbringing and education. But he couldn't help but feel that Ellie's graceful and pleasant writing matched who she was as a person.

He almost laughed at that thought in self-depreciation. Was she really so etched in his brain that he associated her penmanship with her personality? Was he already that hopeless for her?

Cullen couldn't deny that whenever his brain wasn't focused on his work or wasn't reeling from the haunting memories of his past, his mind constantly drifted to her. It was almost never brought on by anything in particular. All of sudden he would end up thinking about how airy and melodious her laugh sounded. Or how he would so often catch her chewing her bottom lip whenever she was nervous or stressed, making her lip even more pink and full than before. Or he would think about how silky her golden, wavy hair must feel, and how soft he knew her porcelain skin _did _feel. Or how she would always be wearing clothes that hugged her figure just right, making the curve of her hips that much more appealing when she would sway past him. He didn't want to admit how often he thought of those hips and wondered what it would be like to have his hands on them bare, gripping them tight enough to leave marks as he…

_Maker's breath, _he groaned as he felt his body reacting to the thought of Ellie's naked hips, _It's too early for this._

Cullen rubbed his hands repeatedly over his face, trying to banish those fantasies from his mind. He knew that she had so much more to offer than a pretty face and a beautifully feminine body. But lately, it seemed his mind became fixated on imagining her in a far more intimate and sensual way than he wanted to admit. Perhaps his lust was just another effect of his lyrium withdrawal. Regardless, it was becoming deliciously distracting.

The thoughts strangled him and he knew he needed a breath of fresh air before that one little idea became a much more difficult thing to conceal within the confines of his breeches.

He exited his office slowly, seeing it was the first time he had stood in hours and his muscles were aching in protest of the movement. The Commander stretched as he walked along the battlements. He wasn't planning on going anywhere in particular, he just had to get his mind off of Ellie for a moment.

As he made his way along the stone walkway casually, he caught a glimpse of a male figure near the other end of the section he was walking towards. He hadn't seen the man since Kirkwall, and seeing as he might be helping their cause, it couldn't hurt to greet him. Granted, they had probably both changed significantly since the events in Kirkwall, Cullen knew he sure had, but it was this man's actions that helped the Commander see how crazed Knight Commander Meredith had become. That realization helped set him on the path that brought him here, to the Inquisition.

Cullen approached the raven-haired man as he leaned on the balcony railing that overlooked Skyhold's garden. Garrett nodded a greeting towards Cullen but offered no words. The two men simply stood side by side, looking out over the green space below in a mutual silence. It appeared Hawke was alone, and for that the blonde was thankful. He wasn't sure how he would react if his elven companion were present.

Truth be told, Cullen was still trying to absorb what Ellie had confided in him yesterday regarding her past lover. His knee-jerk reaction was to find Fenris and beat the living shit out of him, not only for having somehow won over Ellie at one point, but also for being selfish enough to abandon one of the most wonderful women Cullen had ever met.

The Commander knew the sentiment was foolish. He had no claim on Ellie. Only a baseless hope that one day she might return his feelings. There were brief, fleeting moments when he felt that maybe, just maybe, she felt the same towards him now.

He would often muse over their interactions with one another. She seemed to genuinely be herself with him and she looked to him for a place to put her trust. Cullen would do everything he could to make sure he maintained that level of confidence with her. And to be honest, he exercised a fair amount of personal trust in her as well. Not many people in the Inquisition knew much about their Commander beyond his title. But anytime he opened up to Ellie, whether it was the weighty matter of his addiction or details about his family, he never felt regret. In fact, he greatly appreciated the mutual trust.

But then he thought back to some of the more light-hearted moments between them. How they truly seemed to enjoy each other's company in a casual setting and the fact that Ellie had openly stated that she wanted to spend more time like that with him. Not that they had the time to do that much, but the prospect was so inviting. He reminisced about chess match they had yesterday, granted it had its moments of awkward silence, but it was one of the most pleasant moments Cullen had had since joining the Inquisition.

After that one night in the tent when they had found her nearly frozen to death in the mountains he had tried so hard to distance himself. And now, he almost regretted the time he lost. He had been so absorbed in his embarrassment and his disciplined loyalty to the cause that he didn't even fathom that perhaps she wanted that kiss to happen as well.

The wind rustled through his hair and the faintest smile crept across his lips as he remembered, not the self-condemning version that he had played over and over in his mind, but the more accurate version. How her fingers gently ran over his scarred lip. How he could feel the heat radiating from her body even though she should have still been cold. How the silver colour of her eyes were almost lost to her dilated pupils when she looked up at him. How she didn't pull back when his face neared hers, in fact hers was moving towards him as well. How her warm breath delicately dusted his face as they drew closer.

But surely she couldn't actually want him, right? He was damaged, broken, shattered into tiny pieces. Who would be interested in that?

Though even after he told her about his struggle with lyrium withdrawal, she drew closer to him, offered to help in whatever way she could. Not once did she give him the impression that she thought less of him because of it.

What had happened in the tavern only seemed to confirm that. He wasn't sure what it was about that evening, but he couldn't bring himself to control his flirting with her. He knew he should, considering she clearly was under the influence of alcohol. Cullen didn't believe she was completely drunk by any means, but she was definitely loosened up. He remembered how ravishing she looked that night. Blonde hair framing her heart-shaped face perfectly and her skin became flushed when she saw him as he held onto her so she didn't fall over.

_Yes, that's absolutely why I put my arm around her, _he reminded himself, though deep down he knew there was more to it than that.

But then she became more confident and met his coy attitude with a seduction that even someone as oblivious as him couldn't doubt. Her eyes looked at him with a longing that made him wish they were alone, her attention was almost solely on him the entire evening and when she rested her leg against his, he nearly suggested that they go somewhere more private.

Twice now Dorian had interrupted them. He wasn't sure what kind of relationship Ellie and Dorian shared, but he was getting quite fed up with his interference. Cullen wasn't sure if he should be jealous of the mage, again he knew he had no stake on Ellie, but they seemed so comfortable around each other. Sure, he felt Ellie and himself were getting to that level, but they weren't there yet.

As if somehow they had read his mind, he spotted both Ellie and Dorian walking side by side in the garden below laughing with each other. He felt himself entranced by her as he watched.

"It sure is something, isn't it?" The man beside Cullen asked, pulling at his attention though his gaze was still directed to the woman below. Hawke continued, "A darkspawn magister who should be dead, and she alone is the one who has the power to stop him."

"The Inquisition would be nothing without her," Cullen paused to regard the man beside him who had an unreadable expression on his face, "Much like Kirkwall would've been reduced to nothing if it weren't for you."

Hawke let out a sharp laugh, "It practically was anyways. Had I not been so blind, had I not paid more attention…"

"It could have been far worse," Cullen interrupted. He knew how caustic it could be to constantly dwell on how things could've been, what could've been done better. Not that being aware of that stopped him from doing it. "I never got to properly thank you for what you did in Kirkwall. Had it not been for your actions, I'm not sure I would've been able to recognize how broken the Order was."

Hawke nodded solemnly, "No one wanted to believe how bad it was. But you're right. It could've been worse." The two warriors paused a moment, reflecting on what may have happened and how the aftermath of the mage uprising affected them all. "I do not envy her. It was hard enough having the weight of Kirkwall's fate resting on me. I can't imagine having all of Thedas depending on her."

"We do everything we can to alleviate her burden. She manages to handle it well considering. Her people respect her and many care for her."

"You're one of those people, I take it?"

The insinuating tone of took Cullen off guard, "I'm not sure what you're implying."

Before Garrett could expand on what he meant, there were footsteps behind them.

"I think you know what he meant, but it would seem that someone had beaten you to the punch, Commander," the distinctive voice of Fenris stated as he approached, his acidic gaze fixed on Ellie and Dorian in the garden as the mage slung his arm around her tightly. Cullen caught the bitterness in the elf's voice and it stirred an intensified irritation in him that he hadn't felt before. Cullen may not have the right to feel jealous over Ellie, but Fenris sure as hell didn't either. He had forfeit that right when he left her.

Admittedly, Cullen didn't know much about Fenris but he did know a few key details about his past. Primarily, his distaste of mages but in particular his hatred towards Tevinter magisters. Dorian wasn't a magister, but he was the son of one and a mage as well. He knew that getting into an argument with Fenris wasn't wise, but the throbbing pain in his head kept growing which only added fuel to his fire. He was instantly livid, not only because of what Ellie had told him, but because the elf had the gall to direct some of his perpetual anger towards him. Despite knowing better, that was all the incentive Cullen needed to give Fenris a little taste of his own medicine.

"That may be, but I'd still rather see her in the company of a Tevinter mage than you," Cullen didn't bother to hide the bite in his words. He'd probably regret saying that but in that moment, he didn't care. And he wasn't lying, either. At least Dorian made her happy.

His words clearly hit the nerve that the Commander intended because the lyrium markings etched into his skin started glowing, his fists clenched tightly, "She's with a _what_?" He snarled.

"Does it matter? You certainly don't deserve to be with her," Cullen fought back, his voice raised. Hawke stepped back from the two men as their argument only became more inflamed. They were both so focused, they didn't realize that their volume and tone had caught the attention of some of the people down below, nor did they notice as both Ellie and Dorian started making their way up the closest staircase to them.

Fenris took a threatening step towards Cullen, teeth bared, "And let me guess, _you _deserve to be with her? She can do better."

"And I suppose a former slave is what you consider better? Please," Cullen barked a short, condescending laugh.

"Anyone would be better than a fucking Tevinter, but a former Templar is hardly worthy of her time."

Now Cullen was the one to step forward, as he allowed his temper to flare, his hands balled into fists so tight he wasn't sure how his leather gloves didn't tear. His tone became quieter but was iced with a deep rage, "I may have left the Order, but unlike you I would never leave her."

The accusation left the elf stunned for a brief second as he realized that Ellie must've told him about their past. But his epiphany was quickly suppressed and he made to lunge at the Commander and Cullen relished the idea of being able to beat the man to a pulp.

Before he could, a small female body darted between them placing a hand on each of their chests to keep them apart.

When his eyes fell on Ellie, almost all of his pent up fury diminished when he saw the look on her face. Cullen instantly felt regret, not so much for his manifested rage towards Fenris, but because she had to witness it and put a stop to it before it got out of hand. Her face had a mixture of emotions written across them, anger and determination being the prominent ones. But when her stormy gaze met his and he could sense the overwhelming hurt in her eyes, he wanted to recoil. He wanted to hide and be left to hate himself for causing that within her.

_I'm sorry, Ellie, _he whispered in his head as he awaited the result of his lost temper.

* * *

**Poor Cully Wully!**

**Thanks for reading! :)**


	20. Chapter 20: What Kind Of Man

Overwhelmed. That was the general mood Ellie had woken up in that morning. Overwhelmed with a hint of annoyance. She had managed to wake up at her normal time, just as the dawn broke, but she didn't feel rested at all.

The rest of her night had been filled with countless hours of reports and paperwork that she had otherwise been neglecting. Tomorrow they left for the Exalted Plains, potentially making a stop in Emprise Du Lion as well, and she needed to get caught up on any pending tasks in Skyhold while she could.

Truth be told, she kind of appreciated the time alone and needed an excuse to avoid social interaction. The day had been beyond trying, worse than most days she had spent traveling throughout Ferelden and Orlais. At least when she was on missions, the people or things that attacked her weren't from her past trying to make her life hell. Most of the time, it wasn't even personal; they would attack whatever came their way. But between her nug of a mother and Fenris making a random appearance in her life on the same day, she desperately needed a reprieve from people.

It did help talking to Dorian, and surprisingly even opening up to Cullen eased her a bit. But still, her past coming back to haunt her weighed heavily on Ellie, adding to all of the other pressures she had to deal with on a daily basis since becoming the Inquisitor.

Before they had left Haven, Ellie still had a number of responsibilities outside of fighting and travelling. But now that she was the official head of the Inquisition, it seemed that every piece of paper that passed through their holdings, needed her literal stamp of approval. She could never bring herself to simply skim her reports and letters or just give her signature without thoroughly reading through everything first. Ellie was never one for doing things by halves. If she did something, she always ensured she did the best she could possibly do and endless amounts of tedious paperwork were no exception.

While the work was mind-numbing, Ellie kind of enjoyed it. It kept her thoughts focused on something other than her personal life and the people in it. After yesterday, she had desperately needed that.

Today, however, she did not have that option. There were loose ends she needed to tie before she left tomorrow, yes, but all of them involved leaving the comfort and solitude of her quarters. Though she had woke at her regular time, Ellie took her time getting up and getting herself ready for the day. Being sluggish was by no means how she normally operated, but there was a large part of her that wanted to delay her tasks for the day in fear of what they might bring.

When Ellie was freshly bathed and then dressed, she knew she couldn't procrastinate any longer and she reluctantly left her room to first grab a quick breakfast. To her relief, the kitchen was free of anyone besides the cooks so she was able to simply grab an apple and leave before anyone else showed up.

As she munched on the fruit, she thought about the first order of business she wanted to tackle. She wasn't entirely sure yet that this would be wise or helpful, but the idea kept gnawing at her incessantly and she knew it was the right thing to do. As silent as possible, the Inquisitor made her way towards the main hall.

She passed Solas on his way back into his study and she nodded a quick hello to him, which he returned in kind. Ellie was still somewhat unsure about the elf. He was calm and peaceful enough but the Herald had never trusted those who were too quiet. Still, he had proven to be useful time and time again and his abundant knowledge of spirits, magic and the Fade intrigued Ellie. Every once in a while she'd stop and pick his brain about the curiosities she had towards his field of study and Solas was always more than happy to oblige. Ellie felt that sometimes he held back in what he knew, but that didn't bother her much. She appreciated his pacified disposition, especially on a morning such as this one.

Stepping as lightly as she could, she descended the staircase that led from the main hall to the courtyard where she could see the person she was meaning to talk to in her usual spot in the training yard. Ellie was developing a cautious liking of Cassandra. Instead of being put off by her often abrasive demeanour, Ellie was beginning to understand how to deal with it and she admired the woman's sense of logic. Everything seemed very black and white to the former Seeker and Ellie could not deny that quality was an asset to their cause. The Inquisitor still knew to tread lightly around her, knowing Cassandra would always blatantly speak her mind. But right now, it was that exact quality that Ellie was looking for.

"Good morning, Inquisitor. You're here awfully early," Cassandra greeted in her firm voice, moving her eyes to the Herald just briefly enough to be polite.

Ellie took a place standing in front of the training dummy Cassandra was beside, arms crossed over her chest. "Good morning, Cassandra. I hope it's not an inconvenience that I'm here this early."

"Of course not," she turned to face Ellie fully this time, "What brings you by?"

"I was actually hoping you might be able to help me with something, though I would require both your honesty and hopefully your discretion."

The darker haired woman cocked an eyebrow, "I always speak my mind, you know this. And I can be discreet, provided it's within my ability to do so."

"Thank you, I know that you'll give me a more straightforward answer than the actual source of the question," Ellie paused a moment, wondering what the Seeker would think of her after the question was asked. A concerned leader or something more personal? Only one way to find out. "It's my understanding that Cullen has asked you to… Keep an eye on him."

Cassandra looked at her thoughtful before replying, "So he finally told you that he stopped taking lyrium? It's about time."

Ellie mumbled a quick affirmation, nodding her head, "I just wanted to know your professional opinion of how he's doing. I doubt he'd give me a real answer."

The Seeker huffed out a small laugh, "You're probably right. Typical man. They never like showing their weaknesses or admitting they need help. But I honestly think that he is handling it well, all things considered."

"Really?" Ellie was shocked at how sure she sounded.

"Cullen has been through a lot. He's a good man and a good commander because of it, but there is always a price to be paid," the Seeker mused making Ellie's heart twist a little in sadness. She couldn't imagine what kind of pain he'd had to face. She had stories, rumours of what happened at Kinloch Hold and what happened with Kirkwall's Knight-Commander. "I have seen men suffer terribly because of lyrium withdrawal. But our Commander is strong. He can get through this, I am sure of it."

Knowing how Cassandra felt, someone who's last job was to monitor Templars, it made her feel more at ease. She didn't want to lose Cullen. She didn't want to seem him throw away his hard work he had put into quitting and she really didn't want to step down because he couldn't handle the withdrawal symptoms. And though she knew it was inevitable, she desperately didn't want to seem him suffer. He had been through a lot, as Cassandra eluded to. How much could one man take?

"Is there anything you think I could do to make it easier for him, to help?" Ellie asked in earnest, though not wanting to sound too urgent.

Judging by the Seeker's faint smirk, she failed. "Just be there for him. Your care and compassion alone could work wonders. As much as he won't admit it, he needs someone to lean on. You can be that person for him, though it may take some extra initiative on your part. He's a strong man but he's a stubborn one."

Ellie pondered her words. Surely she could do that. She could be there for Cullen through his withdrawals. Maker knows he's been her rock a few times. Returning the favor is something she owes him, as far as she was concerned. If she had to be a little more sensitive to how he might be feeling, she would. From what she had gathered about his past, he had dealt with everything completely on his own. He deserved to have someone. She could be that someone.

They parted ways and the Inquisitor left feeling a little more relieved and a lot more determined. She thanked Cassandra for her advice made her way back towards the hall, all the more ready to carry out the rest of tasks that day.

"I have a bone to pick with you, Elizabeth," the familiar Tevinter accent rang out, enunciating her full name very dramatically as he knew how much she hated it.

Her head snapped in the direction of the voice, hands on her hips and a mocking glare shooting towards him, "I beg your pardon?"

"Don't you sass me. I'm quite upset with you at the moment," he drew closer to her and she could tell by his facial expression and the amusement in his tone that he was joking.

Ellie rolled her eyes as she waited for him to meet her, "Pray tell, what did I do to get your knickers in a knot?"

"You know damn well how much I've been complaining about the lack of skilled chess players in this establishment and it turns out you've been holding out on me."

She couldn't help but laugh at him as they both ascended the stairs to the main hall, then exiting it through the first door on the left, both of them not needing to be told that they were heading to the garden where the chess board was set up. "Well perhaps I actually need to play against someone who would be challenging."

Dorian scoffed at her insult, "And yet you'll play with the Commander? You only think he's a challenge because you have to concentrate on the game without being distracted by his looks."

"That's not true," Ellie defended, giving him a light playful shove as they went through the door that led outside to the green space, "I still won against him anyways. But if I remember correctly, you lost against him so perhaps I'm not the only one who gets sidetracked by his looks."

The mage shrugged, "Well he is certainly nice to look at, I won't lie." Ellie shot him a threatening look. "Don't worry, he's all yours. I prefer brunettes anyways."

Ellie chuckled at their banter. She loved how easy it was to be around Dorian and that their sarcastic teasing only strengthened their friendship.

"Speaking of you and men, I still have yet to see this past lover of yours," he admitted, slinging his arm around Ellie. It looked like a sign of affection between the two friends, and in part it was, but it was more so Dorian could whisper to Ellie about her secret connection with one of Skyhold's new guests.

As if on cue, they both heard two men arguing above them. They simultaneously turned their heads toward the sound to see one head of curly blonde hair and one of messy white locks on the rooftop that overlooked the garden.

Ellie had to suppress a groan, "Look no further."

Dorian's eyes widened as he saw his friend's ex-lover from a distance for the first time, "That's him?"

The Inquisitor made a begrudging sound of affirmation as they both still looked up at the bickering men. Whatever words were transpiring between them, it was clearly getting heated because one of them started to glow. She knew that if Fenris was getting angry beyond control, it was not a good thing. She started towards the steps closest to them, knowing she would have to do something before someone got hurt.

"I can only imagine what they're arguing over. Or should I say whom they are arguing over," Dorian insinuated as he followed up the stairs.

Ellie simply ignored him, not wanting him to actually be right but she had a sneaking suspicion he could be. Her pace quickened and she hurried to get to the rooftop. She couldn't make out what any of them were saying, but as she finally got to the level they were on she saw Fenris lunge towards the Commander. With lightning speed, she rushed between them before they started brawling. One hand was placed on the smooth metal of Cullen's chest-plate and the other was on the elf's dark, textured chest-plate, pushing on both men to keep them from ripping each other apart. She could feel the heat radiating off both of them through their armor.

To be honest, Ellie wasn't sure which one of them she thought would win the fight. She had witnessed Cullen beat a Qunari mercenary with his bare hands, but she had also seen the fancy, lyrium-enabled tricks and hate-fuelled battle prowess of Fenris firsthand. But Ellie didn't want to actually find out which of them would win in a fight now.

Her gaze darted back and forth between the two angry males. Both of them looked at each other with an unparalleled rage but Cullen's face softened when he looked at her. As always, Fenris' scowl was permanent.

"If the two of you are quite finished hosing down the place down with testosterone, will one of you explain to me what in the Maker's name is going on?" Ellie chastised them both, acutely aware of the fact that this must be how her mother used to feel when she would break up fights between her and Cain.

Cullen was the first one to speak as Fenris kept stewing in his anger. "Forgive me, Ellie," the Commanders tone sounded sincere when he addressed her, but then picked up a spiteful edge, "Fenris seems to think he still has a say on who you spend your time with. I was setting him straight."

The Inquisitor turned her eyes on the elf whose glowing had subsided, "Is this true?"

"After everything I've told you, you would decide to keep company with _that,_" he spat as he pointed towards Dorian who only seemed to look amused by the whole situation.

A fire ignited in Ellie when he spoke of her friend as an object, not a person. "That is my friend. His name is Dorian. Yes, he is from Tevinter and yes, he is a mage but that does not give you the right to treat him like that. He has done nothing to you personally to deserve that. And Cullen is right, you do not get to tell me who I spend my time with." Her voice was firm and scathing.

Dorian was leaned up against the wall observing the scene, arms crossed over his chest and a smirk on his lips. "I must say, I'm absolutely delighted to meet you too, Fenris. I have heard so much about you," his tone was full of his typical charm and sarcasm, "I do apologize for what some of my fellow countrymen have done to you, but I can assure you that I have no interest in enslaving anyone."

Fenris sneered at the mage, not ready to accept his words as any kind of actual proof of his intentions.

"They're right," Cullen piped in, his voice earnest and more reasonable, "Dorian has been an asset to the Inquisition and has done nothing to suggest he has motives similar to Tevinter magisters. I wouldn't trust Ellie's life with him otherwise."

The elf scoffed, "Right, because she means so much to you, doesn't she?"

"She is our leader," Cullen countered, the biting tone returning to his voice, "Her happiness and well-being does mean a lot to me, it means a lot to all of us. Clearly, it never meant anything to you."

"You know nothing!" Fenris snapped, reaching for the Commander once again making Ellie have to push back on both of them to stop a physical fight once again.

"Enough!" By this point, Ellie was fed up with both men. There was a part of her that was ecstatic that Cullen was trying to defend her, but at the same time her strong independence didn't need him to. She didn't need to justify herself to Fenris, not after what he did. "You're both being childish. Cullen, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I need a military commander, not a personal bodyguard. I can fight my own battles, I don't need you to fight them. Fenris, it's about time you and I dealt with our matters privately."

The Commander seemed to wince at her words and Ellie almost felt bad for saying them. To her, he was more than just the Inquisition's military commander. She cared for him, as a friend and confidante but as something more than that. But she still had no idea what, if anything, was happening between them. So as far as she was concerned, she was the sole person responsible for defending her honor.

Without a word, Cullen took a few steps back then retreated from the battlements. Ellie silently cursed herself for not handling it better. Her hands dropped to her sides now that she wasn't worried about preventing a fight and she turned her attention to Fenris. They held each other's eyes for a moment, his expression unreadable.

"Go to my quarters and we will talk there," she spoke to him softly.

After a brief pause, him looking at her almost with distrust, he obeyed and silently left the rooftop as well, leaving only Ellie, Dorian and Hawke.

The Inquisitor set her attention on Hawke who had been remarkably quiet during the entire event. Ellie's adrenaline was still reeling and she didn't hold back when she addressed the Champion, "If you knew about Fenris and I, why did you bring him here?"

The man let out a sigh before he launched into a rant, "He still cares for you to a degree, though I doubt you believe that. I know he seems like he's constantly dissatisfied with everything but he does want to help and he was also there when we faced Corypheus before. Most of my companions had other personal matters they had to attend to after Kirkwall's Circle fell. When he heard about Corypheus and learned that you were heading the fight to stop him, he dropped everything to join me in coming here. I'm not suggesting you should try to regain what you had with him before, but you could at least talk to him and try to sort this out. For all our sakes."

With that, Garrett departed the rooftop as well. Ellie knew he had a point, though she wished he didn't.

Dorian's voice brought her out of her train of thought, "Those were lyrium markings he had, yeah? I knew of a few magisters that did that to some of their slaves. Ghastly, if you ask me."

Ellie nodded mutely towards him, unsure how he could seem so unfazed by what just happened considering it, in part, was an attack on him.

He stroked his chin thoughtfully before he spoke again, "So let me get this straight. He's a handsome, overly serious warrior who has a strong hatred for mages because of the horrors he's been subjected to at the hands of magic and a history with lyrium? My my, you do have a type, don't you?"

The blonde let out a groan at the Tevinter's implication. How he always managed to find a way to tease her about Cullen in all of this, she had no idea. She gave him a gentle shove as she walked past him, privately dreading the fact that she now had to confront the man who had caused her so much pain. Ellie made her way towards her quarters as she braced herself for how this conversation could turn out.


	21. Chapter 21: Turning Tables

**Thanks to everyone who has read up to this point. I'm a little nervous about this chapter so if anyone has any feedback at all, good or bad, it's much appreciated.**

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Ellie ascended the stairs to her quarters slowly, biding her time before the inevitable showdown between her and Fenris. The adrenaline was still flowing through her veins from what had transpired on the rooftop outside just a few moments ago. She had no idea how two of the most mentally and physically tough men she had ever met were so quickly reduced to bickering children. Over _her,_ no less.

_Ugh, men… _

The Herald didn't even want to think about what could have happened had she not intervened when she did.

Fenris may have been someone she cared for deeply in the past, though the hurt he inflicted changed that, but she still did not want to his blood to paint the walls. Ellie had spent many, many moons wishing she had never met Fenris, that she had never fallen for him. There were times when she was truly convinced that she hated him for what he put her through.

But not once did Ellie ever wish him harm. He had been hurt, abused and mistreated too much in his past for her to want that thrust on him again. But she knew that was no reason to justify what he did to her. She would have been more than content to let him live his life in peace and far, far away from her.

And after all this time, here he was. Walking right back into her life and actually having the audacity to judge her, to look down on her, to dictate who she does or doesn't have in her life now. But even then, Ellie couldn't bring herself to see him suffer at the hands of one of her people.

_At the hands of her Commander. _

She grimaced at the thought, lips pursing into a thin line. There was a hefty part of her that was flattered by what Cullen was trying to do. The fact that he was willing to get in a physical fight to defend her honor and rights made her admiration for him swell and her stomach tighten with a hope of what that might mean.

But she didn't confide her past to him so he could fight her battles for her. While it was an act of kindness, from what Ellie could tell, there was no reason she could think of for it to get as carried away as it did. Even by the time Ellie was present, he still argued with Fenris for her. She may have felt woefully unprepared when she first joined the Inquisition, but she ever since she had left home she had to be independent and self-reliant. She could take care of herself.

That wasn't what irked her, though. What bothered her was that Cullen was blindly willing to risk his safety for a fight that wasn't his. The Inquisition needed Cullen, their army needed him.

_I need him… _Ellie admitted to herself.

That thought terrified her. She had never admitted to needing anyone before and worked her ass off to prove it. But the mere inkling of losing Cullen now scared her so much. Especially when it wasn't necessary. She was very sure that he could handle himself in a brawl with Fenris, but it was still a risk she didn't want to have to take.

Between Cullen fighting her fight, Ellie knowing she needed that man like she had never needed anyone before, and him being so ignorant of that fact that he put himself in a position where there was a possibility that she could lose him… All of that combined pissed Ellie off like there was no tomorrow.

So when the blonde finally arrived at her quarters to the sight of her brooding ex-lover sitting on her desk with an open bottle of wine in his hand, she was in no mood to mince words.

"What in th Void was that, Fenris?" She snapped at him as he took a swig from the bottle.

He didn't respond right away, his lips still eagerly attached to the wine bottle, gulping the fermented liquid as if he had been thirsting for days. Ellie rolled her eyes, crossing her arms as she waited for the man to be gracious enough to answer. When he was finished, he lowered the bottle from his mouth and used his free, gauntlet covered hand to wipe away any residual wine that didn't quite make it down his throat.

When he finally seemed to regard the woman who was growing increasingly impatient, the icy, disdainful countenance that was so usual for him made it's way visibly across his features. His emerald eyes narrowed, glaring at Ellie through the white hair that fell in his face.

"I should be asking you that question," his voice was level but bitter as he continued,  
"An Tevinter mage? Really?"

"Yes, really," Ellie fought back, matching his tone, "He didn't choose where he was born or what abilities he was born with. He's not like them."

Fenris slid off her desk taking a step towards her, "Isn't he? They're all the same. He may seem like he has good intentions now, but you of all people should know how dangerous he is. And yet you welcome him here as your companion and friend. By the looks of things, he's more to you than that."

His implication made Ellie's blood boil, since it only confirmed his sense of undeserved jealousy. This time, Ellie was the one who took a step forward towards the elf, losing any desire she may have had to keep this confrontation the least bit civil.

"How dare you! Not that it's _any _of _your_ business, but Dorian is just my friend, he's my closest friend and is currently the person I trust most in this world. Once upon a time, that person was you," by her last scathing word Ellie had placed herself right in front of Fenris, who truthfully was the person she once trusted most. At that time he was the only person she had trusted.

Apparently her words somehow hit home with the man before her and his eyes that had held so much hate towards her softened ever so slightly. Yet he remained silent as their gazes stayed locked on each other.

When he didn't speak, Ellie thought to the question that had been on her mind since their encounter on the roof, the one that could answer so many things for her all at once. They remained like that for another moment, unmoving and staring into each other's eyes in a silent stand-off yet willing that somehow they could know the other's thoughts without having to actually utter the words that had been unspoken between them for so long.

"Why do you even care?" Her words were nothing more than a whisper but what they meant spoke volumes.

Conflict was evident on the elf's face as he tried to come up with an answer that wouldn't be too damning. He clenched his eyes tightly for a second but upon opening them his face simultaneously morphed back into his signature scowl. "Because I thought you knew better."

Ellie huffed a sardonic laugh at his obvious deflection, "You know, I thought I did too. Before I met you, I knew better than to let myself care that deeply about anyone, let alone someone like you. I guess I let both of us down."

"Someone like me?" Fenris repeated incredulously, his voice amping up an octave and dripping with venom, "By all means tell me who someone _like me _is.

"Someone who leaves, someone who abandons people. You abandoned the Fog Warriors after you killed them, and you left your master after that. You leave people, Fenris." Ellie knew full well that was a low blow, but right now she didn't care. She had been hurt by him enough. She could return the favor.

Fenris didn't even wince at those words, if they had any affect, they just added to the fervor in his voice. "Can you blame me for leaving Denarius?"

"No, but I can blame you for leaving me," she answered with a finality that left that man in front of her stunned temporarily. She took that as her opportunity to finally go for the jugular in the whole conversation. "I want to know why. Why did you leave me?"

The elf's expression changed into something completely unreadable. As far as Ellie was concerned, there wasn't a good enough reason he could give. She wasn't ignorant nor daft; she knew that not every couple lasted, that the fanciful tales of 'happily ever afters' that were written about in children's books seldom happened in real life. But there was more to Ellie's sorrow than Fenris knew and nothing he could say would change that or alleviate it.

Fenris sighed and took another quick swig of his wine, apparently finishing the bottle because he then set it on the desk behind him. He cast his eyes downward and shifted his foot a little, a gesture that Ellie knew he did when he felt vulnerable.

"Because I couldn't stay," he emitted softly, "When we met, I had just escaped from Denarius. If I would have stayed, we would have been on the run for the rest of our lives. I couldn't keep running. I needed to face him myself and until I knew he was dead, I would have always been hunted, I would have always been his slave."

Despite herself, Ellie could feel her resolve to be unforgiving slip just a little at his admission. She knew that his master would continuously try to hunt him down, that they would always be running unless he fought for his freedom. But her life at that point had consisted of never staying in one place for long anyways. She wouldn't have been sacrificing a stability because it didn't exist for her anyways. She would have gladly given up her future to be with him.

_But then I wouldn't have ended up at the Conclave or the Inquisition, _she realized.

Now she couldn't fathom her life without the Inquisition. It had been less than a year yet this cause and the people supporting it felt like home to her. Home had been such a foreign concept to her but now that she had it, she didn't want to give it up. All of the responsibility that fell on her after the Anchor became fastened to her hand was beyond stressful and daunting. Yet, she was happy here. She had a true purpose that hadn't existed for her until now and a number of people that seemed to genuinely care for her.

Deep down, Ellie knew she was better off with having been set on this path. The path that she wouldn't have even been close to if she would have stayed with Fenris. She knew it seemed beyond selfish of her to still sometimes wish that Fenris would have stayed. But Ellie knew the truth, the cause of the real pain that she had been dealt when he left. It was something that went above both of them but was the secret Ellie kept closer to her than anything. Somehow, though, she knew that it wouldn't be her secret much longer.

"Fenris, I cared for you. I would have helped you," Ellie told him honestly, hoping she could use that to distract herself from letting her secret bubble out.

The elf's face twisted into something else then. It wasn't the normal anger or loathing look he had. To Ellie, it looked almost more like guilt. "And I cared for you, Ellie. I don't even want to think of the man I would have turned into if it wasn't for you. But until I was a free man, I was not worthy of you."

The Herald's hands rubbed her face in anguish as so many unexpected and unwanted emotions started surfacing in her. She had suppressed her feelings for so long that the second a little of it slipped out, the rest came barrelling with it as well. Her brows knit tightly as she raised her eyes back up to meet his with reaction she couldn't control.

"It wasn't about me, Fenris," as soon as the words left her lips that were now trembling ever so slightly, she knew that her vow of secrecy to herself was doomed, "You didn't just leave me behind."

The elf looked at her cautiously, "What are you saying, Ellie?"

She felt as though she was going to burst at that moment, all of the years of pain raking through her body, knowing she had to come clean. She was terrified of what would happen when she did. Not only would the truth she had fought years to keep hidden come to light, but the overwhelming sense of failure and unworthiness that would come with it; not just because she would feel that but she wouldn't be surprised if Fenris felt the same about her once he found out.

Ellie took a very deep breath, attempting to somehow steady her body that was now shaking. How three little words could hold so much weight and cause the Herald of Andraste the worst anxiety she'd ever experienced, she had no idea. But there was no turning back now, she knew that.

She clenched her eyes tightly shut, her voice no more than a whisper, "I was pregnant."

A painful silence followed. She was expecting his anger to blaze, for him to throw questions at her or for him to just leave. But none of that happened. She didn't hear the door open or shut, she didn't hear footsteps, she couldn't even hear him breathing. Curious, Ellie hesitantly opened her eyes to see Fenris still in front of her looking as him someone had given him a hard blow to the stomach and knocked the wind out of him. His eyes were wide in disbelief and it took him some time before he could seem to get any words out.

"Y-you were… What?"

For the first time since she learned of her brother's passing, Ellie felt tears well up but she steeled herself to not let them fall. She refused to let him see her so weak. "I was pregnant," she reiterated, her voice wavering despite her wanting to sound strong.

Hearing the words again didn't seem to lessen the affect it had on Fenris, "You were... It was mine? How could that happen?"

Ellie couldn't help the slight smirk that made its way across her lips at the last question though it was less than appropriate considering the seriousness of their conversation "I shouldn't have to explain _how _that happens to someone," she replied quietly with a natural sarcasm in her tone. She paused then as the lighthearted comment didn't seem to ease the elf at all, "And yes, of course it was yours."

He moved a couple steps back from her in that moment, confusion still evident on his features. Then suddenly his vibrant green orbs locked on hers and his mouth curved into a snarl.

_Here we go.. _Ellie thought as she braced herself to be at mercy to his temper.

"Why didn't you tell me before?" He demanded, distrust laced in his tone though it was not as hateful as she expected.

Ellie sighed and pursed her lips before answering, "Because I didn't know. I found out a couple days after you left."

Apparently her honesty did not satisfy him. "And you didn't think to track me down?"

A bitter laugh came from the blonde, "Of course I did. I just didn't think it would have made you stay."

"Of course it would have!" The elf snapped, his voice raising and finally carrying some of the anger that Ellie had been expecting, "It would have changed everything."

That admission was something that Ellie had not exactly been expecting, however. There was some part of her that did think that had she found Fenris and told him, he would have put the needs of their child first. She didn't think Fenris was heartless enough to abandon his own child. She didn't think he was heartless at all. Just broken, lost and confused. But as always, the optimistic scenario was the one that Ellie had dwelled on the least.

Her attention was drawn back to a flash of white as Fenris whipped his head around, as if searching for something. Apparently not finding whatever he was looking for, he turned his gaze back to Ellie, his expression more even this time though his eyebrow was quirked up.

"I see no signs of a child here," he observed, "What happened to the baby?"

He almost sounded genuinely concerned. Between his seldom-seen compassion and the answer to his question, Ellie felt herself to be on the verge of crying again. It was a pain that she didn't think she could ever properly verbalize or explain. Her face scrunched and despite all of the resolve she had built up, she felt a few of the tears free themselves of her eyes and trickle down her cheeks.

She knew that Fenris wouldn't settle for a half-truth with this. She couldn't simply tell him that it was gone and expect him to accept it. Even after all this time, she knew him better than that. She inhaled, trying to quell her emotions enough to answer his question properly.

"About a month after you left, I had taken a job that should've been really simple. Ivan Wolfe was his name. Some noble wanted him dead because he was involved with his daughter and apparently he wasn't up to daddy's standards. Easy, petty stuff but it paid well," she started, launching into the story though she could already sense Fenris' unease, "Apparently this suitor was actually a fairly big player in the local smuggling business. Even though I went after him knowing that, he proved to be a better fighter than I realized and he had brought friends that were eager to help him. I was in way over my head. I still am shocked I even made it out with my life." Ellie's voice began to crack now, reliving the hurt and shame that welled up in her, "He threw me off of a balcony and left me for dead. It wasn't that high luckily, but with the way I fell… The baby didn't make it."

The tears flowed freely from Ellie's eyes at that point. She had never really thought herself much for mother material, especially considering her lifestyle and poor relationship with her own mother. But when she had lost that child, though she was alone and was terrified at the thought of how to provide and care for it, it took everything in her to keep going after that. She was devastated in a way that she couldn't even begin to make sense of.

Ellie was so lost in her own emotions she hadn't even noticed the pained look on Fenris. It wasn't until all of a sudden she felt his tattooed arms wrap around her torso, pulling her body close to his that she remembered that he was even there. He held her as her body started quaking, finally giving into her overwhelming grief that she had been keeping bottled for so long.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered gently into her hair as she sobbed into his chest.

They stayed like that for some time, Fenris comforting her as he tried to work through his own feelings. When he felt that she was somewhat stabilized, he let her be alone. She didn't know what to do after this point, as far as Fenris was concerned. His sympathy was not what she had anticipated but it was exactly what she had needed all this time.

It was unspoken, though obvious between them, that this revelation was something only the two of them were aware of. If there was one thing Ellie could count on with her former lover, it was that he kept things to himself. Sure, he had told Hawke something about their past but chances are he only did that because it was a relavant conflict of interest in coming to Skyhold.

Admittedly, she felt a sense of relief now that he knew. It in some ways, even cleared the air between the two. Things didn't feel fully resolved. But she felt more at peace with him somehow now that they both knowingly shared this loss.

But Ellie was in no shape emotionally to leave her quarters the rest of the day unless the situation was absolutely dire. She sat and poured out all of her residual sadness, occasionally puttering around her room when she got restless or needed a break from crying.

To her surprise, no one had bothered her the rest of the day either, something she was grateful for. She thought if anyone, Dorian would check on her but he gave her space. She wondered at many times the rest of that day if she should tell anyone else about her loss but she ultimately decided against it for now. It was still far too painful and now the one person other than her who deserved to know had been told. Truthfully she did have people within the Inquisition she felt she could trust with it, people who would genuinely care. Dorian, obviously being at the top of that list but both Varric and Cullen were on it as well.

She was scared to know what her Commander would think, though. Her mind twisted itself in a way that almost convinced her that he would for some reason think less of her for it.

Besides, it's not like it was relevant to anyone in her company at the moment. Her past relationship with Fenris was easily justified as being something a few people should know about if they were to work together. But losing her child? No. That didn't need to come out to anyone but the people directly involved.

Her mind flicked back to Cullen though and how maybe one day it might be something he should know about. A part of her was so hopeful that what they had would become more, that he might actually feel for her what she did for him. As her emotions softened from their last encounter on the roof, she felt a sharp pang of guilt for how she treated him. He wasn't just a the Inquisition's Commander to her. First and foremost, that's what they needed. But he was so much more beyond that title and what she had said to him didn't reflect that at all.

It was times like that when she didn't know how anyone trusted her to lead this movement, not when she made decisions and said things that were hurtful in the heat of the moment. She sighed as she resolved to apologize to Cullen when they returned from the journey they left for at first light. Ellie prayed their trip to Orlais didn't take as long as they had expected.


	22. Chapter 22: Lonely Boy

**Hello! A big thanks to everyone who keeps reading this! I was so nervous to post this story originally but those fears have since been banished thanks to all of you. I will give you fair warning, this is probably my last update for the next two weeks or so since I'm getting married this weekend (yay!) and then I'm off on my honeymoon. So you patience until I can update again will be most appreciated.**

**Onward**

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The flickering candles that illuminated the room were the only sources of light in Cullen's office for hours. The Commander was hunched over his desk, surrounded by stacks of paperwork all around him. His mind was desperately trying to keep him focused on something productive. He scrawled his neat yet masculine signature on another report before he leaned back in his chair a little and rolled his shoulders a few times, easing some of the tension that had built up from being in that sitting position for so long. When he raised his head along with the movement, he noticed through the window that the inky night sky was getting tinted with a light blue on the horizon.

He let out a strangled exhale as he came to the realization that he had worked through the night. Again. Sleep had become Cullen's enemy. Granted, in the last decade, sleep hadn't been his friend either. But now it was getting far worse.

Tonight he had actually attempted to sleep, but woke up within a few hours in a cold sweat. His nightmares haunted his subconscious in ways he didn't think was possible. But this latest development made his stomach churn. He had almost gotten used to the fragments of memories of what happened at the Circle Tower, distorting and twisting themselves in his dreams. It was never pleasant but he was beginning to know what to expect at least. The abominations that tortured him in the Tower would plague his mind each night, taunting him with the memories of his friends in the Order who were slaughtered right in front of him and the demons would taunt him with illusions of _her. _Sienna Amell.

The young circle mage had bewitched him in every way possible all those years ago. Any interaction with her ended up turning him into a blushing, stuttering fool. The embarrassment of it almost made him want to avoid her completely, but he could never bring himself stay far away. He always felt compelled to make sure she was safe and looked after. Cullen knew that the chances of anything happening between them were practically impossible since she was one of his charges and he tried countless times to convince himself to let it go. But then she would smile at him, or say something nice and he would be tripping over himself every single time. Sure, he was barely twenty at the time and had spent the last seven years in the Chantry. But he had bedded a couple women already by that time, though those encounters were strictly sex and not mixed with any kind of attachment, so he couldn't for the life of him figure out what it was about her that turned him into a mess.

So when the Tower had become overrun with blood magic and the abominations that came with it that fateful night, those demons knew exactly who to use against him. And it worked. It worked very well.

Now he wishes that he could forget about her, that her memory could be left in peace. But his mind ripped open that wound nearly every night in the last ten years without fail and with the lyrium withdrawal, every nightmare seemed infinitely more vivid.

But in the last few nights, that had changed. Instead of seeing the deep auburn hair and sea green eyes that belonged to the mage, it was replaced with ashy blonde hair and silver eyes. The demons in his mind had twisted his worst nightmares and altered them to replace Sienna with Ellie. The very thought of her being subjected to any one of the horrible things that happened that night made Cullen's skin crawl.

Thus, he had been doing his best to avoid sleep at all costs. He would try getting a little, here and there. Just enough to make him feel a tiny more rested, but not enough that he would start dreaming. He knew he would burn himself out eventually. But right now he couldn't stomach anything else.

Luckily, there was enough paperwork to keep him steadily busy through his sleep deprived nights. When he ran out of reports to sift through, letters to action, maps to study and schematics to approve, he would meticulously organize the guard routes and go through requisition and inventory lists. For once, he was happy to have an endless amount of desk work.

His restless mind drifted to the beautiful woman whose appearances in his dreams made him ill at ease. He wondered what it meant that his subconscious decided to use her as bait instead of Sienna.

_Because she's the only woman you've cared for since then, _his brain chided and he rolled his eyes.

He didn't entirely want to admit that yet. That he cared for yet another woman who he couldn't have. But even Cullen couldn't ignore the fact that Ellie seemed to hold him on a separate level than the rest of her colleagues. She even flat out told him that she trusted him. The thought of that made the Commander's heart swell. He knew that she was a private person and that she didn't often confide in people. To be one of the very few she would reach out to made something stir in Cullen that he wasn't sure he had felt before.

Rubbing the back of his neck, he remembered exactly what it was that she had confessed to him. When she had told him about her previous romantic involvement with Fenris, he instantly felt he had taken a physical blow. He couldn't stomach the thought of her being with anyone else, though he was fully aware how stupid and unwarranted his jealousy was. He had just barely admitted to himself that he thought of Ellie as someone more to him than a leader and a friend and yet some twisted part of his mind thought she belonged only with him, the man who's so broken he tried pushing her away. Not only that, but he didn't really know how she felt towards him. There were hints, yes, but nothing solid to confirm what she might be thinking. The hard truth of it was that as much as he wanted it, she was not his.

_I'm her military commander, that's all… _he reminded himself, reflecting on the last thing she had said to him before she left for the Exalted Plains a couple weeks ago.

The implication of those words stung him more than he cared to admit. He knew that getting into a spat with Fenris was ill-advised but he couldn't listen to him disrespect her like that and not step in. He could have handled it better, he knew that, but he did it because he cared. But the hurt she had in her eyes when Ellie had come between himself and the elf pierced Cullen to the core. And when she voiced exactly what she wanted from him, a commander and that's all, he cursed himself for getting so carried away. Not only with Fenris but also in his feelings for Ellie. He had come so far since Kinloch Hold and Kirkwall. He didn't want to risk jeopardizing his role and title because of his personal feelings for her.

Still, a part of him desperately longed for her to come back to Skyhold so he knew she was safe. Until then, he would bide his time by burying himself in his work.

He was extremely grateful that the day she left, Hawke and Fenris had departed as well. And that they were going in opposite directions. Through Cassandra though he found out that Ellie and her party would eventually meet Hawke and Fenris in Crestwood to follow up on a lead regarding Corypheus' alleged demon army. But at least now he didn't have to worry about having another run-in with the elf.

He had no idea what had become of Ellie and Fenris' private discussion to hash out their past, but Cullen very distinctly remembered hearing that Ellie didn't leave her quarters the rest of the day, though apparently Fenris had left which gave the Commander significant relief. He also recalled watching from a section of the battlements directly adjacent to his office as Ellie and her crew left the next morning. Even though he was observing from afar, he could easily notice the change in her normally cheerful demeanour. She had barely said a word to anyone that he saw, she simply loaded up her things and waited to depart with Dorian, Iron Bull and Varric.

According to the reports he had received from Scout Harding, they should be back any day. Cullen was anxious, though he knew it was foolish, for the door to swing open and Ellie to be there to greet him happily. That wouldn't happen though and Cullen had no idea why his mind would allow himself to be set up for that kind of disappointment.

Suddenly though, his door did swing open and Cullen's head snapped up and his veins were flooded with a feeling of hope that his wish might actually be coming true. But instead of the open door revealing the beauty that was Ellie Trevelyan, the Commander was instead met with the sight of his second, Lieutenant Rylen. A noticeable frown graced his features as the Lieutenant strode towards him.

"What?" Cullen growled, though the unfriendly tone did not seem to faze Rylen.

The man in second command had become accustomed to his superior's frequent mood swings and irritability, especially in the last few weeks. Rylen was one of the few who knew about Cullen's lyrium withdrawal, though he had only been told not too long ago. The Commander had a feeling that Rylen had known before Cullen had actually said it outright but the Lieutenant was respectful and taciturn enough not to verbalize his suspicions beforehand. It was one of the things Cullen admired about him so much.

"Report for you, Commander. The one from Lady Montilyet you've been waiting for," the Lieutenant informed as he handed over a piece of rolled vellum.

Cullen snatched it hastily from the other man's hand, irritated at both his interrupting presence and the fact that he had been waiting for this report since yesterday and it was just getting to him now. "What took so long?" he snapped.

Again, the Lieutenant shrugged off the hostility knowing that deep down it wasn't meant to be aimed at him. "She did not say, but she did offer an apology for the delay."

The Commander grumbled a reply as he dismissed Rylen. As soon as the Starkhaven-born man left his office, Cullen almost instantly felt guilty for being so harsh on him. It wasn't his fault that the report was late, nor was it his fault that he was impatiently waiting for Ellie return and it certainly wasn't his fault that his withdrawal symptoms were taking a turn for the worst.

Cullen could feel his skin crawling, itching to have a dose of lyrium. He hated the feeling, he hated everything that came with letting go of this ridiculous addiction. His body hurt, his mind was becoming clouded and he feared that it was only a matter of time before the Inquisition started suffering because of his state.

_I should take it… _

He glanced towards his lyrium kit that was sitting on the bookshelf to his right. It was practically singing to him even though there was no actual lyrium in it at the moment. Rising from his desk, he retrieved the wooden box, the one he had had since he was fully admitted into the Order. Cautiously he opened the box, staring longingly at the philter that he so desperately wanted to use right now.

His brain screamed at him to refrain from resorting back to using the substance that had controlled him for so many years. He remembered a time when he could barely get out of bed before preparing and taking his draught. But as soon as his mind drifted back to his former life as a Templar, he was instantly reminded of the corruption that went along with it. He couldn't go back to that life or what it stood for now.

But Cullen truly felt like he couldn't continue like this. He was running on empty and everyone around him knew it and were no doubt suffering because of it. He refused to have committed to this cause just to ruin it because of his weakness.

_No. The Inquisition must take priority._

With that resolve firmly established in his mind, he set off to go find Cassandra and ask for a replacement. She wasn't in the training yard like she normally was during the day. Instead he found her in the armory inspecting the new batch of swords that had just been smithed. He was sure that she noticed his presence but she made no indication of it until she spoke to him.

"Considering the influx of recruits we've had since reaching Skyhold, I'm impressed that we've been able to keep up with the amount of weapons and armor we have needed. You keep the army running smoothly, Commander," she stated in her usual matter-of-fact tone.

_I fear I will not be able to keep it running smoothly much longer._

"The Inquisition has managed to acquire talented smiths. It is their doing, not mine," he deflected.

He watched as the Seeker ran her hand over one of the sword's leather-bound pommels, "You do not forge the equipment, no. But you have forged the army."

Cullen wasn't sure why Cassandra was all of a sudden in such a complimentary mood but his eyebrows knit together in mild annoyance. He knew he needed to just get this over with. He felt almost hesitant but to his surprise his voice came out firm, "I do not think it would be wise for me to continue to do so. I would ask that you recommend a replacement for me."

At that, the woman turned to look at him sharply, "Absolutely not. There is no need."

Cullen let out an exasperated sigh; he was fearing this reaction, "It's getting out of control. I cannot – I will not – let the Inquisition suffer. We had a deal."

"We did have a deal," Cassandra countered, matching his tone and crossing her arms, "You do not need to be relieved from your position. The Inquisition's army is still flourishing under your command."

The Commander's forehead creased and a visible scowl came across his face, "And what happens when that is no longer the case? Do you want to take that risk?"

"It's a risk I'm willing to take because I strongly believe there is very little risk. I know you are suffering, Cullen but you are holding together better than anyone I've ever seen dealing with lyrium withdrawal. If anyone can get through this, it's you. I knew that when we met in Kirkwall."

Her confidence in him, though he was convinced it was unwarranted, did little to soften his statue, "Then you were wrong."

"I wasn't," Cassandra stated simply, "You give yourself too little credit. And you have people to lean on when the load becomes too much to bear. The Inquisitor, perhaps?"

Cullen glared at the woman.

_How could she know?_

"I highly doubt that," he muttered disdainfully.

He could see Cassandra roll her eyes, "Trust me. She cares deeply about about your well-being. Especially regarding this. She's already approached me to make sure I thought you were doing alright and to see if there was anything she could do to help."

Amber eyes locked onto Cassandra's darker ones, a begrudging hope taking root in his stomach. If what she said was right, the sentiment made Cullen's heart soar. Ellie probably knew that he would never want to show her how much he was truly suffering, he didn't want to risk her disappointment. But regardless, there was very little she could do to ease his circumstance.

With Cullen's silence, Cassandra spoke up again, "She arrived back less than an hour ago. Talk to her. But I will not find a replacement for you when it is not necessary."

With her final words, the Seeker left Cullen alone to stew in the armory. He had been so wrapped up in his own misery that he hadn't even realized Ellie had finally returned. That knowledge made him both elated and terrified. He was relieved to know that the woman who had managed to be the very centre of his mind and heart was finally back in Skyhold, safe and sound. He was dreading the conversation he was about to have with her knowing that it could be the last one he ever had with her.

If Cassandra would not permit him to be relieved of his position, than perhaps Ellie could override her opinion, perhaps she could save him from putting the Inquisition and herself in danger with his clouded mind. Mustering up what courage and resolve he had left, he set out of the armory to find Ellie.


	23. Chapter 23: Gone Too Far

**I'm back! I just want to say a BIG thank you to everyone who has read/followed/favorited/reviewed this story, even in my little absence. Also I'm extremely appreciative of all you who wished me well on my big day. It went off without a hitch and now... I am hitched. Woo! **

**Onward!**

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Ellie's entire body ached and she couldn't remember a time when she felt so exhausted. They had just arrived back to Skyhold after spending weeks in the Exalted Plains. They were supposed to make a quick stop in Emprise Du Lion but their tasks at the Exalted Plains ended up taking far longer than she had anticipated and they ended up getting involved in far more danger. They even had a tangle with a High Dragon, to Bull's delight, and managed to come out victorious though not completely unscathed. Dorian got pretty beat up during the fight and Ellie dislocated her shoulder at one point when the dragon flung her across the swampy area. Luckily, they had enough healing potions to get them through but the Inquisitor would be quite satisfied for the rest of her life if she never had to go back to the Plains ever again.

Not to mention they rode for three days straight just to get back to Skyhold, only stopping for a couple hours at a time. All of them could barely stand by now. She even had to get Krem to help her up the stairs to her quarters because her legs were so wobbly.

One of her maids was kind and thoughtful enough to have a hot bath waiting for her upon arrival and Ellie wasted no time peeling off her clothes and sinking into its warmth. Without bothering to clean herself off right away, she simply revelled in the soothing affects the water had on her skin, the aromatic bubbles completely covering the surface of the water, and her eyes fluttered closed almost instantly as the tiniest smile of relief appeared on her face.

Unfortunately she only got a few short moments of relaxation and solitude because she heard the door to her quarters open and shut loud enough to make it seem that whoever had entered could care less about being quiet and considerate. Her smile turning into a frown, she lazily opened her eyes to see a familiar blonde elf standing in her room.

If it were almost anyone else, Ellie would feel beyond awkward and uncomfortable being in a bath while someone else was in the room. And even though Sera preferred Ellie's gender and she threw sexual innuendos around frequently, the Herald was confident that Sera would never take things further without Ellie's consent. Besides, thanks to the bubbles in her bath, the only thing anyone could see of Ellie was from her shoulders and up.

The archer stood in front of the copper basin Ellie was in, hands on her hip and looking a bit ticked though there was a hint of mischief in her eyes.

"Right. It's about time you got back, yeah? I have a bone to pick with you."

Ellie let out a low chuckle, "Doesn't everyone?"

Sera took another step forward, "You have to do something about mister grumpy pants."

"Who?" Ellie asked with her eye brow raised. She always found the elf's manner of speaking rather amusing and unlike most people she could understand it well enough but right now she had no idea who she was referring to.

Sera crossed her arms and let out an exasperated huff, "Sorry, I mean Commander grumpy pants."

"Cullen is… Grumpy?" The Inquisitor asked, not entirely sure what Sera wanted her to do about it if that were the case.

"Ever since you left, he's been walkin' around like he has a friggin' storm cloud hoverin' over his head. What happened?"

Ellie was slightly taken aback by her words, "Why do you expect me to know?"

The archer let out a scoff followed by a small giggle, "Oh please, everyone knows. You have a thing for each other. His thing and your thing doing things." At the end of her sentence the elf let out a hysterical laugh.

Her eyes almost popped out of Ellie's skull, "Our… Things are not doing anything together."

"Right," Sera drawled sarcastically, "Well, your loss I suppose. Or his. Either way, you like him and he likes you. Now you two just need to get to the naughty bits."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Ellie grumbled in response, hating that so many people could apparently read her like a book. And she refused to accept that Cullen felt the same way. Unless she heard it from him, of course. And even then she wasn't sure if she would believe it.

Sera looked at her expectantly, "Whatever you say. Anyways, Commander grumpy pants has had his knickers in a knot since you left and you need to do something about it."

"And what do you suppose I should do?" Ellie asked ever curious to what the response would be.

At Ellie's display of interest in her grandiose plan, the elf gave her a cheeky grin, "Pranks!"

"You want me to go pull a prank on him? I think that would make him more cranky."

Sera shrugged off her answer, "It couldn't hurt to try, yeah? To remind him he's still people."

Ellie had to admit, pulling a prank on Cullen would be pretty funny. She thought about how controlled and disciplined he always was and loosening that up would be amusing. Though she wasn't sure how he would take it. She knew that under his armor and composed exterior, the man had a sense of humor. But with how they left things before she went, she wasn't sure if he would see that humor.

She still felt a huge pang of regret regarding what she had said to Cullen. As soon as she was rested, that would be the first thing she would address. It felt like they had just reached a breakthrough in their relationship by being open with each other. She didn't want to ruin that because of some misspoken, untrue words that were said in the heat of the moment. The Herald could only hope that she wasn't the reason he had been a noticeable grouch since she left. If Sera could tell, she could only imagine what his men were dealing with. Yes, she would go see him first thing in the morning.

"Fine, we'll go prank Cullen. But can it wait until tomorrow? I'm exhausted," Ellie conceded, earning a smile from Sera.

"Really? I didn't think you actually would say yes. But it's important to cheer up Commander grumpy pants, innit? You know that, of course you know that cause you're into him."

The woman in the bathtub frowned. "I am not," she said defensively, even though she know it was a big fat lie.

"Right. Whatever. I think you're a cagey, boxed up, kissy romantic under all that Inquizzy armor stuff. You just won't admit it. Sorry to hear it though. Anyways, come see me tomorrow or I'll drag you out by your breeches."

With that the elf left Ellie's quarter, leaving her to contemplate what she had just gotten herself into. She had a fondness for Sera, admired how she went from being an orphan on the streets of Ferelden to being an incredible marksman who always fought to help those who were less fortunate. She tended to be a bit flighty and had a mouth so vulgar it would put the dirtiest of men to shame, but she wanted to help even if just to get things back to normal. The elf, though, had a certain hankering for making people seem like people, not just symbols or titles. Ellie knew that pulling a practical joke on the other leaders in the Inquisition helped the masses see them as living, breathing, normal people just like them and things like that strengthened moral considerably.

Ellie wasn't sure how things were going to play out with Cullen when she went to see him and apologize tomorrow morning, but pulling a little joke on him couldn't hurt, right? Or it could send their relationship back a couple notches if he really was as cranky as Sera made him out to be. She resolved to feel out how he seemed tomorrow and decide from there if pranking him would really be the wisest thing to do. And potentially just ask him what's bothering him. Ellie could only hope she wasn't actually the cause.

Now that she finally had the bathroom to herself, the Inquisitor hurried to finish her bath. What solace she could have had while relaxing in the warm water was squashed with Sera's friendly interruption. She was beyond eager to get into her soft bed that was getting more enticing by the second.

Lazily drying herself off, she slipped on her sleeping clothes which consisted of a men's short-sleeved shirt and some cotton shorts. She hated being too warm when she slept and despite the stone interior of her room and the chilly temperatures outside, the thick fur-lined comforter she had on her bed kept her a little too on the hot side while sleeping. She often contemplated the thought of sleeping with no clothes on to combat the heat but she was a little too worried that someone may enter her quarters unexpectedly. As Sera confirmed already today.

Shuffling her tired feet towards her bed, Ellie stretched, letting out a languid yawn. Just before she flopped onto her comfy bed, she heard someone rapping at her door.

Not again… Ellie groaned at the thought of another person coming to see her when she so desperately just wanted to rest. Her body and mind craved rest even though it was technically late afternoon still, she knew she could fall asleep now and not wake until dawn if she was able.

Apparently her long-awaited sleep would have to wait though as she begrudgingly told whoever was at her door to enter. She ran her hands down her face in a feeble attempt at wiping away the fatigue. The woman honestly didn't give a nug's ass what she looked like right now to whoever was coming into her quarters. Her sleeping attire hung off her loosely, her wet blonde locks fell down to her waist, dampening the fabric beneath it, her face was free of any kind of cosmetics and exhaustion was no doubt rampant across her features. As far as Ellie was concerned, it didn't matter what she looked like if someone was willing to barge in on her when she had just arrived back from her long journey.

But as she saw the familiar golden curls, the brown leather under metal armor, and the tell-tale fur pauldrons that belonged to one person only, she immediately realized that it absolutely _did_ matter what she looked like to the man entering the room. Her silver eyes were as wide as saucers as he neared her. His features though seemed to be conflicted and his amber orbs were cast away from her.

Ellie awkwardly fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, gnawing on her lower lip out the anxiety of what his reaction would be when he saw her in her more natural state.

"Inquisitor, there is a matter I need to discuss with you urgently," he said curtly, still not meeting her gaze.

She inwardly flinched when he had used her title instead of her name. In front of others, especially troops and those who worked under them, she knew that the formality of calling her by her title was necessary to enforce her leadership. But when they were alone he had finally adapted to calling her by her name, she revelled in the way he said it. For him to refuse that privilege now had her on edge because it made it abundantly clear that she had done far more damage than she meant. If it weren't for that and the guilt it brought, she would have corrected him. But she sensed the tension both in him and between them; now wasn't the time for that.

She swallowed hard before she spoke, "Of course."

It was then that he actually managed to look up at her. His eyes quickly darted over her figure, making her body slightly recoil with self-consciousness. Whatever he thought of her appearance did not change the turmoil that was written across his face. His eyebrows were furrowed tightly, his lips pursed in a thin line. Whatever it was that made him seem so upset, the expression he had almost translated into physical pain.

"I- I must ask," he started but then stopped, wincing momentarily before trying to regain his composure, "I must ask for a replacement."

Ellie gaped at him when those words fell from his mouth as one of her current fears was being realized. He was going to leave her.

She opened her mouth to voice a rejection, though she knew it was beyond selfish on her part when the man in front of her began to stagger. She rushed to his side, reaching out to steady him but by the time she got close enough to help him he collapsed completely, falling limp as she caught him and laid him gently down on the floor. She was in a state of panic, though she had calmly worked through more dangerous situations in her life.

The thought of losing Cullen at all was enough to make Ellie nauseous. To lose him like this, when he was clearly suffering pain would break her entirely.


	24. Chapter 24: Wake Me Up

**Thank you for reading!**

**I have a quick note/inquiry for all of you who are interested: I'm toying with the idea of starting another story that pairs Trevelyan and Alistair and am curious to see if anyone would interested in reading about those two. I find there is a severe lack of stories about the two, which is why I ask if there would be enough interest to warrant writing it. I have a few ideas that might make it plausible and I haven't decided whether it would be King Alistair or Warden Alistair but I thought I would get opinions before I really start brainstorming. Any feedback at all regarding this (reviews or PM's) would be greatly appreciated!**

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As Ellie set her Commander on the stone floor, two of her fingers pressed gently on his stubble-covered neck right below his jaw. She let out a shaky exhale of relief when she felt that he still had a pulse, though it was very fast. Ellie watched for a second as his chest rose and then fell, his breathing shallow.

In a fierce sprint, the Inquisitor ran out of her quarters, frantically searching for someone to heal the man laying on the floor of her room. All of the fatigue that had clouded her seemed to all but vanish as her adrenaline kicked her into high gear.

She entered the main hall, eyes roaming the space for anyone who might be able to help. The first person she saw that could be of any use was Vivienne who was speaking with some masked Orlesian noble. The mages eyes flicked over to the desperate-looking blonde and immediately bid adieu to whomever she was talking to and approached Ellie with the calm, graceful air that is typical of her.

"My dear, what ever is the matter?" the magic empowered woman asked quietly so as not to alert anyone near by.

Ellie hastily motioned for the mage to follow her, "I need your help. Please." Her voice was on the verge of sounding like she was begging, and in a lot of ways she practically was. Though Vivienne put on airs, Ellie knew that she wouldn't hesitate to offer her assistance which was proven when the mage, who had clearly sensed Ellie's distress, met the blonde's pace on their way back to her quarters.

The two wasted no time leaving the main hall then ascending the stone steps that led to the expanse of the room. Vivienne let out a small gasp at the scene before her. The Inquisition's military Commander was out cold on the floor.

"What happened?" the mage questioned as she started to conjure as much healing magic as she could muster.

"I- I don't know. He came in here saying he needed to speak to me and then he collapsed," Ellie blurted out in a rush, purposefully leaving out the part where Cullen had asked for a replacement. If he made it out of this, she could only hope that his request was the result of whatever caused his pain and collapse.

A glow filled the room as Vivienne worked her powers to aid the fallen Commander, "Go get Solas and Dorian for me, dear. I'm doing what I can to stabilize him right now but I'm going to need their help."

Paying no mind to how she was dressed or the fact that it was around dinner time, Ellie did as the mage asked and dashed back out of her quarters and ran full throttle towards Solas' study. The elf was working peacefully on the ever-growing mural that was beginning to cover the circular room. As soon as Ellie stepped foot into the bottom level of the tower, Solas craned his neck to see who was the cause of the intrusion.

Solas opened his mouth to speak, but Ellie beat him to the punch, her words falling from her mouth in an urgent tone and pace. "Solas, I need to you to get Dorian and come to my quarters right away. I don't have time to explain right now, please just hurry."

The elf nodded in understanding, though Ellie could tell his curiosity was ebbing away at him. He turned to go up the flight of stairs to where Dorian could usually be found. With him out of sight, she raced back to her room, hating that she had to leave Cullen's side twice since he had passed out.

When she arrived back, Vivienne looked like she hadn't even moved. She was still hovering over Cullen, magic seeping from her fingers. Ellie couldn't help but feel so incredibly helpless in all of this. There was almost nothing she could do to aid Cullen and the thought of that sickened her. As she watched the First Enchanter, Ellie remembered that she kept a stash of potions in the desk in her room for emergencies.

Striding over to her desk, she opened the bottom drawer to be met with the sight of a dozen or so little, glass bottles of various concoctions. Most of the them were healing potions and she took one of those out in case they could use it, but what she was really after was the couple lyrium potions she had as well. Ellie didn't really have use for the stuff, but she kept it on hand anyways. One can never be too prepared, as far as she was concerned.

With the bottles in hand, the blonde handed one to Vivienne just as the two male mages entered the room. Dorian looked genuinely surprised at the sight of the man lying motionless on the floor. Solas was as stoic as ever, but Ellie figured that if any of those three would have an idea of what happened to Cullen, it would be him.

Dorian silently joined the First Enchanter, enhancing the healing spells that she was casting. Ellie observed as Solas closed his eyes briefly, seemingly in thought, and then opened them again, his gaze falling on the blonde woman yet he remained quiet.

Her panic and fear getting the best of her, Ellie couldn't wait any longer for Solas to say whatever it was that he had discovered. "Please tell me he is going to be alright," her pleading voice was scarcely over a whisper and she begged the Maker, Andraste and any other deity she could think of to let the answer be affirmative.

"There is no doubt he is weak, but he seems to be stabilizing," Solas stated calmly, "Once Vivienne and Dorian steady his heart rate, he will likely just need a lot of rest before he makes a full recovery."

Ellie let go of a huge breath that she hadn't even been aware that she was holding. She was so relieved Solas believed Cullen would recover she had to fight back the urge to hug him. Instead, she gave Dorian and Vivienne the last of her lyrium supply and then faced Solas again, hoping he had some more answers for her. "Do you have any idea what may have caused him to pass out?"

Solas clasped his hands behind his back as he addressed her, his face expressionless, "It's hard to say that it was exactly one thing. If I had to guess, the biggest culprit would be a lack of lyrium in his blood. Exhaustion could be another possibility."

Ellie numbly nodded, too busy trying to put the pieces together in her mind. If the elf's suspicions were correct, it would actually make a lot of sense. She obviously was aware that Cullen was indeed suffering through lyrium withdrawal, but she didn't know the symptoms would get this bad. When she had spoken with Cassandra, the Seeker seemed confident that the Commander would be just fine. Surely Cassandra would have stepped in if she started to think otherwise in Ellie's absence.

But just as Solas had said, perhaps it was a culmination of his withdrawal and other factors that pushed Cullen to this point. Ellie didn't know how many times she would look over at Cullen's office at all times of the day or night and see light inside. It was clear to anyone that spent much time around the man that he didn't get a lot of sleep. Ellie couldn't help but feel so bad for him. He had dealt with so much in his life, he carried so much responsibility and now he had to deal with this? Lyrium withdrawal and sleep depravation? Her heart went out to him and she wished that he would just wake up.

The mages ceased their magic on Cullen, who seemed to be breathing more evenly now. She almost felt stupid for her blind panic and needing to get all three of them. But if her Commander was well, it was worth it.

"Thank you for helping him so quickly, I was so terrified when he just collapsed," Ellie said to them in earnest.

"He will still need to rest for a while before he has the strength to wake up," Solas informed, looking at Ellie almost expectantly.

She didn't want to draw any unnecessary attention to the situation, knowing that they could not afford for their Commander to seem weak. There was no possible way they could carry him back to his office and up the ladder to his bed without notice either. "Can you help me move him onto my bed? I would prefer to keep our Commander's condition to ourselves for now."

"If I may interject," Vivienne spoke up in her eloquent voice, "It may be a good idea to take off his armor before attempting to lift him."

Ellie and no doubt the other two appreciated the First Enchanter's reasoning, knowing that the metal he wore considerably added to his overall weight. Dorian bent down to unstrap his chest plate and Ellie began working on the armor that covered his arms. The Tevinter was being uncharacteristically quiet since he came in and Ellie knew that he was itching to say something, though she figured whatever it was, it wasn't appropriate for the other ears in the room.

With the Commander's metal shed, Ellie picked it up to place on her dresser while the two males lifted Cullen's limp body onto the bed. The Inquisitor thanked them all again for the assistance and discretion. Solas instructed her to keep one or two of her health potions handy for when he woke up and suggested that she keep an eye on him to make sure his stable state didn't wane. With that, both Solas and Vivienne left her quarters. Dorian made his way towards the door, but stopped before exiting with the other two, turning to face his friend.

"Are things alright between you two?" He asked evenly, looking at her with genuine concern. Ellie eyed him defensively, not sure how he knew. Luckily, he didn't leave room for her to wonder for very long. "We've only been back a few hours and I've already heard whispers of his mood since we left. Have you not spoken to him since the little incident on the rooftop?"

Ellie loved Dorian, she really did. But she already felt incredibly guilty about what happened. She didn't need anyone pointing out what was already obvious to her. But the mage was her best friend, she wasn't about to lash out at him for being right about her mistake so she simply shook her head.

"Do not blame yourself for his condition right now, my dear," he offered consolingly, seemingly aware she needed that in the moment, "Take care of him and talk to him when he has his strength back. I honestly doubt you did permanent damage, Ellie."

With that, her best friend exited the room leaving her alone with the unconscious Commander in her bed. The selfish part of her wished that she could just crawl into the bed too, the fatigue settling in her bones again now that the rush of panic had left. The thought of cozying up to Cullen in her bed was almost enough to make her get in beside him right then and there.

But she knew that, especially with the way they left things, if he woke up to her next to him in her bed, he would most definitely freak out. No, without his knowledge or permission she couldn't presume that course of action would sit right with him and she cared for him and respected him too much to only pay attention to her physical needs at the moment.

Instead, she pulled her armchair closer to the bed, just near enough that she could prop her feet on the other side of the bed from where Cullen lay in rest. An armchair wasn't the preferred spot to snooze, but it was a comfortable chair, one she used frequently to read in if she had the time. Those moments of spare time seemed increasingly more rare now.

As she settled into the chair, she observed the sleeping man in her bed. He was motionless except for the steady rise and fall of his chest. Absentmindedly she wondered if he always rested this soundly though she doubted that was the case.

Quicker than she expected, she felt her eyelids get heavy and she struggled to stay alert in the event there was any change to Cullen's state. But despite her best efforts, her eyes fluttered closed and the Inquisitor succumbed to the affects of a long, hard journey and a sleep deprived mind and body.


	25. Chapter 25: Stay

_Bright red light flooded her vision as she tried to make sense of the blurry figure who's silhouette cast a shadow in front of her. Blinking her silver eyes a few times she could make out distinct cropped blonde locks of hair and facial features that were similar to her own._

_"Cain?" She whispered in question. Ellie instantly recognized the grown man in front of her, even though she hadn't seen him since he was a teenager._

_Something was wrong, though. His eyes, which she definitely remembered being a few shades darker than hers were glowing a rusty hue. Startled by the obvious change in her brother, she shook her head and took a tentative step back._

_"Of course it's me, Ellie. It's been so long. I've missed you."_

_How was this happening? Her brother was confirmed dead at the Conclave. Sure, they never recovered his body as all that were present at the Temple of Sacred Ashes were charred and disfigured beyond recognition. But his name was on the ledger; he was there. How could he be here now? And, Maker, what was wrong with his eyes?_

_Ellie took another, more definitive step back this time, "How can it be you Cain? You're dead."_

_The man in front of her grimaced, "What are you talking about, little sis? How can I be dead if Im right here?"_

_"But you were at the Conclave! You-" her words were interrupted by her alleged brother holding up his hand._

_"That's nonsense, Ellie. How can you believe that just because my name was on the manifesto? You're not one to so easily trust all of the information that's handed to you. How do you know that document wasn't tampered with?"_

_The younger sibling's face screwed up into a confused knot. Ellie was a natural-born cynic. She almost never took things or people at face value which is why she had tried so desperately to be able to read people, their inner selves, as quickly as possible. But she had accepted Cain's death without a second thought. But then she realized why she was so quick to acquiesce._

_"Cullen was the one who gave me that information, he was the only one who would have known I was looking for your name. He wouldn't betray me like that," Ellie replied, her voice firm and confident._

_Her brother tutted, "Wouldn't he? You of all people should know not to trust the men that come into your life. Did your experience with Fenris not make that obvious to you?"_

_If a red flag hadn't been risen prior to that statement, there sure had been one large red flag raised now. "There is no way you could have known about that. Get away from me, whatever you are!"_

_Ellie backed away as quickly as she could, not wanting to take her eyes off of whatever thing was in front of her trying to pose as her dead brother. Her feet rapidly shuffled backwards until all of a sudden her heel caught the back of something she hadn't noticed, causing her to tumble to the rock__y ground below. She fell with a thud and her hands shot out to her sides to brace the rest of her, the sharp terrain scratching her palms. She winced at the touch of pain but was fast to recover as she stood back up to face her enemy._

_But when her eyes locked back onto the figure in front of her, it was no longer a representation of her long-lost sibling._ _Instead she was met with an ominously tall and disfigured being whom she recognized instantly. He was only covered from the waist down and the skin was ripped in parts to expose ribs and raw muscle tissue. From his chest and face shards of a jagged substance protruded and a menacing scowl was written on his features._

_"I have already killed people you love, you thieving mortal. I will stop at nothing until I have taken everything you hold dear and you are forced to bow to me."_

_On the inside, Ellie was shaking being so close to Corypheus after he destroyed Haven. But she had seen what the future would hold if he took control of the world and she would not succumb to his tyranny. She straightened her back and squared her shoulders, heightening her physical presence as much as she could to look her nemesis in the eye, though she knew that wasn't possible with her short stature. But she would not back down; she didn't at Haven and Andraste preserve her but she wasn't going to now._

_"Never."_

_She spat the the words but the blighted being in front of her didn't so much as flinch. Instead he let out a deranged laugh that echoed around her and she felt herself falling again. But this time she didn't come crashing to the ground that had been beneath her feet seconds ago. Panicked, she looked around as her body floated down and to her shock and horror, the surrounding space had become pitch black, exposing nothing behind or around her. She was in free fall for what seemed like an eternity when she heard a distant noise that pulled her from her current state, making her entire body jolt with a sickening shudder._

* * *

Ellie opened her eyes and sat up frantically, her body drenched in a cold sweat. The room was dark with only the light from the stars outside in the sky filtering in through the windows. She woke from her nightmare with a start, her ears picking up on some kind of ruckus. As her vision adjusted to the barely lit room, she saw the source of the noise and felt herself slowly start to calm down as she realized that her 'brother' was just a figment of her imagination. In the bed in front of her, the man who had been sleeping peacefully last time she noticed had begun thrashing around violently and mumbling incoherently.

The panic that had just started dissipating from being awake had shot through her body again, her first thought being that he was somehow taking a turn for the worse, that the reason for him collapsing earlier was more serious than him being burnt out. Ellie hastily unfolded herself from her position in her chair and rushed over to the man's side on the bed. As she got closer and her eyes became used to the dark, she made out his face and saw that his eyes were tightly shut despite his movement.

_I guess he's having a nightmare too,_ Ellie reasoned feeling guilty that she wasn't alone in her troubled sleep.

She was afraid to wake him up too suddenly, knowing that it could sometimes make the body and mind react in a more violent way than necessary. Instead, she sat on the very edge of the bed and hesitantly reached out to Cullen whose back was now facing her as he held himself in a loose fetal position. Laying a tentative hand on the man's back, she began rubbing small circles in an attempt to sooth him in his slumber. At first he flinched at the touch, but as she kept going the soft, repetitive motion seemed to calm him. Soon he had relaxed into her hand and his slumber was once again peaceful.

Ellie couldn't help the soft smile that spread across her face when Cullen let out a contented sigh. She told herself it was because of the calming circles she was rubbing, that it had nothing to do with the fact that she was the one doing it. How could it be? In his unconscious state he had no way knowing who was attempting to soothe him. She refused to let her brain get ahead of itself, though her heart so desperately wanted to.

The Herald's eyes flickered towards the open window. Judging by how dark it was she figured it was getting close to dawn. Not to mention there was a distinct lack of noise coming from the rest of Skyhold. For whatever reason, the way the acoustics in the fortress worked, the majority of the sound within Skyhold's walls seemed to echo up towards her quarters. It didn't really bother her, to be completely honest. It helped her to be alert to the activity within the Inquisition's holdings and usually she was so exhausted by her long days, that she was too tired to notice it when she laid her head on her pillow. Even late at night there was some kind of ruckus going on below, the source of which was almost always the tavern. But if it was late, or early, enough for even that location to be quiet, Ellie knew that soon light would begin flooding the sky, signalling a new day.

Her gaze then returned to the man sleeping in her bed. Her body still desperately cried for sleep but despite that she couldn't bring herself to stop her actions in keeping Cullen's sleep in its more peaceful state. Ellie's memory flashed back to when Dorian told her that the Commander had stayed with her for hours after finding her half-frozen in the Frostbacks following the ordeal at Haven. No doubt he had been exhausted when he found her, yet he insisted on still staying by her side until she woke. No. He insisted on holding her, keeping her warm and comfortable until she woke. Even though that night seemed like ages ago now, that memory still made the Inquisitor's face heat in an obvious blush.

So regardless of how tired Ellie was at that moment, regardless of how much she craved rest, every fibre in her body insisted that she put her needs on the back-burner and poured her remaining energy into keeping Cullen comfortable. After everything he's been through, after everything he's still going through, Ellie knew he deserved at least a good night's rest for once. And if she was able to assist in that, it was the least she could do.

Ellie swallowed the nagging voice in the back of her head that kept whispering that her determination in doing this meant her feelings for Cullen ran deeper than she wanted to admit. She had come to terms with the fact that she thought of him as more than a co-worker and that what she felt went beyond friendship. It certainly surpassed a girlish crush, though the way he made her blush sometimes made it seem that way. But something in Ellie knew that her feelings for the man were deepening at a frighteningly quick pace.

The Inquisitor stifled that reality, pushing far from her mind in hopes that the thought would disappear entirely. Instead her eyes flicked up, noticing a warm light make its way through the mountain peaks, gradually brightening the horizon. She hadn't realized how intent she had been rubbing the Commander's back or how absorbed she was in her own thoughts, but dawn had finally broke. Now that she had come to that realization, she could start to hear as a new day of life had been breathed into Skyhold, a dull buzz of awakening activity sounding through the air.

She knew that chances were it would still be some time before anyone came to bother her for anything so she stayed seated at the edge of the bed, hand still grazing the back of the cloth that covered Cullen's torso. Her eyes went up to his face, which still made it appear that he was in a calm slumber, and she noticed the golden hair that was normally perfectly combed back was now in a messy arrangement of unkempt curls.

With a curiosity induced courage, Ellie moved the hand that had been on his back up and ran it tentatively through his hair. She had always wondered just what the texture of his dark blonde locks would feel like and she wasn't disappointed. His curls were surprisingly soft and silky; the only resistance she felt was the remnants of what she assumed was hair wax that lightly coated the ends. Ellie remembered hearing Leliana and Josephine joke about the Commander's use of hair products but the Herald didn't think there was any truth to it. To find out now that there was indeed truth to the jesting amused Ellie, but she felt more aflutter to the fact that he was to some extent concerned about his appearance. She had to remind herself that it had nothing to do with her and that he wasn't at all concerned about what she specifically thought about his looks.

She was abruptly shaken from her thoughts when she felt Cullen stir, rolling so that he was now his back, Ellie's hand still combing through his curly hair. At first she thought he was just readjusting his position but when he opened those gorgeous amber eyes, she froze completely, her breathing ceasing altogether.

Cullen blinked but didn't move, didn't take his eyes off Ellie and that was when she realized she still had her fingers on his scalp and she hastily withdrew from him.

"Um, hi," she feebly offered him as she bit the bottom of her lip hard from awkwardness and anxiety.

"T-that," he choked out a little, his voice harsh and raspy from having just woken up. He cleared his throat and tried again, "That felt really nice."

Ellie couldn't even pay attention to the red tinge the Commander's skin took when he uttered those words. All she could think about was what he said. And that he actually said that. But then her brain chastised herself for reading too much into things and forced herself to gain her composure. "You seemed to be having nightmares earlier. But when I did that it seemed to help and you calmed down."

The admission apparently made Cullen stop to notice exactly where he was and what he had been doing, "I… Fell asleep here?"

Ellie's eyes widened at the obvious implication, though her heart sunk a little that the implication wasn't the actual reality, "Not exactly. You came to see me last night to talk about something but then you collapsed. You've been out ever since."

This time it was Cullen whose eyes grew in shock, confusion obvious on his features yet he kept silent for a moment as he seemed to put the puzzle pieces in his head together. Ellie had stayed seated at the edge of the bed, but now her hand fiddled with the hem of her loose shirt in a nervous gesture. It was just now that she had realized that she was still wearing her sleeping attire and while it wasn't particularly immodest, it still made her feel self-conscious now that Cullen was awake and alert.

"Forgive me."

The whispered apology snapped Ellie's attention back to the man in her bed, "Forgive you for what?"

Cullen had leaned up on his elbows. He had what appeared to be a bashful look on his face yet his position allowed him to better look Ellie in the eye. "For everything. I shouldn't have approached you when I did last night. Had I realized I was in such poor shape I would've…"

"You would've still been doing _anything_ other than resting," Ellie interrupted him with a knowing smirk, "Cullen, it's awful that you passed out but I'm happy I was here when it happened. It had me worried sick but at least I could get you help right away. Had you collapsed when you were alone or something…" She trailed off, not really wanting to think in detail what could have happened had he not been found right away, since her mind always hashed out the worst-case scenario first.

"Still, I shouldn't have pushed myself so far yesterday," Cullen argued, his eyebrows knit closely together and sitting fully upright, "I appreciate you being here and for helping me but I don't want to be a burden. The Inquisition deserves more from a Commander and you shouldn't have another load to bear. You carry enough as it is."

His words stung Ellie as she realized that it sounded like he still wanted a replacement, "You're anything but a burden, Cullen. I can't imagine the extent of what you're facing right now, but regardless of what you think you're still an irreplaceable asset to the Inquisition."

Her words were said with a genuine passion, pleading him to understand that it would kill her if he left but he still looked remorseful as he cast his eyes down and away from her. But Ellie was not one to slink away from fight. Fighting for Cullen was no different. She took her hand away from the hem of her shirt and slid it underneath Cullen's, then placed her other hand on top of his. The gesture returned Cullen's attention back to her and Ellie winced at how broken his eyes seemed. She gently squeezed his hand with both of hers as her silver orbs bore into his.

"Everyone here wholeheartedly believes you're still fully capable of doing you're job," Ellie started, her voice soft but full of emotions she was scared to name, "But this isn't just about the Inquisition. This is about you, Cullen Rutherford, the person. This is about what you want and the fact that we need you. I need you. Not the Inquisitor or the Herald. Me. Ellie Trevelyan. I need you. I'm asking you on that premise to please stay. I can't do this without you."

There was a moment that stretched between them for what felt like an eternity to Ellie. An eternity of which she had bared her feelings, at least to an extent, and now she waited for his response. And it killed her. But she waited, unmoving, closely watching him for any indication as to how he would react. But the man was still, not flinching, not blinking; it hardly even seemed like he was breathing.

Then after long last, he slowly brought his free hand from the other side of his body and laid it on top of Ellie's, his eyes still meeting hers but now they had softened into something warm, something that seemed so… Cullen.

"Alright. I'll stay," his simple words were accompanied with a comforting smile.

"I'm very happy to hear you say that," Ellie breathed as she felt herself exhale audibly in relief as she met his smile with one of her own, "I mean it, Cullen. You are more to me than the Inquisition's Commander. I know I said otherwise before I left, and if anyone deserves an apology, it's you. To say I misspoke that day would be an understatement and I'm truly sorry."

Cullen ran a calloused thumb across the top of Ellie's hand, making a knot form in her stomach, "It's fine, Ellie. I know you're more than capable of handling your own matters and I shouldn't have let Fenris provoke me that day. It was unworthy of me."

Ellie shrugged, "You had my back, Cullen. It's one thing for that to happen on the battlefield but in personal matters, it's a rare thing and it means the world to me. Which is why I think of you as more than a Commander. I would like to think of you as," Ellie paused for a brief moment as to what she actually wanted to say. What she wanted to think of Cullen as was far beyond where their relationship had gone so far. She only wished one day she could think of him as, not only more than a Commander, but as more than a friend. But there was no way she was going to admit that now. She didn't want to say friend either because she didn't want him to have any impression friendship was all she wanted. "I would like to think of you as someone I'm very close to."

She wasn't sure how the man would respond to her words at first and in her nervousness she had let her gaze fall away from him while she had spoke. But when she gathered the courage to bring her eyes back to him, her mouth parted slightly in astonishment with the warmth in the way he was looking back at her and the lopsided grin that spread across face. "I would like to think the same of you."

It was Ellie's turn to grin at his words and in that moment it seemed that some kind of silent, unnamed understanding passed between the two. Both of them becoming acutely aware that whatever was transpiring between them was definitely real and they both wanted to find out exactly what it was.


	26. Chapter 26: Shot At The Night

**This chapter ended up being waaaay longer than I had originally intended it to be. Oh well. **

**A/N: I know that in the game Varric calls Dorian 'Sparkler' but I decided to use my creative authority to change it. Because reasons.**

**Happy weekend and happy reading! :) **

* * *

It was later that afternoon that Ellie found herself in Skyhold's small library, sitting on the floor casually as she plucked the strings of her lute. Her fingers formed into chords with ease as she played, not any song or melody in particular, but instead she absentmindedly twiddled out notes in a random harmony. The motion and music soothed her, relishing playing the instrument she had been adept at for years. It was one of the few times she had been afforded time to play since becoming a part of the Inquisition and the familiarity of the pastime brought a contented smile to her face.

Seated on the only chair in the room was Dorian, his posture perfect though he was in his most relaxed state here in the library. In his hands was a rather large book written by Genitivi, though at the angle Ellie was sitting she couldn't see the actual title of the particular piece of work. The two sat in an amicable silence, with the exception of the sound of Ellie's lute and the occasional turning of a page, and they were both more than content that way.

To some it may have seemed like a dull way to spend an afternoon, and Ellie supposed that compared to how she normally spent her time it was rather dull, but today it was a welcomed change. Considering they had just arrived back from the Exalted Plains yesterday and they had to leave for Crestwood tomorrow, Ellie needed a bit of reprieve. Especially since last night wasn't exactly restful for her.

Her mind drifted to Cullen, as it seemed to so frequently these days, and without realizing it was happening her fingers scaled down an octave, creating a deeper, more rich sound. She still couldn't put a name to whatever was transpiring between them, if anything, but she found so much solace in the fact that he agreed to stay. Whether it was because of her, or what she said, or some other reason of his own, Ellie didn't know. As far as she was concerned, she didn't need to either, she was happy enough that he was actually staying. Deep down she hoped that the reason for the change of heart was because of her, but she refused to let her heart get carried away with that notion.

Cullen had left her quarters that morning shortly after their little chat when he woke up. They both agreed that for the sake of appearances it would be best if little to no people saw him leaving her room in the morning. Though Ellie could be almost certain that with all of the eyes and ears in the holdings, someone probably saw him go to her quarters last night and someone else probably saw him leaving first thing this morning. She could imagine how quickly the gossip would spread and if she were being honest with herself, she was a little disappointed that there wasn't more truth behind what would be insinuated in those rumours.

"I take it you two lovebirds are back on better terms?"

The bemused voice of her all too assertive friend pulled her from her train of thought and she marvelled at the uncanniness of how he decided to bring this up just as her mind had drifted to Cullen. But considering that's who her thoughts seemed to constantly be consumed of, it truthfully wasn't that hard of a feat for Dorian to pull off.

Ellie's eyes flickered up to the Tevinter, her expert fingers not faltering on the lute's strings in the process. "Yes we are, and we're not lovebirds," was her simple, slightly defensive answer.

"Considering who we'll undoubtedly be seeing in Crestwood, it's probably for the best that you got that sorted before we left," Dorian said in light-hearted jest, though Ellie fought a groan at the reminder that she would be seeing Fenris again in Crestwood.

While the two former lovers had aired out all of their tension and animosity from the past, Ellie was still reluctant to see the elf again. Since their last encounter, Ellie was finally able to allow herself to slowly heal. But seeing Fenris was a reminder of what could have been and it was like reopening that old wound each time.

Instead of glorifying Dorian's implication about their rendezvous with a response Ellie decided to give their conversation a gentle nudge in a different direction, "What makes you think you're coming with me to Crestwood?"

The tall book that was being held upright on the mage's lap abruptly dropped down followed by a dejected scoff which only emphasized the mocked hurt expression on his face, "Why wouldn't you take me? I am an absolute delight!"

Ellie let out a soft chuckle as her eyes returned back to her instrument, "You're right, how could I possibly forget?"

"I have no idea. Perhaps because you're far too distracted," Dorian replied in an almost cryptic voice, then paused before dropping his voice to a near whisper, "Speaking of which…"

He trailed off and the odd statement made Ellie's eyebrow raise as she glanced back up to her friend to find that his eyes were focused intently in the direction of the door. Fearing she knew exactly what, or should she say who, he was looking she hesitantly followed his gaze to confirm her suspicions. Standing in the doorway with an unreadable expression on his face was Cullen and Ellie had to fight to remain noticeably unaffected by his presence, though the telltale sign was that she immediately stopped playing the stringed instrument in her hands.

"Well," Dorian said loudly as he flipped his book closed and stood up, a coy smile playing on his lips that Ellie didn't like one bit, "I'll let you two darlings be. Three's a crowd, after all. Commander, nice to see you feeling better and not lying unconscious on a stone floor. Ellie, I'll see you later this evening. Why don't you invite Cullen here to the celebration as well? You two had _so_ much fun at the tavern last time."

An embarrassingly noticeable blush instantly appeared on Ellie's face at the snide Tevinter's parting remark that was so obviously made with the sole purpose of making her uncomfortable. When Dorian brushed his way past Cullen and out of the room, she dared to look back at the man. While she saw that his cheeks were also an interesting shade of pink as well, she was too consumed by her own unease that it didn't quite register.

The Commander clearing his throat helped pull her out of that frame of mind, "Dare I ask what that was about?"

Ellie offered the man a shy smile and tried to sound as nonchalant as possible, "In the Exalted Plains we kind of… Killed a high dragon and Bull is insisting we celebrate tonight."

Golden eyes widened so dramatically that Ellie was almost frightened they'd fall out of his skull, "You killed a what?"

"A high dragon," she replied with a shrug like it was no big deal, though it was the first one she had ever fought and they barely walked away from it alive.

Cullen raised a hand to the back of his neck and rubbed, "Maker's breath, Ellie. You could've gotten yourself killed."

His tone wasn't chastising or berating, it was low and full of concern and worry, somehow making Ellie's heart skip a beat. It was then that she thought it best if she got off the floor, so she did, standing up with her lute still in her hand. "We're fine, Cullen. Had a few bumps and bruises but we lived to tell the tale," she said in a reassuring manner, purposely leaving out the part where she dislocated her shoulder, "Dorian's right though, it would be nice for you to join us if you're feeling up to it."

Cullen seemed slightly stunned that she still asked to have his company but he quickly recovered, "I'll try my best."

"How are you feeling, anyways?" Ellie asked, genuine concern evident in her voice.

The man let out a quiet sigh, leaning his tall frame against the doorway, "Better, actually. The rest helped, I'm sure. That's actually why I came to find you, I wanted to thank you for all that you did last night and this morning."

"There's no reason to thank me, Cullen. I certainly wasn't going to just leave you lying on the floor. It did just about give me a heart attack though," she replied with a slightly jesting tone.

He returned the remark with a sheepish smile, an expression that endeared her to Cullen every time he did it. "Still, you gave up your bed to make me comfortable and I doubt you got much sleep last night. After this morning, I know you won't let me apologize for it but at least let me tell you that I appreciate what you did."

The genuine comment of thanks warmed Ellie's heart. She didn't help Cullen for commendation or recognition, she did it because she cared about him and his well-being, his comfort. She didn't even agree to join the Inquisition in hopes of being thanked or appreciated for what she was doing. That didn't mean she was a completely unselfish person, she knew she wasn't that perfect, but she also knew that she could never count on other people's reaction to serve as a positive, consistent motivator.

"You're welcome, Cullen," she replied as she took another step towards him, tilting her head up a little more to better look him in the eye and offered him a kind smile.

If Cullen was put off by the her closing more distance between them, he didn't let on. Instead he kept his stance leaning against the doorway, his honey-coloured eyes bore into hers. The eye contact was intense, but not in an awkward or uncomfortable way. Ellie could practically feel the heat radiating off the Commander and the air between them very quickly switched from being friendly to being something more intimate and, dare she actually admit it, but there was something in his gaze that felt almost seductive and sensual.

Both were unwilling to move or tear their eyes away, seemingly trapped in each other's stares. Ellie knew exactly what she wanted in that moment, though she'd be damned if she would be the one to make the first move. She wasn't that bold. So she stayed still and when, out of the corner of her eye, she saw his hand move to reach for her waist, her mouth ran dry and her breathing hitched.

But just as quickly as the moment began, the sound of someone calling for her down the hall pulled both of their attentions back to the world around them. Ellie let out the breath she'd been holding and nervously ran her free hand through her hair while she heard the Commander clear his throat.

"I'll hopefully see you tonight?" She asked meekly, hoping to make things a little less tense.

He shifted, putting his weight back on both of his feet instead of leaning on the doorway, "I'll do my best, Ellie." With that Cullen left the Inquisitor in the library to return to his duties and let her tend to whoever was searching for her.

* * *

The air in the tavern that night was heady and cheerful. Ellie was drinking it all in like she didn't have a care in the world. She wasn't acting loosely uncontrolled or brazen. The woman with the fate of the world resting on her shoulders simply let her worries go for an evening and let herself be consumed by the company of good friends and smiling faces.

Cullen wasn't present in the tavern, and though there was no doubt Ellie would have been delighted if he was there, she had had a gut feeling he wouldn't be. With what happened last night, she couldn't blame him. His withdrawal symptoms were far from cured, even though his body forced him to get some rest finally last night. Plus these kind of social gatherings weren't typically the Commander's forte. When she had invited him, he gave her a hopeful but non-committal answer and his absence was predicted. But Ellie was determined not to let it dampen her spirit.

"Boss! Have another drink!" The Bull called out to her, reaching over and filling her stein with ale. She was more than thankful that he wasn't making her drink that awful liquor he had made her drink last time. Lifting her glass to her lips, she took an eager gulp of the fermented liquid. While she didn't mind drinking wine, Ellie was hands down more in favor of drinking ale.

Ellie and her friends were seated around the largest table in the tavern. She was situated at the end of the table with Varric and Dorian on either side. Iron Bull was next to Dorian and Ellie found it amusing how the Tevinter and Qunari got along so amicably, despite being born into rival cultures. Cassandra was next to Varric, though she was chatting with Blackwall in what appeared to be a rather serious, military-minded discussion. At the other end of the table was, curiously enough, Josephine and Sera who were talking animatedly and giggling about something. While she expected that from Sera, seeing Josephine so relaxed and giddy with the elf was not something she had ever anticipated, though it was a welcomed sight.

Solas was not present for the festivities, as per usual since he preferred quiet and solitude. Vivienne and Leliana were apparently busy entertaining some Orlesian Comtesse and her family, which Ellie was happy she wasn't required for. Cole was lurking somewhere around the top two floors of the tavern. The spirit had made a few people really uncomfortable, but Ellie didn't mind him so much. He was just trying to help, even if he did so in obscure, sometimes unsettling ways.

Despite a few people from her regular company missing, Ellie was happy. Everyone in there seemed to be enjoying themselves and smiles were easy to come by. Of course, Ellie being on her fourth drink definitely helped the situation. She was all too confident that if she kept that up, the ride to Crestwood in the morning would be brutal. But that was a consequence she could ignore for the moment and deal with it when it came, she decided, as she took another drink.

When she lowered her stein from her mouth, to her amazement and shock the person she least expected had slipped through the door. Barely able to contain the butterflies that suddenly had become very active in the pit of her stomach, she locked her eyes with his and beamed at him.

Though when he had first stepped in the darkened room he seemed a little unsure at being there, when he caught Ellie's eye, he appeared to relax as he quietly made his way over to her side of the table. Ellie had to swallow the excitement that was threatening to bubble out of her when he pulled up a chair beside her and took a seat, positioning himself between her and Dorian.

The Tevinter shot Ellie a knowing look accompanied by a shit-eating grin that would have normally earned him a glare, but she excused it in favor of diverting her attention back to Cullen.

"You made it," Ellie remarked, her smile evident into her voice.

When he was seated comfortably, he turned his face to her and returned the expression, "I did. How could I pass up an invitation from you?"

The flirtation in his tone gave Ellie a bit of pause, not expecting him to be so forthright so early in the evening. Before she could come up with something clever to say in return, the dwarf to her right decided to chime in.

"Curly, you're here! Someone pour this man a drink. I was just about to tell Sparky here about that one time in Kirkwall when you…"

"I'm sure Ellie doesn't need her head filled with that nonsense," Cullen interrupted before Varric could get anything interesting out while shooting him a warning look.

But, unfortunately for the Commander, Ellie's curiosity was already piqued, "Oh please, Varric, do enlighten me with this so-called nonsense."

"Yes, tell us one of your stories about the Inquisitor's illustrious Commander in his Kirkwall days," Dorian piped in, his amusement seeping into his voice, facial expression and posture.

The blonde man scoffed, "I'm going to regret coming tonight, aren't I?"

Ellie placed a hand on Cullen's arm, which was devoid of his usual armor and was instead covered in a simple linen shirt, "Don't worry, I won't let them harass you too much tonight."

Varric let out a chuckle, "You heard Sparky and Twinkle Toes, I have to tell the story now. But I'll let you off the hook for the rest of the night after it's done, I promise."

The dwarven merchant launched into a story about how one of Hawke's companions, a Rivaini pirate named Isabela, had made several passes at Cullen who tried to awkwardly ignore them as best as possible. But apparently that wasn't sufficient for her because one day she devised a ruse, naturally using the excuse of blood magic, to lure him to some abandoned warehouse in an attempt to seduce him. According to Varric, the pirate's plan failed and Cullen managed to escape her clutches but for weeks afterwards, he was a blushing, blubbering mess.

Those within earshot of Varric's tale were all howling in laughter and Cullen was now a lovely shade of red and had guzzled two mugs of ale trying to drown his embarrassment. While Ellie was more than aware of how the dwarf liked to embellish on his stories, the fact that the Commander wasn't denying any of it made it certain to everyone that what Varric was saying was the truth.

So as to not have the tavern and company completely ruined for her Commander, Ellie choked back the laughter that was still in her throat and again returned her hand to him, this time to his back and leaned towards him, tilting her mouth up to his ear. "Are you going to be alright?"

He angled himself closer to Ellie to be able to reply, "I will be once the blushing stops, I'm sure."

"Well, for what it's worth, I think it's all very adorable," Ellie whispered before really thinking about it. Her brain was a touch fuzzy now from the alcohol and it made her let go of any reservations she would have usually had with admitting such things.

Though his skin still had a noticeable red hue to it, he flashed her a smirk instead of getting shy like he normally would. "That hardly helped," he muttered before clearing his throat.

By then, the others at the table had carried on with different conversations amongst themselves and Varric's little story about Cullen had been dropped. Ellie still, for some reason unbeknownst to her, had her hand on the Commander's back and she felt him become less tense with the lack of attention from the rest of the room.

With what sense of propriety she had left in her liquor-induced state, she removed her hand from his back and used it to take another sip of her ale. She had no idea what made her all of a sudden so blatantly touchy with him that night, but thankfully he didn't seem to mind or feel uncomfortable because of it. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew that in the morning when she was thinking clearly she would regret it, especially if it made things awkward between them.

Ellie was idly peering around the tavern in silence, glassy eyes occasionally darting back to Cullen, though she was not entirely sure what to say to the man she craved who was sitting next to her. The alcohol only seemed to enhance that craving for him and it was taking all of her self-control not to start acting on it somehow.

The way the small amount of lighting in the room still reflected off his golden hair, yet cast more of a shadow on his stubble-covered jawline, making it appear more defined than it already was. It made the white ribbon scar that ran up from his lip even more pronounced and his eyes deeper in colour.

Ellie had seen him in casual clothes only a handful of times, but each time she revelled in it. She loved how powerful and imposing his armor looked but seeing him more human and laid-back was all too intriguing to the Inquisitor. Not to mention the thinner fabric clung to his muscular physique, something that was lost under his heavy armor. His massive, strong arms stretched the linen so much Ellie wasn't sure how he even got his arms in the shirt. While it wasn't that tight everywhere, the muscle tone in his torso was still apparent, though not accentuated by any means. Ellie didn't dare let her eyes drift further down than that, especially considering her Tevinter friend was too observant for her liking, but she could imagine what the view of Cullen's lower half would be like when unobstructed by armor or heavy coats.

Because of her close proximity to the Commander, every time she inhaled she caught his scent. It was probably the most delightful smell she had ever known; a mix of cedar, herbal tea and a musk that only belonged to Cullen. Catching that smell with every breath was intoxicating on its own.

The next time that Ellie stole a glance at him, he was openly glowering at the blonde elf at the other end of the table. Sera didn't seem to pay any mind to it, if she even noticed, but Cullen still glared in her direction.

"Problem?" Ellie asked, eyebrow raised.

Her voice seemed to pull him from his sneering and he turned to Ellie, his glare gone but he still had a doubting look in his eye. "Sera was in my office earlier and I know she did _something_, but I can't figure out what."

When he mentioned that, Ellie's memory of accompanying Sera to the Commander's office to pull a harmless, little prank on him earlier that day had surfaced in her mind and she had to stifle a giggle.

Apparently, though, the archer had heard his accusation from across the table."Why don't you ask your Inquizzy, yeah? She was with me after all," she piped in with a teasing grin as she went back to her conversation with Cassandra and Josephine.

Cullen's head snapped to Ellie and she could see the mischief in his eyes, "Is that so?"

"Perhaps," Ellie retorted with a coy smile.

The Commander let out a low chuckle, "Well whenever I discover what dastardly thing you and Sera did to my office, I'll do something back."

This time it was the Herald's turn to laugh as she replied in a voice that was far more suggestive than the sober Ellie would have done, "I'm counting on it, Commander."

When she practically purred his title, Cullen's eyes seemed to darken and his trademark smirk was still playing on his lips.

Before he could respond, Varric's voice sounded through the room, suggesting they play a round of Wicked Grace. At the announcement, there was more than one groan that emitted from those at the table. Even Ellie, who normally loved to play the card game, wasn't feeling it at the moment. Not when she had such handsome company beside her almost all to herself.

"Maker, Varric, we'll be up all night playing that and we leave early in the morning," Ellie breathed in mock exasperation, though she was hardly exaggerating that much. She feared she would regret how late she'd already stayed up, let alone how late it would be if they played Wicked Grace.

There was a collective sound of agreement throughout the room and the dwarf held up his hands in surrender, "Fine, fine. But when we get back from Crestwood, you owe me a game."

Strangely, when Varric's idea was dismissed, everyone seemed to take that as their cue to turn in for the evening. Everyone accept for Bull and Blackwall who made no motion to suggest they were leaving the tavern anytime soon.

While a large part of her was reluctant to leave Cullen since she wouldn't be seeing him again for a few days, Ellie knew that in order to survive the ride to Crestwood the next day she would need to go to bed. Especially since she didn't exactly get much sleep the night before.

Chairs scraped over the wooden floor as people slowly began to get up and leave. Cullen stood up as well, and being the gentlemen he was, pulled Ellie's chair back for her and offered her a hand up. Though she thought the gesture was sweet, she was grateful for it because she wasn't entirely sure how well her legs would work with the amount of ale she had consumed that night.

"May I walk you to your door?" Cullen asked softly so as not to draw undue attention to the request.

A solid lump formed in Ellie's throat at the question and if she wasn't lightheaded before, she sure felt like it now. But she refused to be that obviously flustered because of what was most likely an innocent remark. However, she still didn't entirely trust her voice to work properly at the moment, so she simply nodded in response as she placed her hand in his and rose from her chair.

As discreetly as possible, they slipped out of the tavern and made their way towards her quarters, using the shadows of the night to their advantage. Ellie knew it wasn't because either of them were ashamed, but with what happened the previous night and this morning she knew the rumours were probably already spreading about them and there was no need to add fuel to the fire. They both knew that.

They walked in complete silence all the way up to the entrance to her room. Not the door that came in from the Main Hall, but the other, lesser-known one that went from the garden to her quarters which Ellie used when she wanted to escape her room without being easily spotted. She reached the door and, before opening it to enter, she turned to face Cullen who had an unreadable expression on his face.

"Promise me you'll look after yourself while I'm gone," Ellie said meekly, shifting on her feet awkwardly and biting her bottom lip. Part of her wanted to just say something to fill the silence, but she truly meant what she said. It killed her to see him suffering so much and working himself so hard.

In return, he offered her a sad smile, "I promise I'll try. Promise me you won't go after any dragons while you're gone this time."

A quiet laugh fell from Ellie's lips, "I promise I won't. This time, anyways."

She looked up at the tall man in front of her through her long lashes. His eyes were on her as well and for the second time that day they stood facing each other, eyes locked, but bodies unmoving. They stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity and in that time Ellie realized that she could gaze into those beautiful, warm amber eyes every single day if she was given the chance. It was too much to hope for, but part of her wanted to.

After a long moment, Cullen reached out and took her hand in his. The feel of his bare skin against hers sent sparks through her entire body, her breath getting caught in her throat in the process.

When Cullen started to lean his head down, her heart began racing so fast she thought for sure it would burst right out of her chest and she would drop dead at his feet. His lips had parted ever so slightly and Ellie watched in disbelief as he drew even closer still. But instead of closing the distance between his lips and hers, he brought her hand up to his lowered mouth and pressed long but gentle kiss to the top of her hand.

"Take care, Ellie," he murmured with her hand still close to his mouth, his breath ghosting over the spot where his lips had just been, sending a scorching heat to race right to the pit of her stomach and lower. How a kiss on the hand could be so sexual, she had no idea. And with her alcohol-addled mind, she wanted nothing more right then but to pull him against her and show him exactly where she wanted his lips to go.

But before she could act on what she so desperately wanted in that moment, he placed her hand back at her side, turned on his heel and walked away, leaving an aroused and confused Inquisitor at her doorstep wondering if what he did had the same affect on him as it did on her.


	27. Chapter 27: Thistle & Weeds

**Thanks to everyone who has read up to this point. Your support is what keeps me going!**

**My apologies that this chapter is fairly game-content heavy. Again, it was a necessay evil.**

**Enjoy! :)**

* * *

Most of the time, Ellie was more than thrilled to be right about one of her predictions. Whether it was about a particular situation or a person's true colours or even just what the weather would be like that day, Ellie, like most people, found a great deal of satisfaction when she was accurate.

Today, however, she cursed the fact that she was indeed right about a prediction she had had the night before. She would've bet a significant amount of sovereigns on the fact that the amount she had to drink the previous evening, coupled with the long horseback ride through the Frostbacks and into the north part of Ferelden the following morning would be a disastrous combination.

Ellie was absolutely, unequivocally right. And she hated it.

The ride itself proved to be uneventful, at least. Just a few painful hours on top of her horse, Zephyr, trying to find the exact amount she needed to keep her eyelids open. The light of day was pure agony but she didn't want to keep her eyes completely closed while they were travelling in case they ran into trouble.

Luckily, her three companions must have felt very similar to her because they were all uncharacteristically quiet. Naturally, she had to bring Dorian along with her, lest he get his smalls in a knot. She also brought Varric, seeing as he was itching to spend as much time with his old friend as possible. The third and final spot of her party was filled with Cassandra. Though she wouldn't admit it openly, the Seeker was still rather star-struck with the Champion of Kirkwall so Ellie took the opportunity to indulge her and bring her along.

The two males had drank as much if not more than Ellie had the night before. While they could both hold their liquor well, Dorian's eyes were noticeably bloodshot and Varric was the most silent Ellie had ever seen him. Cassandra hadn't drank much but, being the astute woman she was, opted against offering more dialogue than necessary to her hungover comrades.

That she saw, no one had vomit but certainly no one had an appetite when they made a brief rest in their journey to feed and water their horses. By this point Ellie, as well as the rest of her crew she was sure, just wanted to get this whole excursion over with. The hangover was by no means permanent and she knew eventually her and her friends would be back to normal but while she was seated on the back of her horse, head throbbing and stomach lurching with every step, Ellie thought being trampled by a heard of druffalo would be a better fate at this point.

When they had finally arrived in Crestwood it was nightfall and while some of the pain and nausea had subsided, thanks to the swaying movement of horseback riding it wasn't gone completely. Unfortunately, they weren't able to get straight to the business of finding the cave that Hawke, Fenris and their Warden friend had been holed up in due to the massive rift that was coming from the middle of the lake, causing untold amounts of soggy corpses to hobble out of the water and attack the town.

Seeing the terror of the townsfolk who had been devastated by the Blight not all that long ago was more than enough to move them all to want to help, despite their less than ideal physical shape. The battle to get underneath the lake and close the rift was long and wet but not entirely fruitless, seeing as they were able to capture Caer Bronach and turn it into something of a stronghold for the Inquisition. The keep wasn't as big as Skyhold but it was still impressive and, because it had been occupied, the building was relatively well maintained.

So instead of pressing forward to find Hawke, the group unanimously agreed to stay at Bronach for the night and get some well-deserved rest. While part of Ellie just wanted to find Hawke and get it over with, considering Crestwood was apparently littered with bandits, other rifts they hadn't gotten to yet and reports of Red Templar activity in the area, she knew that waiting until the morning to venture forward would be the wisest course.

The companions said little to each other before they headed off to their own tents, though Dorian still managed to shoot her a friendly smile before turning in. Ellie followed suit, closing the flap of her tent behind her, wasting no time in stripping her leather armor and dampened underclothes and crawling into her cot. She was thankful that, being in a secure fortress, she didn't have to worry about waking up for watch duty like she normally would when they set up camp. Ellie could sleep peacefully and uninterrupted, something she had lacked for nearly a week.

Her thoughts began to meander to Cullen and how long he must've went without having a good night's sleep, yet he still functioned normally and treated Ellie with patience and kindness. How he managed, the Herald had no idea. But she was barely able to think about the man that left her constantly amazed further because as soon as her head hit the pillow, the world went black around her and she drifted instantly to sleep.

* * *

Ellie and her three companions set out the next morning feeling decidedly better with a good night's rest. Varric was back to his wry, chatty self, Dorian had his charm back and Cassandra, knowing the coast was clear, offered her pragmatic opinions when she felt it was necessary. The Herald was also now feeling more mentally prepared to deal who would be waiting in that cave with Hawke and his Warden cohort.

While the locals of Crestwood were much more at ease with the rift in the lake closed, the highwaymen seemed a little less impressed with the Inquisition's presence because they had less helpless people to prey on. Because of that, between Bronach and the cave, they ran into more trouble they had anticipated originally. Though the bandits were pesky, they were almost a welcomed break from fighting demons and corpses.

With the general location of the cave marked on the map in her hand, Ellie rounded a corner to see what looked like an opening hidden by the shadow of the rocky mountainside. Taking a few tentative steps towards it, almost certain this was the spot Hawke had mentioned, she spotted the man himself come out of the cavern with his arms crossed and a blank look on his face that almost read of impatience.

"There he is!" Varric exclaimed, clearly happy to see his old friend again.

In response, the Champion nodded his head in the dwarf's direction and offered him the faintest of smiles.

"It's good to finally meet you, Champion," Cassandra greeted, keeping her voice surprisingly neutral.

Respectfully, Garrett extended his hand towards the Seeker to introduce himself formally. But when he caught sight of the Dorian, Hawke had to visibly hold back a sneer. "You brought him?"

"Is there a problem?" Ellie replied, taking a defensive stance next to her friend. She didn't want to have to go through this drama again but she certainly wasn't going to leave the very talented and capable mage behind just because of some prejudice.

The man's lips were pressed into a hard line for a moment while he assessed the situation, his icy eyes darting between her and the Tevinter. Out of the corner of her eye, Ellie could see Dorian's lip quiver as he was undoubtedly trying to hold back a cocky smirk. While in most circumstances the Herald loved her friend's confident, sarcastic air, she appreciated that for the sake of the Inquisition he was keeping that in check at the moment.

"There's no problem," Hawke announced finally, "Let's get inside. We've been waiting long enough for you."

Ellie was about to apologize to him, genuinely sorry that they had been delayed as she knew what it was like to be the one waiting. But Varric beat her to the punch, and though he embellished the story a little more than Ellie would have, she didn't correct him. Surely even Hawke didn't believe everything that came out of the storytelling dwarf's mouth.

Ellie winded through the narrow, mushroom-filled cavern until they finally reached the end, the walls expanding to create a more open space. In the space was a few desks and various books and papers scattered everywhere. In the centre of the room was a statue that looked like it had seen better days.

But to her surprise, no one else seemed to be in there. Putting her stealth training to use, she focused on her other senses, trying to detect anyone else that might be in there. She listened intently for the slightest noise, she breathed deeply through her nose trying to pick up a scent that wasn't typical of a damp cave, and she tried to be more sensitive to the air flow around her to pick up on any kind of movement that could change the circulation of air.

She could swear she heard a faint shuffle of cloth against metal behind her, but it was hard to tell for sure since she could hear Hawke and her companions coming down the walkway. Hesitantly, she turned her head to the left, hoping to pick up on the sound again. Instead, she was met with the unmistakable sound of a sword being drawn. Fully pivoting around, she was met, not only with a sword pointed at her head but also with the sight of a man clad in telltale blue armor with a griffon etched on the chest-plate that only belonged to the Grey Wardens. His hair was black and he had a rather impressive handle-bar moustache, but the defensive coldness in his eyes told Ellie that he wasn't messing around.

Right at that moment, Hawke stepped into the room with her friends trailing closely behind. In her peripheral she could see her companions had automatically reached for the weapons upon beholding the scene in front of them. While she didn't feel that she was in any immediate danger from the Warden, she was inwardly thankful for her companions constant loyalty.

"It's just us," Garrett interrupted, gazing directly at the Warden, "I brought the Inquisitor."

The man in blue eyed Ellie for a minute longer as if combing over her every feature, not in a flirtatious way, but rather in a critical, untrusting manner. "My name is Stroud," he introduced with a distinct Orlesian accent, slowly lowering his weapon, "And I am at your service, Inquisitor."

Exhaling in mild relief now that she didn't have a sharp, metal object pointed at her face, she offered the man a polite smile, "I'll take all the help I can get at this point. I know Warden's have their own set of challenges and responsibilities so if you're still willing to offer your assistance, it's greatly appreciated."

Ellie truly meant her words; she had met a number of their secretive Order in her travels but she knew enough about them to know they probably had enough on their plate without aiding the Inquisition. And considering one of the few facts she did know about the Wardens was that they were to stay out of any kind of political affairs, helping their cause could directly violate that. If he was still willing to help despite that, Ellie would bet that the Wardens knew something about who they were fighting, especially if was truly a darkspawn.

"I wonder, though," Ellie began, curious her theory was accurate, "Might those troubles have anything to do with Corypheus?"

Stroud nodded his head, "I fear it is so. When my friend Hawke slew Corypheus, Weisshaupt was happy to put the matter to rest. But an archdemon can survive wounds that seem fatal, and I feared Corypheus might posses the same power," the Warden began pacing as he spoke and Ellie could feel a sickening chill run down her spine at the implication of his words. "My investigation uncovered clues but no proof. Then, not long after, every Warden in Orlais began to hear the Calling."

Ellie's eyes widened, though she didn't know exactly what the Calling was, she knew it wasn't a good thing for the Wardens.

"I don't recall you telling me about this," Garrett piped in, not sounding too pleased that the detail had been omitted until now.

Stroud's back was to Ellie and Hawke now as he replied, "It was a Grey Warden matter. I was bound by an oath of secrecy."

Wanting some more clarity on the issue, Ellie began asking questions about the Calling, what it was exactly and what it meant for the Wardens now that they were all hearing it. When Stroud started to explain, the eerie feeling spread throughout Ellie's body and she had to fight a violent shiver that wanted to erupt. Knowing that it was very possible for her ancient enemy to have caused this, to know that the Wardens, the only ones who could stop the Blight, were in such serious danger all at once made her want to vomit. Even if the Calling they were hearing now was false, the vast majority of the Wardens believed it was real and they were acting in fear and desperation. They were playing right into Corypheus' hand.

"Warden-Commander Clarel spoke of a blood magic ritual to prevent future Blights before we all perished. When I protested the plan was madness, my own comrades turned on me," Stroud informed, giving what insight he could on what the Wardens were up to now as he turned towards a map that was on the table, "Grey Wardens are gathering here, in the Western Approach. It is an ancient Tevinter ritual tower, meet me there, and we will find answers."

With that, the renegade Warden exited the cave and left Ellie alone with Hawke and her companions. Ellie ran a hand through her hair, letting out a frustrated huff, "This just keeps getting more and more insane."

For the first time since she met him, Garrett gave her a look that wasn't neutral or a judgemental scowl. It almost seemed sympathetic and his low voice emphasized it, "The Warden's fate on top of the rest of Thedas' is a hefty burden. We'll all do what we can to help."

It was a rare moment, Ellie thought, for her to see a kinder version of the Champion she had known thus far. It was a welcomed change, and she was grateful for his and Stroud's help in addition to the rest of the Inquisition. But the small change of tone alerted Ellie to a key missing component that she had been anticipating today.

"No Fenris?" Ellie asked, truly surprised by his absence. She wasn't necessarily disappointed, all things considered, but she was taken aback that the elf wasn't with Hawke.

Just like that, Hawke's demeanour changed back to the gruff, frigid stance she was used to. "What does it matter to you?"

Though his words were no doubt meant to sting, they didn't phase the Inquisitor. She had thicker skin than that and she had since somewhat adjusted to the fact that her ex-lover had reappeared in her life. She wouldn't let someone, who presumably didn't know the full scope of the situation, make her feel guilty or uneasy. "Just curious," she replied in a cheerfully innocent tone.

Hawke blinked, his stormy gaze still hard when he reopened his eyes, "He went to take care of something… Personal. He'll be joining me again once he's done."

Ellie was beyond suspicious of Garrett's vague response. The fact that he offered any explanation at all was foreboding enough, but to only feed her enough to suggest that it wasn't any of her business gave her a gut feeling that it somehow was very much her business too. But she wasn't about to press the issue with him, especially since his patience with her was clearly already razor thin.

Instead she simply nodded in understanding and bid the Champion farewell, signalling for her companions to follow her out of the cave. When they were safely out of earshot, Ellie felt a familiar hand on her shoulder.

"Well that was certainly enlightening, hmm?" Dorian mused and Ellie knew he had meant more than just the information about the Wardens. In return she merely mumbled an affirmative-sounding response.

"I suggest we get back to Skyhold," a feminine Nevarran voice called, "We need to figure out what the Wardens are doing at this ritual tower."

"I agree," Ellie concurred, leading them west, towards their stronghold, "We'll head back now, I'll consult with Leliana, Josie, and Cullen and make arrangements to head to the Western Approach right away. I don't think we can afford procrastinating with this one."

A tense silence fell over them as they headed back to Skyhold. This time, it wasn't because they were hungover. The four were all trying to process the weight of what they had just been informed and what it could mean for the whole of Thedas if they were to fail.


	28. Chapter 28: Louder Than Ever

The ride back from Crestwood that day was not nearly as awful as the journey to Crestwood. Granted, it took some time for Ellie and her companions to digest what horrors were going on with the Wardens. While the bad news still undoubtedly weighed on everyone, Varric and Dorian were always good at breaking awkward silences and distracting people from their issues with their witty banter. Now that everyone was back to feeling like themselves and suffering through an agonizing hangover, the two male's charm worked wonders at relieving the tense mood; even Cassandra seemed less pensive.

But when they did cross the stone bridge that led into Skyhold, all Ellie could think about was sleep. She was in a much better frame of mind, but it was late at night when they had arrived and most of the people within the fortress were already presumably sleeping considering how quiet it was. The only life in the darkness was the guards running their nightly paroles and the low buzz of the tavern.

They dismounted their horses and unloaded their gear in a bit of a daze; everyone was weary from the quick journey to and from Crestwood and they all longed for the comfort of their beds. While Ellie knew that the situation in the Western Approach needed prompt attention, sleep was a more pressing need for her in that moment. Besides, while it was an urgent matter, it didn't warrant waking up her advisors to brief them in the middle of the night.

As she left the stables, her eyes flicked up towards the one person who she assumed wasn't sleeping yet. To her surprise, there was no light emitting from the Commander's office. Usually even at this hour he was still awake. She wondered with a small flicker of hope that he might taking her advice by finally listening to his physical needs and he was actually getting some sleep. Or least attempting it anyways.

Though the thought lingered in the back of her mind, her legs seemed to have their own mind as they carried her automatically to her quarters to catch up on her own rest. Still, despite her exhaustion induced foggy brain, she resolved to ask Cullen about how he had been coping with his withdrawal symptoms since she saw him last.

Ellie barely had a mind to remove her clothes and boots before crawling into bed, her body craving a peaceful slumber. Tossing articles of clothing every which way until she was free of them and kicking off her boots lazily, she all but flopped onto her soft bed and instantly fell asleep.

* * *

The next morning, Ellie woke up feeling infinitely better. She'd had a completely dreamless sleep and when she did wake, she was in exactly the same spot and position that she had fallen asleep in. It was exactly what she needed and she was grateful for it.

The Inquisitor had sent word to her advisors she would brief them about what she discovered in Crestwood and to figure out their next move in order to stop the Wardens dissent into desperation and panic. The War Council meeting would take place later that morning, giving Ellie a little extra time to get some things sorted out before then.

She didn't even want to bother unpacking since she had a feeling she would be leaving for the Western Approach promptly. She would need to add to her travel pack before they left, considering the desert was significantly farther away than Crestwood, but she would tackle that when they had a set date for their departure.

During the morning, no one seemed to need the Herald for any urgent business so she stayed in her quarters for most of it getting caught up on some paperwork while she sipped at her tea. It was probably the most stress-free way to spend going through reports and letters so Ellie took full advantage of it while she had the opportunity.

As she was working, her thoughts would frequently get sidetracked drifting off to images of curly, blonde hair and warm brown eyes. At first, Ellie tried to stay focused. As soon as she felt her mind going in that direction, she would quickly divert her attention back to her work, inwardly scolding herself for thinking like some lovesick teenager. Yet every single time it happened, Ellie's stomach would start doing tiny flip-flops and a dreamy smile would make its way across her face.

_Get ahold of yourself, woman! _Ellie yelled inwardly at herself, becoming increasingly agitated by a state of mind that was so unlike her. She needed to be guarded, she needed to focused on the work she had to do, and most importantly she couldn't allow her heart to become so enamoured by a man that it would put her in a position that would just cause her more heartbreak in the end.

She cared for Cullen, sure. And of course she thought he was attractive. Maker was he ever attractive. Who could deny that?

But that was only the surface. The more she got to know him, the more sides of him she got to see. When he was training his troops or giving them orders, he was everything a military commander should be: Firm, tenacious and imposing, yet not so cold or intimidating so as to earn an unhealthy fear from his soldiers. On the contrary, they all looked up to him, their loyalty to him unyielding, and they held with the highest esteem and respect possible. As his title would imply, though, being that kind of commander was part of his job and he was damn good at it.

It was the other sides of him that stood out to Ellie most though. How passionate he was about their cause, how he always stood up for what he believed in, how kind he could be. Ellie adored how bashful and awkward he could be at times, though he seemed to inflict that on her just as much. Like how he would surprise her sometimes with a carefully hidden flirtatious side that made it hard for Ellie to resist him. In her heart, she didn't want to either. But part of her still held onto the belief that she had to for her own sake. It was a belief that was slowly starting to dissolve every time she thought about him and…

_I'm thinking about him again,_ Ellie's face dropped into her palms and she let out an annoyed groan.

Standing up from her desk, she concluded that she needed some fresh air to clear her head. It would soon be time to go to the War Room anyways, so she figured a quick walk along the battlements would be a good idea before she had to come face to face with the man she was trying not to dwell on for her own sanity's sake.

Surprisingly, the ramparts were fairly quiet for that time of day. The sun was shining brightly and crisp, cool air almost instantly put Ellie more at ease. Her gait was casual since she wasn't going anywhere in particular and she would flash a friendly smile to any guards that passed her by. Even though she was the Inquisitor, she never wanted to make it seem like she was unapproachable or dismissive; that wasn't in her nature anyways.

Ellie stopped at the part of the battlements that overlooked the gardens. It was the one location in Skyhold that always looked so serene even though there were a number of people there. Ellie was growing accustomed to the cold, snowy mountains of the Frostbacks but she relished being in lush, green environments. Skyhold's garden was the closest she had to that.

Leaning on her elbows, chin resting on her hands, she began picking out familiar faces below her. Even though she was a ways above them, she could still make out a few people that she knew well enough. The only one that really stood out to her though was Dorian who appeared to be in another argument with Mother Giselle. It made Ellie sigh softly knowing that Mother Giselle would never truly get over her predjudice towards Tevinters, even though Dorian was so unlike most of his countrymen.

"See something interesting?"

The familiar male voice behind her startled her so badly she jumped and let out sharp gasp. With one hand now grasping her chest from shock, Ellie whirled around to see who had just scared her half to death. While she was somewhat surprised to see a smirking Cullen standing behind her, the very person she was trying so hard not to think about, she was too busy steadying her nerves to let that register fully.

"Maker's breath, how do you even do that? Sneaking up on me with all of your armor on," Ellie exclaimed, still trying to catch her breath.

The Commander's smirk only grew as he came to stand beside her, "I'm not entirely sure. You're supposed to be the expert on stealth. Maybe you're just losing your touch."

"Or perhaps you're just purposefully trying to give me a heart attack," Ellie countered, matching Cullen's coy tone.

He let out a low chuckle, "That would be quite the achievement. The Inquisitor, who can defeat a high dragon, countless demons and other creatures, succumbing to a heart attack because someone startled her when she wasn't paying attention to her surroundings."

"Yes, I'm sure it would be a glorious day for you," Ellie said sarcastically, giving Cullen a soft, playful shove, "Seriously though, you should consider being a bit more noisy when you're walking around."

The Commander's smirk grew into a full grin at that, "I don't know. Your face was priceless just now, I might try and take advantage of that when I can."

"Is this payback for what Sera and I did to your office?"

A flash of mild annoyance swept over Cullen's face, "Perhaps. Though I still haven't found out exactly what you two did."

That time it was Ellie's turn to laugh, "Really? You still haven't figured it out?"

"No and Sera refuses to tell me still," Cullen responded, a hint of irritation coming through in his tone, "But I know you did something. There's something in my office that just feels… Off."

The Inquisitor giggled as she reflected on her and Sera's successful prank but at the same time, she almost felt sorry for Cullen because it had been a few days and he still hadn't discovered what they did. "I'll give you a hint. Try looking around your desk."

"You think I haven't?" He asked incredulously sending Ellie into another fit of laughter. "You think you're so clever, don't you?"

She glanced over at Cullen who was now leaning against the stone wall of the ramparts like she was. It was one of the few times she could evidently see the smile that had reached his eyes and his body seemed more relaxed than normal.

The friendly banter between her and the Commander made Ellie's heart soar. Not only because she got to be in close proximity with him or because she thoroughly enjoyed the handsome man's company, but also because they both seemed so comfortable and unguarded around each other. While some voice in the back of her mind told her that letting her defences down around him was the last thing she should do, a larger part of her felt like he was the one person who she could let her guard down around.

"You like it," Ellie replied slyly before she really realized what she said. Maybe she should have listened to that small voice after all. She refused to look over at Cullen at that point, knowing that as soon as she did, the confident, flirty air she had put on would falter. With her eyes glued to the garden, she couldn't see the pinkish hue the Commander's face had.

"I do," Cullen breathed, his voice so low that Ellie barely heard it.

The quiet admission had Ellie's head spinning. Perhaps she heard him wrong? Perhaps he simply meant something strictly plutonic? Surely he couldn't have meant anything more from that, right? Her mind raced in denial, coming up with all the reasons he couldn't possibly have implied anything more.

They stood quietly a moment longer, Ellie feeling like she needed to break the silence somehow so her brain didn't implode. "Are you starting to feel any better?"

"I am," Cullen replied after taking a deep breath, "The pain still comes and goes but I feel more at peace with it now. I believe I have you to thank for that."

"Me?" Ellie asked in slight disbelief.

His head turned to look at her and she followed suit. Their eyes locked but not how it had previous times when you could practically cut the sexual tension between them with a knife. There was something deeper in the gaze that they held, something more compassionate and caring.

"You gave me the reassurance I needed. You may not have known it at the time, but your faith in me has reminded me of why I joined the Inquisition and why I had to stop taking lyrium in the first place. I don't know when or even if the withdrawal will ever go away completely, but my determination has never been more strong." The words Cullen spoke were genuine and heartfelt and Ellie couldn't help the relieved smile that formed on her lips.

"I'm glad," she said, warmth radiating into her tone, "Have you been able to sleep much since I left?"

"I can manage to get a few hours here and there. I fear that peaceful sleep will always elude me," he answered honestly. Ellie offered him a kind smile in return but stayed silent, unsure of what to say. Cullen stayed quiet for a moment longer too, but gently placed a hand on the Herald's arm and held it there before speaking again, "I think it's time we made our way to the War Room. Leliana and Josephine might already be waiting for us."

Ellie nodded and the two walked in silence towards their destination. She knew the unnerving information that needed to be discussed in their counsel today and it had created an anxious know in her stomach, effectively kicking her brain into Inquisitor mode. Even though her advisors were excellent at keeping a calm disposition, Ellie knew that they wouldn't waste anytime doing everything in their power to get her to the Western Approach as soon as possible.

* * *

When Ellie finally arrived back from the Western Approach, it was the first time she was actually thankful that Skyhold was in the middle of snowy mountains and not in the middle of a desert. They had left for the area two days after Ellie had informed her colleagues of the situation with the Wardens and had been gone for nearly a fortnight. Ellie was almost positive that it would take her years to get all of the sand out of her hair and clothes.

The events that unfolded at the ancient Tevinter ritual tower made Ellie's skin crawl but at the same time made her anger flare. She wasn't a Grey Warden and granted, she didn't know the depth of how far they were willing to go to save Thedas from the Blight. But to turn to mass blood magic was an absolute outrage as far as she was concerned.

If it was possible, Garrett Hawke seemed more angered by what had happened, vowing to do everything he could to help stop it. Ellie appreciated that for once he was more than eager to help and during the brief time she was with him in the Western Approach, not once did she catch him sneering at her or Dorian. She did find it peculiar that Fenris hadn't accompanied Hawke again, but this time she didn't breach the subject and simply accepted his help with stopping the Grey Wardens before it was too late.

To add to the Wardens drastic course, the fact that their actions were overseen by a magister didn't help, either. Even Dorian fully admitted that this Erimond was as evil and slimy as they come, saying that people like him were the reason Tevinter had such a bad name.

So when Ellie had arrived back to Skyhold and immediately convened her advisors to brief them, the horror on their faces was evident. Ellie knew that relating the story was nothing compared to witnessing it. With Cullen's military insight and Josephine and Leliana's connections, they devised a way for them to break into Adamant fortress to stop the madness.

"Before we make arrangements to send our forces to Adamant," the ambassador piped up, "I want to also inform you that I have found a way for you to personally speak with Empress Celene before Corypheus reaches her so we can prevent her assassination."

"Oh?" Ellie inquired, intrigued by the progress Josephine had made in that regard. While Orleasian politics wasn't exactly a point of interest, saving the Empress was another key to foiling Corypheus' plan.

"At the urging of Grand Duchess Florianne, the Empress is holding a ball. Absolutely everyone will be there," Josephine explained, barely containing her excitement at the thought of attending a ball, "During the festivities, Celene will be meeting for peace talks with the usurper Duke Gaspard and ambassador Briala."

"The assassin must be hiding within one of those factions," Leliana concluded with confidence.

Ellie paused for a long moment, weighing out the two different options before her. Preventing both the Empress' assassination and the creation of a demon army were pressing matters, ones that needed to happen to stop their enemy in his tracks. Deciding which one was to be tackled first was the question.

"I think," Ellie started, pausing while she made sure in her mind that this was the best course of action, "I think we should go to the Winter Palace first and ensure the Empress' safety. In the meantime, that will give our army the chance to be as prepared as possible and it will give us time for the siege equipment to be deployed and ready."

With a collective nod of agreement, the four began working on the necessary arrangements for their next steps in defeating Corypheus.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! **


	29. Chapter 29: Stolen Dance

**I've been dying to write/post this chapter since I started brainstorming for this story. I hope it makes all of you as happy as it made me as I was writing it. **

**If you would like a better idea of what Ellie and the rest of the ladies dresses look like, I have a Polyvore account under the same username (HalcyonHellion). Feel free to check it out or use your imagination. Your call :) **

**As always, any feedback is appreciated immensely! **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

The Winter Palace was exactly as lavish and opulent as Ellie expected it to be. It seemed like every small detail within the grounds was meticulously kept and expensive or at least made to look that way. It was that sort over-the-top display that made Ellie hate Orlesian nobility and while she knew that it was paramount the Inquisition was present that evening, she dreaded being thrust into that kind of society.

The only person who was probably equally as annoyed with going to Halamshiral was Cullen. Ever since they had left Skyhold for the Palace, he'd seemed on edge. More so than usual, if that was even possible. Although Ellie had yet to see her Commander that evening at the ball since he and the other two advisors had arrived about half an hour before her.

While Ellie would rather be a million other places than at an Orlesian ball, she did count it as a personal win that she had managed to talk Josephine and Leliana out of making everyone wear those ridiculously awful uniforms. Why in the Maker's name they thought that was a good idea was beyond her, especially coming from two women who considered themselves fashion conscious.

After some deliberating between the three women, they finally agreed on a cohesive look for the members of the Inquisition. The men, who only consisted of Cullen and Dorian, would wear the original scarlet uniforms that were accented with blue and gold. With the exception of Ellie, the women would wear gowns which varied in individual style but were all the same deep blue that was found in the uniforms. As for Ellie, since she was the Inquisitor and was told with quite a bit of fervor that she needed to stand out as such, she would wear a rich, crimson gown.

Ellie hadn't worn a dress in a number of years and while it was by no means her first pick in attire, she still wanted to look good in it. She had insisted on a design that was a stark difference from the current Orlesian trend of massive hoop skirts and an abundance of unnecessary fabric. Ellie wanted something feminine and flattering but most importantly, she wanted something practical. Leliana had arranged for a drop location where Ellie and her party's armor and weapons would be if they needed them while they were exploring the Palace. But Ellie didn't want to bank on only running into trouble while she was donning her leathers so she made sure that the design of her gown gave her the ability to move quickly and gave her easy access to the blades that would be strapped to her thighs.

She worked with a tailor who was commissioned by Vivienne and after a few hours, not to mention copious amounts of input from her female advisors as well as Vivienne and even Dorian, she finally settled on a design. It took some persuading initially; Ellie thought the gown was a little too daring even for her. But after being convinced that she could somehow pull it off, she agreed to it.

Now, stepping out of the carriage and into the courtyard of the Winter Palace, Ellie couldn't help but feel like maybe her friends knew what they were talking about after all. As her and her three companions walked through the courtyard, Ellie felt as though all eyes were on her and not just because of her title either.

Her sleeveless red gown was relatively fitted. The light, structured fabric was tight on the upper half of her body which was needed because of how deep the neckline plunged. It was the one part of the gown that Ellie wanted to object to considering the slit stopped only a couple inches above her naval. But the opening was so narrow and the fabric was so stiff that it barely showed any cleavage; just the faintest amount to draw the eye but not enough that Ellie felt too exposed or indecent. The dress cinched at her waist, accentuating her curves, then gathered at the hips before draping down to the floor. Another long slit went from the bottom of the dress to her mid-thigh, which again was narrow enough not to be too revealing but gave her the access she needed to her daggers.

_If only mother dearest could see me now_, she thought dryly, almost laughing at the irony of how empowered she now felt in a dress after her mother was after her for years to wear one constantly. _My, how time and circumstance changes things…_

When the Grand Duke met them at the entrance Ellie was instantly put on alert with his blatant flattery and gloating, not to mention how he tried to deflect any blame for the civil war onto anyone but himself, the elven ambassador being his prime target. Ellie wasn't entirely happy that Duke Gaspard was their only way into the event tonight, making it necessary for her to play nice at least until they took care of the assassin lurking in the palace, but it was better than nothing. She wouldn't let Corypheus get the upper hand just because she had a strong dislike for dealing with pompous nobles.

Ellie sent her companions into the ballroom to start mingling with the crowds in order to procure some information. While she knew that Dorian and Vivienne would have no problem charming the guests, she was admittedly a little worried about how Cassandra would fare. Ellie needed to have some muscle in her party, but she still wanted people who would be able to blend in well. Blackwall certainly wouldn't enjoy this sort of thing, and while Iron Bull's skills as a Ben-Hassrath would come in handy, she doubted many of the guests would be willing to talk to a Qunari. Besides, even though Cassandra was skilled warrior, she was still Nevarran royalty. She would have to have some experience with these kind of functions, right?

After some poking around in the courtyard, Ellie decided it was a good time to head into the ballroom herself. While blending into the shadows was typically a speciality of hers, she was finding it a little difficult to do in outside lighting, especially since she was wearing bright red.

_Perhaps we could have settled on a more discreet colour palette,_ Ellie thought idly as she opened the huge doors that led into the palace.

She didn't have too long to reflect on that, however, because she caught sight of a familiar figure walking towards her. Josephine lookedstunning in her dress that was quite classy and with the way she held herself, Ellie knew the ambassador was completely in her element here.

"Inquisitor, a moment if you please?" Josephine asked, her tone serious, "I must warn you before you go inside: How you speak to the court is a matter of life and death. It is no simple matter of etiquette and protocol. Every word, every gesture is evaluated for weakness."

Ellie couldn't help but smile at the Antivan's protective warning, "I appreciate your concern, Josephine. But I know what the Game entails. I'll be sure to stay on guard. Have you made sure that everyone has received the same warning?"

"Yes, and I'm not terribly worried about anyone. You picked suitable companions to be here this evening." Her expression changed ever so slightly then and Josephine leaned a little closer to Ellie so she didn't have to say her next words louder than a whisper, "You may want to keep an eye on the Commander, though. He is by far the least experienced with this sort of thing and his discomfort is showing, even though he's already attracted a bit of a crowd."

Ellie raised an eyebrow at that, "He's attracted a crowd?"

"A mostly female crowd, if you understand my meaning."

She understood the meaning quite well and Ellie couldn't help the pang of something in her stomach at the thought. She knew she had no right to feel the least bit jealous, especially after everything that happened with Fenris. Ellie had no claim on Cullen and she was cognizant of that. But even though she was fully aware she shouldn't be jealous, that long-forgotten ache still crept through her.

After assuring Josephine that everything would be fine that evening, she walked further into the building and ascended the stairs of the vestibule. Her silver eyes darted around the area, scanning for familiar faces. Ellie could immediately spot Vivienne gracefully moving through the guests, briefly chatting with all she recognized.

It took her a minute to find Cassandra, not used to seeing the Seeker in anything other than armor. Cassandra's gown looked beautiful on her, the royal blue making her skin appear more bronzed. Even though it was a formal dress, it still was every bit Cassandra, simple and strong with hints of indigo-tinted leather tactfully placed on the gown. She observed as the warrior shot down multiple men who were vying for her attention and Ellie had to stifle a giggle.

After gazing through the masked guests, she noticed there were some people she couldn't see just yet, though she knew they had to be there somewhere. Leliana was nowhere to be seen, at least not in that room. She hadn't managed to locate Dorian either.

But as Ellie's eyes searched the room, her breathing stopped dead in its tracks when she caught sight of a particular handsome, golden-haired man who was staring right back at her. She didn't even notice that she was practically openly gawking at Cullen as he stood across the way in his uniform. Ellie had always favoured the Commander's armor, how strong and authoritative it made him look. But as she drank in the sight of him in a formal, military-style outfit that seemed to make his chest and shoulders wider, his waist more narrow and give him an impossibly dashing and dignified air, she had to hold herself back from running to him.

Ellie was so caught up with his change in clothes that she didn't even notice that he was still looking at her. At least not at first. It was a few long seconds before she snapped back to reality and her eyes somehow landed on Cullen's face. His eyes had widened as they moved up and down her frame, his lips parted slightly.

And he was looking _directly at her_. He wasn't looking at Josephine or Cassandra or any of the other guests. He was looking at her, _only_ at her. Usually Ellie would feel uncomfortable knowing someone was eyeing her like that, but this wasn't just anyone. This was Cullen and the expression on his face as his eyes were on her was something she wanted to remember for the rest of her life.

Suddenly she felt as though there was some kind of magnetic pull to him, her feet moving on their own accord towards him. Before she could get very far, though, someone cleared their throat right behind her.

"As devilishly handsome as the Commander looks this evening, it's a little too early for you to jump him, my darling."

Ellie instantly recognized the voice of her best friend, and though she really didn't want to, she stopped her advance towards the object of her attention. Her eyes lingered for a moment longer on the gorgeous man across the room before she begrudgingly tore them away and regarded the Tevinter beside her.

"Does that mean I'm allowed to jump him later, then?" Ellie retorted slyly, earning a burst of sharp laughter from Dorian.

"You may have to fight your way through the mass of other women after his attention tonight," Dorian admonished.

It was then that Ellie realized just exactly how many women the Commander had attracted. The sinking feeling returned to the pit of her stomach.

"Don't worry, love," her friend assured in a confident tone, "They are no match for you, especially with that dress you're wearing. You know he hasn't taken his eyes off you, right?"

Ellie, after being given the sliver of hope from Dorian, dared to draw her gaze back to Cullen's face. To her surprise, not to mention relief, the Commander was still looking at her, though his expression seemed to soften just the tiniest amount. From across the vestibule, they managed to lock eyes and Ellie couldn't help but curl her lips upward. When she did so, he matched it with his own crooked smile that Ellie adored.

"Come, my dear," Dorian interrupted, "I believe they're getting ready to announce you in the ballroom."

Her friend's interjection reminded Ellie where they were. Managing to rip her eyes away from Cullen once again, she linked arms with Dorian who led her into the next room. It was then that she noticed that they were indeed waiting to introduce the members of the Inquisition.

Upon entering the ballroom, she was greeted by the Grand Duke who was far too excited by the controversy of having the Inquisitor at his side. Ellie had to fight rolling her eyes. But she supposed that he was just using her as a pawn the same way she used him to get an invite to the ball.

She reminded herself that once they were presented formally to the Empress, she could really start getting to work. Between the Empress, the Grand Duke and Ambassador Briala she had plenty of leads to follow and snooping around for people's dirty secrets was not only something Ellie was good at, but it beat sticking around the ballroom.

_Just a few more minutes of formalities_, she reminded herself as she forced a grin when they announced her name.

* * *

Ellie felt like she was being sent on a wild goose chase. While she had stumbled upon some rather interesting information that could be used as blackmail and had gathered some incriminating evidence against the Grand Duke as well as Briala, they were no closer to finding the assassin. None of her companions who had been lingering around the courtyard had managed to glean anything useful so far either.

The Inquisitor sighed as she made her way back towards the ballroom. Both Josephine and Leliana had made it a point to advise Ellie that while she needed to poke around in the hidden corners of the palace, in order to keep her approval with the court, she couldn't completely disappear for the evening. She hated the fact that she had to take time out of her snooping to schmooze a bunch of nobles. But she also understood the reasoning behind it and she wasn't about to put her own personal comfort ahead of the Inquisition's purpose.

Stepping through the giant doors that led to the ballroom, Ellie started making her rounds, gracing everyone who greeted her with the most charming smile she could manage. She rounded one of the corners when she spotted an uncomfortable looking Cullen standing in front of a window. He was trying to be polite to the many women and men who had flocked to him, she could see that, so perhaps it was because she knew him that she could so easily sense his distress. The amusement of it almost drowned out her underlying anger at the amount of people pining after him.

Suddenly, the Commander's gaze met hers and while she normally would've felt embarrassed by being caught staring, the torment in his eyes gave her pause. It was almost like he was silently pleading to Ellie for help before his focus was torn away to address yet another masked Orlesian who was trying to claim his full attention.

But it was in that moment that Ellie came up with a wicked idea. It was something that was probably extremely ill-advised, and while she could justify it being for Cullen's sake, if she were being completely honest with herself, it was hardly selfless. Her mind glazed over the possible negative backlash it could cause but she dutifully ignored it. Instead, she made her way over to the floundering Commander with a courage she didn't know she could have around the handsome man, especially with hundreds of people watching.

With confident steps, Ellie casually sauntered up to Cullen who had yet to notice her walking up to him. As she came within earshot, she heard one of the women surrounding Cullen quite blatantly ask him if he was single. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the Commander flush slightly at the lady's audacity as he stumbled trying to come up with a response. It gave Ellie the nerve she needed to go through with her plan and it gave her the perfect opening to do it.

Before Cullen had a chance to properly answer the noble woman's brazen question, his attention snapped to Ellie who was mere inches away from his left and closing the distance still. She offered him a coy smile when he looked at her with confusion.

"Hello, Cullen," Ellie's silvery voice chimed as she pressed herself lightly against his side. His amber eyes grew wide from shock but before he could question her, she clasped her hands around his shoulder and lifted herself up on the tips of her toes so she could tilt her mouth close to his ear. "Just follow my lead and play along," she whispered, her lips just barely grazing his ear and she felt him tense before she sank back to her normal height, keeping her hands perched on his shoulder though he remained unmoving.

"Oh my, are you the Inquisitor?" The feminine Orlesian accent sounded, "My apologies, I did not know you and the Commander were so... Close."

Ellie had to fight a smirk, her idea going exactly according to plan. "It's lovely to meet you, I see you've already had the pleasure of meeting _my_ Commander," she replied, feigning a sweet voice despite her purposeful emphasis on the word 'my.'

The people around the Commander seemed to take notice of Ellie and her display towards Cullen. Hushed whispers and a muted gasps flowing through the small crowd, understanding settling over them as slowly they began dispersing. It was then that Cullen had apparently realized exactly what Ellie was doing and that it was starting to work. Following her advice to play along, Ellie felt a large hand hesitantly place itself around her waist, finally finding purchase just above her hip.

The Inquisitor watched as the Orlesian woman's eyes landed briefly on where Cullen's hand had become situated. "Yes, I see," she muttered quietly, "Enjoy the rest of your evening. Excuse me."

With that, the lady left and for the first time that evening the Commander didn't have anyone hovering over him. Ellie felt him relax ever so slightly but made no motion to leave her spot pressed up to Cullen's side.

_If I leave right away, those vultures will just circle right back to him,_ she tried justifying to herself. While it was probably true, she couldn't help revel in just how good it felt to be leaning up against him with his arm wrapped around her. _Yes, I think I can stay here just a bit longer._

"I suppose I owe you my thanks," Cullen acknowledged in a low voice.

Ellie stole a glance up at him, noticing the smile in his eyes, "You looked like you could use a break from your admirers."

"You know Leliana and Josephine are going to kill you for this," he said with a soft chuckle.

She fought a scoff, "You're probably right. I'm sure they'll have plenty of damage control to do from all the gossip. Plus I think they were trying to use you as bait tonight." Ellie looked back at Cullen and saw the slight grimace on his face at her words. "Considering just how attractive you are anyways and how well you apparently clean up, you can hardly blame them for wanting to."

Ellie had no idea what had come over her that evening. Between trying to make the court believe that her and Cullen were an item to actually admitting to him that she thought he was attractive, she didn't know she could be so bold around the man. She hadn't even had a drink yet.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the rosy hue that had crept up Cullen's neck. Instantly she felt guilty for what she had said. "I'm sorry," she apologized, "My intention was to alleviate your discomfort, not to add to it."

"No, it's not that, it's just..." Cullen paused to collect his thoughts before turning to look Ellie in the eye, "It's just different hearing it from you."

The corners of his mouth curled upwards into a shy smile and the possible intent behind his words sunk into Ellie's mind. It was her turn to blush and she couldn't seem to formulate any coherent reply. So instead she bit her bottom lip nervously, looking up at Cullen through her tinted lashes and she could almost swear that his grip on her tightened.

Ellie wished desperately in that moment that the rest of the guests in the ballroom could fade away. She wished that it could just be her and Cullen in the room together so she could say all the things her heart was dying to tell him in hopes that he might say that he felt the same way. But they were far from being alone and her work for the evening wasn't even close to finished.

_It's going to be a long night_.

* * *

And a long night it was. How babysitting the rulers of the Orlesian empire had become part of her job description, Ellie had no idea. But the Empress had been saved, the Venatori assassins were disposed of, and the Grand Duchess Florianne who was conspiring with Corypheus against the Empress had been killed. She had managed to accomplish everything they came to the Winter Palace to do, something she should have taken solace in.

Yet, as Ellie stood alone on the balcony gazing aimlessly over the courtyard, she didn't exactly feel like she was in good spirits. Her mind was racing, trying to process everything that had happened.

Ellie knew that the Grand Game was cutthroat, she knew how calloused the people who played it were. But to sell out your own family, not to mention the fate of the entire world, just for the promise of more power, Ellie couldn't understand it. Florianne was used as a pawn by Corypheus and the Grand Duchess was completely oblivious to it. The shameless coercion tactics that Corypheus used worked incredibly well and that thought made Ellie sick to her stomach.

But that wasn't the only thing that was weighing on her. She thought back to her impulsive decision to 'rescue' Cullen from the following he had accumulated that evening. Ellie could only imagine the scolding she would receive from the Commanders fellow advisors later. But that wasn't what was troubling her.

She didn't know where she had gotten the nerve to so publicly stake her claim on him when truthfully she had no actual claim on him at all. But it scared her. Ellie had never been one to show her hand so carelessly like that and she couldn't understand why she had been so desperate to do it earlier. Feeling jealous from all of the attention Cullen was receiving was a problem in itself. Becoming so bothered by it that she acted on it was a completely different story. Sure, when she had initially conjured the idea she tried to justify it with selfless motives. But deep down, she knew better than that. She needed to shake her infatuation with Cullen before she ended up doing something even more foolish.

_It's more than an infatuation and you know it._

Ellie let out an aggravated sigh when she heard footsteps behind her.

"There you are," a familiar voice sounded as it approached her, "I've been looking everywhere for you. Are you alright?"

She peered over at the man who was the cause of her internal war as he leaned on the railing beside her. "I am. It's just been a long night."

"For all of us," Cullen replied, "I wanted to thank you again for earlier."

That admission made Ellie's head snap towards him in surprise, "You did?"

"If it weren't for that small reprieve, I may not have gotten through the evening with my sanity still in tact. It helps that you were the one to offer that." He gave Ellie a meek, lighthearted smile, but she was still reeling from her own anguish over her actions that she barely returned the expression.

Seeming to notice her inner conflict, he tilted his body towards her and gingerly placed his hand on her back. The contact sent sparks flying through her, heat radiating from where he was touching her. It was enough to pull her completely from her self-condemning thoughts and she lifted her eyes to meet his.

"At the risk of turning into a blushing fool," Cullen started softly, "I have to say that you look beautiful tonight. You're absolutely stunning, Ellie."

Ellie blinked, her face instantly reddened and she felt like her jaw was about to drop through the floor. Did he just say she was beautiful? Her moment of stunned silence caused Cullen to retract slightly.

"Thank you," Ellie sputtered out, realizing she didn't want Cullen to take her delayed reaction the wrong way. Willing herself to calm down, she took a deep breath and met the Commander's gaze again as she bit her lip. "Really, Cullen. Thank you."

The right side of his lips quirked up into a lopsided grin. His amber eyes quickly flashed towards the ballroom and it was then that Ellie noticed the music had changed, a new song just beginning.

"I may never get another chance to do this, and I'll warn you now that I'm terrible at this but," he pushed himself off of the railing and took a step back, his hand leaving Ellie's back. She instantly missed the sensation of his touch but then she saw that same hand of his extend towards her as he bowed slightly, "May I have this dance?"

For the second time in a matter of minutes, Ellie was left speechless. She would have guessed, given his life circumstances, Cullen didn't dance much, if at all. Judging by he lack of his presence on the dance floor that evening, she doubted dancing was something he was comfortable with. She didn't know what it meant that he was asking her to dance now, if it meant anything. But truthfully, she didn't care because he was right; they probably wouldn't get this chance again.

Smiling, Ellie accepted his hand and he led her to the middle of the vacant balcony. She placed her other hand on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her waist for the second time that evening. He held her close, closer than most dance partners would, as they began swaying to the music coming from inside the palace.

No words were exchanged between them as they danced. Even if she could find the right ones to say, their meaning might be lost given where they were and how little they could do about what might be said. When Ellie glanced up at Cullen, she could somehow tell he was thinking the same thing even though he smiled down at her. All she wanted in that moment was for the two of them to be far away from the Winter Palace, away from the nobles and away from all the danger they constantly faced. She wanted to be with the man in front of her, just the two of them, some place she could be free to show him just what he meant to her without fearing any reprecussions.

Not knowing how to express any of what she was feeling in another way, Ellie simply rested the side of her head against Cullen's broad chest, closing her eyes and inhaling his scent as she mirrored his rhythmic steps. She felt his lips press against the top of her head before he rested the side of his chin in the same spot. All of the unspoken emotions from the evening seemed to rest between them, silent confessions that could be only felt and not heard.

Ellie let her worries about everything melt away from her. She didn't want to think about the past or future now, not when the present was so perfect. Instead she focused on Cullen. On his deep, steady breathing, his comforting smell, the heat of his body held tightly against hers. She studied every single detail of that moment, hoping it was one that she wouldn't soon forget.


	30. Chapter 30: Ex's and Oh's

It had been a day since they had arrived back from Halamshiral. Saving Empress Celene and putting an abrupt end to the Orlesian civil war had apparently earned Ellie a multitude of praise and recognition from the grand empire; it was a success that Leliana and Josephine were triumphantly vocal about, despite the mild scolding they gave the Inquisitor regarding her display with Cullen.

Ellie thought back to that night, as she had countless times since it happened. A smile formed on her face. Everything that transpired between her and the Commander at the ball, though not blatantly spoken, seemed to point that there was something there that went beyond friendship.

While that hopeful realization made Ellie's heart soar, that annoying little voice in the back of her head reasoned that she shouldn't become attached. That remaining part of Ellie's cynical, guarded self was slowly beginning to ebb away the closer she got to Cullen. In some ways she didn't mind. The comfort his friendship gave her coupled with the fluttery excitement knowing that it could develop into something more gave Ellie a happiness she hadn't experienced in a long time. But it also scared her that she was willingly leaving herself vulnerable to more heartbreak.

It was a pessimistic, if not more realistic thought that Ellie pushed aside for now as she headed to the man in question's office. She hadn't truly spoken to him since the Winter Palace, at least not alone and not in a non-official capacity. On their way back to Skyhold, Ellie had caught his eye a few times. She was unable to fully read what thoughts were behind his sparkling, amber orbs but if his crooked smile was any indication, he didn't regret anything that happened. Ellie knew she sure didn't regret it either, despite what rebukes she received from her ambassador and spymaster.

The door to Cullen's office was shut and Ellie heard no sound coming from inside. Her stomach started to drop in disappointment, wondering if he wasn't actually inside. Still, she raised her hand and knocked lightly on the door. To her relief, she heard Cullen politely tell her to come in.

_I shouldn't be that relieved he's here, I'm just here on business,_ Ellie tried, silently reprimanding herself. But she couldn't deny that she felt a sense of giddiness wash over her knowing that she would be able to actually properly speak with him for the first time in days.

She stepped inside to see that it was just Cullen in the room sitting at his desk quietly working. When he lifted his head to look at who came into his office, he shot Ellie a warm smile. It instantly made her feel both shy and comforted at the same time but she returned the expression just the same.

_This is stupid, Ellie. You've known the man for months now and you're still acting like a lovesick, teenage girl around him._

"Sorry to interrupt you, I just received word that you got a lead on the red templars," Ellie offered, trying to sound as casual as possible. She didn't want to let onto the sudden anxiety she was feeling.

"Of course," Cullen replied, though his smile faltered as he briefed the Inquisitor on the subject.

Ellie could, to an extent, empathize with the Commander's angst towards the subject. For someone trying to recover from addiction, mentioning the substance in question might raise enough problems. But having to talk about it frequently probably didn't help his struggle either. If that were the case though, Cullen rarely, if ever, let on.

On the same token, she could admire his passion when it came to snuffing out the corrupted form of the mineral. Obviously it was something that hit close to home for him since he knew the firsthand the plight of the templars and their lyrium leash.

While Ellie clearly hadn't dealt with lyrium addiction whatsoever, the issue of red lyrium struck a cord with her as well. Not only because of Corypheus' influence on those who turned to it, but because it could have been a very possible threat to her brother.

"Is something wrong?" Cullen asked sincerely, snapping Ellie from her train of thought.

She shook her head slowly, biting her bottom lip. "I was just thinking that, as much as I wished my brother was still alive, I'm happy he wasn't turned into one of those monsters."

The expression on Cullen's face changed into something softer, "If he was anything like you, I doubt he would have."

Ellie gave him a feeble smile. She didn't want to turn her visit with him into a pity party, but if he could tell something was up with her in that brief moment, she owed it to him to be up front with him. "My brother isn't the only one who I'm happy didn't turn to red lyrium," Ellie admitted, meeting his eyes in a gesture that confirmed he was who she was referring to.

"And you have my word that I never will," Cullen affirmed, his voice determined but still gentle.

"I know," Ellie said quietly.

The red lyrium smuggling information was technically the purpose of Ellie going to Cullen's office. It was a matter that she absolutely wanted to address but, if she were honest with herself, she just wanted a legitimate excuse to see him. Now that they had discussed it and settled on a course of action, Ellie found herself not wanting to leave just yet. She desperately racked her brain to come up with something to talk about.

"Would you be able to train me?" She blurted out. It was the first thing that came to mind, for some odd reason, and she silently cursed herself for it. Training with Cullen would undoubtedly be beneficial to her overall fighting skill. But being around him for hours sweating and panting, being physical with him even if it was more violent than what she truly wanted… Could she really handle that much temptation? She was only human, after all.

Cullen seemed equally taken aback by her seemingly random question, though the surprise only lasted for a split second on his face. "I suppose I could, yes. Were the specialists we brought in not adequate? I thought they might be more suited to your combat style."

"They are perfectly capable mentors, don't get me wrong," Ellie commented, trying to come up with a justifiable reason for being trained by a warrior, "But you're the Commander of our army. Surely there would be something for me to gain by training with you even if our preferred tactics differ."

The blonde man paused, thinking over the possibility. All the while, Ellie held her breath, hoping he would at least let her down gently. Cullen looked off into the distance, his brows knit together. His hesitation made her nervous and she gnawed on her lip waiting for his answer.

Finally, he opened his mouth to reply. "I will train you," he started slowly, "But I'll warn you that just because you are the Inquisitor, that doesn't mean I'll take it easy on you."

While Ellie had no doubt that he meant his words, the smirk on his face gave her hope he wouldn't treat her quite as harsh as his soldiers. Not that she couldn't take it, mind you, but she preferred his playfulness over his intimidation. "I wouldn't have it any other way, Commander," she conceded with a cheeky grin of her own, "I'm sorry I just kind of sprung that on you, I didn't mean to impose."

"It's not an imposition at all, I just wasn't exactly expecting that from you," Cullen reassured. "If anything, it'll give me something else to do other than all of this sodding paperwork.

Ellie let out a soft laugh at the man's frustration. The hours of mindless paperwork was a responsibility she could empathize with all too well. "I know the feeling. I haven't seen you and Dorian play chess in a while. Usually that was your break from being tied to your desk."

"Ever since he began teaching Bull how to play, he's seemed too preoccupied playing chess with him. I suppose it gives their bed a break, though."

Ellie thought her eyes were going to bulge out of her skull at the implication of Cullen's words. If her best friend was sleeping with Iron Bull, she thought Dorian would have told her by now. And with how nonchalant Cullen spoke about it, it made it seem like the pair were common knowledge.

The Commander apparently noticed Ellie's surprise, "You didn't know, I take it?"

"I had no idea. How did you find out before I did?" The Inquisitor didn't know whether to be angry and hurt her closest companion didn't confide in her or to feel guilty that she had been so wrapped up in her own affairs to notice any of the usual telltale signs of lovers.

Cullen let out a disgusted scoff before launching into his story, "Believe me when I say I wish I hadn't found out the way I did. Cassandra, Josephine and I were going over some finances and schematics to commission some weaponry for new recruits. When we had finished, we headed to the quartermasters. Of course, we decided to take the shortcut through Bull's room, which is _always_ empty during the day, and go down through the tavern. The three of us… Well, we kind of walked in on them."

Ellie blinked, letting what he said fully sink into her brain. The thought of those three, of all people, walking in on a Tevinter mage and Qunari in the middle of sex was almost too much. She could only imagine the look on their faces when they realized what they had barged in on. Apparently the mental image was enough, because finally after a moment, Ellie burst out laughing to the point that she almost doubled over.

She could picture each of them so perfectly. Josephine's usually flawless, straight-faced neutrality probably faltered when she first walked in. But the more comical scene would have been the other two. Cassandra and Cullen had the reputation for being some of the most uptight people in the Inquisition. Ellie knew that with the Seeker's choice leisurely reading material, Cassandra wasn't entirely offended by sexuality. And Cullen, though he devoted the better part of his life to the Chantry, couldn't be as prudish as people suspected.

_At least I certainly hope not…_

What Ellie would have given to see their reaction. It made any minor resentment she had towards Dorian fade away completely. She would have to ask him about it later, if he wasn't too angered by the interruption. Knowing Dorian, and Iron Bull for that matter, they probably just shrugged the entire thing off.

When Ellie's laughter died down, she looked back up at Cullen who was looking at her with a sheepish smile. "I'm sorry, Cullen. But picturing you three walking in on them is priceless. The only thing that could have made that any funnier is if Mother Giselle was with you too."

Cullen let out a humoured snort at that, his smirk making its way back across his lips, "I'm glad you find my horrific experience so amusing."

"I'm going to give Dorian so much shit for not telling me," Ellie mused, the humour still evident in her voice, "He's always pestering me about something. This should knock him off his high horse." She deliberately left out the part where the mage always specifically bugged Ellie about Cullen.

The Commander's expression contorted into more of a grimace, "It's not a horse, it's a Bull. And I hate that I know this, but it is rather high."

The remark threw Ellie into a fit of laughter again, and this time Cullen actually joined in.

* * *

When Ellie was finally able to head back to her quarters for the night, she still had a bit of a smile on her face. While she did end up getting a fair amount of work accomplished in between everything, she was happy she got to spend a little time with the two most important people to her.

Dorian was predictably witty when Ellie approached him about his involvement with the Qunari mercenary. He relayed to her, with his sarcastic charm, his version of when they were walked in on. His account only added to Ellie's amusement.

While the Inquisitor razzed her friend about his bedroom escapades, she made it very clear to him that as long as they were happy, she was happy. She didn't ask why Dorian didn't tell her himself. He was her closest companion but at the end of the day, who he slept with was his business. It barely showed, but it almost seemed as though Dorian was afraid of being judged. Ellie assured him that wasn't the case, though she did mention that if Bull hurt him, she would kick his ass to which Dorian just laughed.

Between a good chat with her best friend and her arrangements to begin training with Cullen at first light the next day, Ellie was in high spirits when she retired for the evening. She had never been this excited to train, but she couldn't deny she was looking forward to it, even if being in such close proximity with Cullen did make her nervous. But she promised herself she could control herself around him. She could keep it professional. Hopefully.

Ellie practically skipped up the stairs to her room but stopped dead in her tracks when she noticed a single candle was lit on her desk, emanating a dull glow around the spacious room. Judging by how much the wax had melted, it had been lit for some time. Her hand instantly reached for one of the daggers strapped to her thigh, heart racing.

She didn't leave a light on when she left this morning.

She had given no orders for any of the maids to tend to her room. Even if one of the maids had been in her room earlier, they always made sure to snuff out the candles prior to leaving. Ellie took careful steps towards her desk, her eyes flashing around the room rapidly, searching for clues as to who had been there.

"It's just me, Ellie," she heard a deep, familiar voice call out from the balcony, the one that only faced the Frostbacks.

Her head whipped towards the sound, a range of emotions running through her; confusion and irritation being the most prominent. "What are you doing here?"

He took a step closer to her, "I need you to come with me. Tonight. I've found him."


End file.
